Monday, January 28, 2013

Mindless Movie Monday: Hypothermia: So Painful It's Funny (the movie, not the condition)

In keeping with our 'winter horror' theme, I give you one of the worst movies I have seen in several years.

Hypothermia is a frozen romp of ridiculous proportions that has only one good thing going for it.  Michael Rooker. He is the glue that (tries) to hold this lame-ass film together, which is insanely difficult given the absolutely absurd "monster" that is terrorizing the group of ice-fishermen in this horrible film.

Larry Fessenden, director of such other snowy delights as Wendigo and The Last Winter, obviously has some sort of real fetish with winter settings for his films.  And though I've seen both Wendigo and The Last Winter and enjoyed them (the former more than the latter), this film really left a lot to be desired. Low budget or not, Fessenden was really phoning this one in.

Ray Pelletier (Rooker), his wife Helen (Blanch Baker), son David (Benjamin Hugh Abel Forster), and David's girlfriend Gina (Amy Chang) have rented a lakeside cottage for a fun weekend of ice-fishing. I suppose this constitutes as fun in some circles.  I prefer to fish when it is above 50 degrees - or better yet at the seafood department of my local supermarket.
When we first meet Ray, he's out on the ice, trying to find a good spot for the next day's adventure in ice fishing.  Whether not paying attention or pure accident, Ray falls through a think place in the ice and if son David hadn't come looking would have certainly died of hypothermia (hence the name, natch).

At first, I couldn't recall where I'd seen Baker, until some internet investigating turned up the fact that she played Ruth Chandler in The Girl Next Door - a film I hated passionately. So that didn't help her case. She was seriously hard to watch in this movie, her acting totally wooden and inept. The actor portraying David has next to no emotion in his acting and so I'd have to say it was rather painful to watch him also. Chang did a decent job as Gina, so I was hoping there would be a scenario in which she and Rooker were the last ones standing. 

But there were two more cast members to speak of.  Once Ray and Co. set up their little camp upon the ice and settle in to have bologna sandwiches and idle chatter, their solace is interrupted by an utterly obnoxious fisherman and his son who roll in with a big truck towing a camper trailer and snowmobiles. Steve Cote (Don Wood) and Stevie (Greg Finley) like to drink a lot of beer and eventually shout across the lake for Ray and his family to join them.  Steve has a New York/New Jersey mindset, with the accent to complete it. He thinks he's all that and a bag of potato chips and is unforgivably annoying. And loud, dammit.

Knowing if they don't make an appearance at the Cote trailer, the father-son team probably won't ever shut the hell up.  They make their way over and discuss the fact that there don't seem to be any fish in the lake.
What the hell happened to all the fish? They ponder this for way too long until they see something ominously large under the surface of the lake go swimming by, which causes a ruckus among the men and in a moment of stupidity Stevie sticks his hand into the water only to have the giant fish rake his sharp fin over his arm, tearing it open. 

Speaking of stupid acts, older Steve feels it unnecessary to take his son to the hospital, preferring instead to man-up and have a steak dinner.  Gina (who apparently has some medical training) cleans up Stevie's wound (which is practically festering at this point) and the men step outside to see if they can "catch this bitch!"
We see a lot of the fish-monster swimming just under the ice, and as you can imagine, the group starts dwindling as people start to die.
Despite all this foolishness, I can't say Michael Rooker does a bad job. In fact, he acts his pants off - giving his all to a pointless script. And while nothing can save the preposterous circumstances the cast finds themselves in, at least there is a bit of decent gore in here to get the audience by.

But here's what puts the nail in the proverbial coffin.  The monster is completely and utterly ridiculous. It is like a cross between the Creature from the Black Lagoon, a Sleestak, and the Cheshire Cat. I really cannot stress how thoroughly hilarious this "creature" is. If I thought it was a worthwhile film, I wouldn't show you what he looks like, so the element of surprise would still be there.  But forgive me I just can't help myself.
Witness if you will, the most laughable monster in film, perhaps ever.


I'm not sure what else I really need to say here, except that despite the fact that the body count keeps on rising it doesn't seem to deter our deadly aquatic creature from using his Crest Whitestrips.  He's got the nicest smile from here to Okinawa. 

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Sunday Bloody Sunday: Winter Horror Edition, Part 1


Hypothermia

Let The Right One In

Orphan

Ravenous

Sauna

Shredder

Dead Snow



Friday, January 25, 2013

Kinky Sex And Horror. You KNOW You Wanna Read This Post ~ So Just Do It...

By Marie & Christine

I  (Marie here) attended a screening of director Park Chan-wook's (Old Boy, Thirst) new film, "Stoker" the other day and boy did I love it. If you are familiar with his work, you have an idea of the mastery of this powerhouse filmmaker.

Although he doesn't write the original stories for the films he directs, he seems to have a specific taste, and one of the recurring subjects he deals with is unconventional sexuality.

Stoker stars Mia Wasikowska as India Stoker, an 18-year-old girl whose father has died suddenly in an accident. An uncle (Matthew Goode) she never previously new to exist comes to live with her and her cold, caustic mother (Nicole Kidman). He is an unpredictable and mysterious character who India soon becomes infatuated with.

Without spoiling anything, I will just say that there are many examples of strange sex in this film, some that will make you cringe or say, "Ew", but is undeniably interesting.
What gets some people off may seem strange and we often feel the need to search for roots and reasons to explain such, but when it comes down to it these are our most primal thoughts and feelings.

Let's take this opportunity to explore some (mostly) horror films that deal with taboo sex. Christine has helped me out with a few additions as well.

ANTICHRIST (2009)  LARS VON TRIER
Lars von Trier's controversial film deals with a couple whose life is shattered when their baby boy dies while they are having sex. The wife, billed only as "She", reveals to her husband on a secluded getaway that she has been working on a thesis on how women are the Antichrist. This movie is definitely worth a watch if you like to challenge yourself and watch really fucked up movies. I must warn you that this movie is extremely graphic, and you will never look at Charlotte Gainsbourg the same way again./MR

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DEADGIRL (2008)   MARCEL SARMIENTO
Two adolescent boys get much more than they bargained for when they act out their necrophilic urges on a corpse they find in an abandoned mental hospital. I remember picking up this movie at Blockbuster and this stranger dude standing next to me was like, "That's a good movie." And then I ran away./MR


KISSED (1996)   LYNNE STOPKEWICH
This isn't technically a horror movie but I'm putting it on here. Sandra (Molly Parker) has always been fascinated with death, but her fascination becomes an infatuation when she gets a job as a mortician and finds a passion for necrophilia. It's a romance about fucking dead people, sounds weird, right? It is, and there are some really strange scenes.../MR

EXCISION (2012)   RICHARD BATES JR.
Pauline (Annalynne McCord) aspires to be a surgeon and has a special kink. She gets off on blood and gore. This film was extremely well received despite what some might consider icky subject matter./MR

VIDEODROME (1983)   DAVID CRONENBERG
Cronenberg's cult classic is about a man (James Woods) who is looking for the next extreme in television programming and brings the boob tube to a whole new level./MR

CRASH (1996)    DAVID CRONENBERG
Also not horror but totally perverse nonetheless, another weird one from Cronenberg focuses on people who get off sexually on car accidents.  If it sounds too strange for words that's because it is. This film is so bizarre that James Spader has sex with Rosanna Arquette by using an open wound on her leg as a substitute for her vagina.  Very out there, even for Cronenberg./CH


 
AFTERMATH (1994)   NACHO CERDA
I doubt you'll find a more disturbing film than this quick, thirty-minute stunner.  It is the dialogue-free short in which a mortician does the worst thing possible with a corpse, and I think you know where I'm going here. Really does give necrophilia a whole new meaning.  It is grotesque, disturbing, and just plain vile.  And you cannot take your eyes off it.
But be warned, it is not for the horror novice.
(And to be clear, the DVD cover above is from the third part of Cerdà's trilogy (!).  I couldn't bring myself to show the actual cover of Aftermath. And that's saying a lot.) /CH


EYES WIDE SHUT (1994)    STANLEY KUBRICK
Not a horror movie, but still quite bizarre just the same.  Tom Cruise and then-wife Nicole Kidman decide to explore their sexuality. Just not with each other.  Indecent rituals, secret societies in which masks and passwords are the norm, and orgies galore are alive and well here in this Kubrick sextravaganza./CH


SALO or THE 120 DAYS OF SODOM (1975 )   PIER PAOLO PASOLINI
I'm really can't even go there.  You shouldn't either.  Seriously one of the most foul films of sexual depravity and graphic and disturbing violence you will ever see.  Or not see, which really should be the case.  If you look up the word 'controversial' in the dictionary there needs to be a picture of this movie poster beside the word.
Enough said. /CH
There are so many other films that are sexually distressing and entirely interesting - such as Lost Highway, A Serbian Film, Blue Velvet, Teeth, and Cat People(1982)  to name a few...Perhaps a Part 2 will be forthcoming...


Thursday, January 24, 2013

The Black & White Realm Of Horror: Hour Of The Wolf

Review by Marie Robinson

Even though Ingmar Bergman is a damn good director, he has given the world only one true horror film. 1968's "Hour of the Wolf" (or "Vargtimmen") is a deeply atmospheric black and white film about a man and his wife and the time they spent an ocean-side cottage.

The film opens on the sweet and soft-spoken Alma (Liv Ullman) telling someone (us, perhaps) the story of her husband's disappearance. Her husband, Johan, is played by Max von Sydow, who seems to be a favorite of Bergman's. He's been acting for a solid 50+ years and still goin'. Also, I'm just going to put it out there that he is a weird looking man. I can never decide if I think he is good-looking or not.

Johan is a painter by profession and his personality fits that of most artists I've known; brooding, moody, and solitary. He begins acting strange and confesses to Alma that he is being haunted by a curious cast of characters, including an old woman whose face comes off when she takes off her hat and an old lover of Johan's. Because of these alarming entities, Johan suffers sleepless nights, forcing his wife to accompany him in consciousness until the dawn breaks.

Most of Johan's encounters come alive off of the pages of his journal, which Alma reads to try and get a grasp on her husband's increasing anxieties. The things we witness through Johan's written memories are bizarre and unsettling, and makes us question the mystery behind the man and his past.

The characters in this film are beautifully written. Alma and Johan bear an honest, true-to-life complexity, both as individuals and as a couple. The "ghosts" are wonderful in their spooky strangeness. Everyone gives a great performance, and Bergman gives his flawless direction.

I said before that the movie is cloaked in atmosphere, and the black and white film truly puts the edge on it. Shadows and darkness are crucial to the film, and there are many-a-haunting scene lit by candlelight.

As with any great ghost story, there is a huge psychological aspect. The viewer is always finding themselves cocking their head, pondering, "What is real?" In some films this is used as a weak attempt at profundity, but in "Hour of the Wolf" is a real, frightening connection the audience has with the characters. A good ghost story has you asking what's real or imagined. A great ghost story leaves you scratching your head about it long after the story's been told, and perhaps giving you no definitive evidence either way.

I will leave you with what is perhaps the world's longest tagline. "'The Hour of the Wolf' is the hour between night and dawn. It is the hour when most people die. It is the hour when the sleepless are haunted by their deepest fear, when ghosts and demons are most powerful".

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Mama (2013) : Maternal Instincts Are A Bitch

Haven't we seen enough CGI ghosts to last a lifetime? Guess not, as producer Guillermo del Toro lends his name and reputation to the latest spectral concoction of contrived story-lines and computer-generated frights.

Not to say that Mama isn't entertaining for the most part, but when we finally witness the horror that is the title character, I found myself sighing and wishing I'd have waited for DVD.  There are some requisite jump scares and some chilling moments here and there but for the most part I will have to admit I was not scared. And that, rather than body count or creative kills, is what I'm looking for these days, so I thought Mama would be firmly in my wheelhouse.

Monsters and ghosts that are computer generated just lack the finesse to produce any kind of visceral reaction from me. And if that sounds snobbish then so be it.  I am a practical effects junkie and for the most part detest CGI (unless of course it is very good CGI, read: Jurassic Park or Lord of the Rings - but hey, not everyone can get WETA to join their production!)

However, the basic story of Mama (based on a 2008 short film by director Andres Muschietti) is a compelling one.  It highlights the maternal instinct pretty hard, proving once again that a mother's love knows no bounds. And in horror films, that usually results in moms reaching out from beyond the grave to assist or protect their children.  Which is just what we have here.

A father whose life is upended by financial ruin kills his wife (off-camera) and steals away with his two young children, Victoria and baby Lilly.  He is so distraught that he drives off onto snowy roads and flips the car over an embankment.  Amazingly, the family of (now) three manage to survive the crash and walk off into the woods, happening upon a deserted cabin looking akin to the Evil Dead cottage. Not good.

After a few hours sitting around, Dad of the Year decides it's best to just off the family, so he attempts to distract Victoria by telling her to look out the window. Just before he pulls the trigger on the gun he has aimed at her head, someone -or something - attacks him from behind, effectively ending his macabre plan (and his life, apparently).  Hence the youngsters are left in the cabin to fend for themselves.

Moving ahead 5 years (yeah, right. Five years in the woods alone. Okaaaaay.), and we have the uncle of the two girls who has been actively pursuing leads and still searching for his brother - all this time.  Lucas (Game of Thrones' Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) definitely deserves Brother of the Decade, if we're not done labeling people.  He's even been paying people to keep up the search.

One day, the two men employed to hunt for his family find the wrecked car and eventually discover the isolated cabin.  What they don't expect to find is Victoria (Megan Charpentier) and Lilly (Isabelle Nélisse), living in squalor and filth and behaving like animals.  Probably the most frightening part of the film is seeing these two young girls acting like feral beasts. The scurry across the floor and jump from table to refrigerator like demented monkeys.  I've seen movies with feral children (Shiver, The Woman) but just one glimpse of these forgotten tykes had me shivering.  By far the creepiest moment.

Once Lucas and his rock-band girlfriend Annabel (Jessica Chastain, looking not unlike Joan Jett here) find out the girls are alive, they do everything in their power to make sure their nieces stay with them and not with a wealthy aunt from the "other side of the family". With the help of child psychiatrist Dr. Dreyfuss (Daniel Kash), the couple does indeed end up with the kids, and a new house to boot - provided by Dreyfuss for psychiatric research studies.  A long period of adjustment begins, with the older Victoria coming around gradually, in part because she was older and retained some memories of normalcy.  Lilly however, remains unapproachable - practically growling at every turn.

One of the troubles with this type of storyline is believability. It's truly hard to fathom that children taken from horrific conditions such as these, with no real grasp on the world, would be placed with anyone - let alone a couple who are 1) not married 2) not financially stable 3) seemingly irresponsible 4) have careers lacking any sense of accountability or future...the list goes on.  These children would need to be in a psychiatric setting for quite some time.  But alas, it's only a movie....

Soon we (meaning us, the audience) are privy to the fact that Mama has followed the girls to their new home and has no intention of giving them up.  After Lucas has a Mama-induced mishap and falls down a flight of stairs, he is rendered useless with a coma in the hospital- leaving poor Annabel to fend for herself with the unstable kids.  She does give it the old college try, eventually realizing that Mama was guardian to the children while they were alone in the woods, and that Mama has designs on sticking around.  She experiences frightening dreams which lead her to dig into the past of the mysterious guardian and finds some disturbing facts. Mama was an escaped mental patient who jumped off a cliff with her young baby (also called Lilly, if you can believe that) in tow.  Mama has developed an unwavering attachment to these children and will go to any end to keep them with her.  Unfortunately, Victoria begins to become attached to Annabel, causing Mama's wrath to unfold as only a long haired vengeful ghost's can.

So many of the standard ghost story tricks apply here. Mama's long dark hair flows out from the walls and closets, scurries across the floor like a weasel, and wraps around people menacingly.  Strange moldy-looking stains appear on the walls, and with further inspection seem to be a portal for the ghost that produces black moths that crawl out and fly about the room.  The new house is rife with electrical problems, with lights flickering constantly.  Information is easily obtained from the little old lady who works in the records room.  The good doctor's flashlight fails just when he needs it the most and he employs his camera flash to see the real Mama.  Ghostly creatures shuffle and walk with those jerky movements that are so overused these days... Like I said, not much new here.

What is at the heart of the story is whether or not the punk-rock Annabel (who did the dance of joy at the beginning of the film after getting a negative pregnancy test) will give enough of herself to entertain the idea of raising these children as her own.  Will she become attached enough to fight tooth and nail against forces unknown (or known, in this case) in order to save their souls (and their lives)?  Annabel isn't really a very likable person, so it's hard to imagine that happening.

Now. Back to the CGI.  As previously stated, I'm not a fan.  I'm tired that every damn movie made these days has to use this technique at some point.  Though there was an actual actor (Javier Botet, the creepy dude at the end of .Rec) playing the role of Mama, it was still obvious where the CGI was added - Mama's face was a little too fakey looking to me, and her hair was simply everywhere - flowing every which way and then some. Her crazy walk/crawl/run was totally CGI. What happened to just doing it the old fashioned way?  Like in the original '89 version of The Woman in Black, seeing the title character standing across the graveyard - it was a real damn person.  Not a caricature of one. And it was scary. Not cartoonish.
Same goes for Ghost Story, The Innocents, etc.  Please forgive my bitchiness, I'm just sick of everything looking like this:


Regardless, the actual amount of CGI in this movie really isn't too bad.  I've seen worse.  Much worse (i.e. Van Helsing). But I still feel like this film could have been done with practical effects.  It does however, lack a serious amount of chills and thrills.  There are a few jump scares that shook up the teenaged girls sitting in front of me (though I don't know how thy had the time to notice with all their texting), but as far as genuine fear, there was very little.  The story was weak (perhaps due it the film being expanded from short format) but the acting was decent. I had hoped this would be my first favorite movie of 2013, but to be honest I was left in the cold after watching it.  For all its good moments, it still failed to illicit any serious scares and I nearly fell asleep in a few of the quieter scenes.

So while it isn't a bad film, I would have much rather waited for DVD on this one, and will be wary of del Toro's endorsements in the future, having been terribly burned on Don't Be Afraid of the Dark and getting what I would call a little brush burn with Mama.

"Mothers are all slightly insane." ~ J.D.Salinger

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Let Me In

Excision

Wrong Turn 4

Ghost Ship

Sinister

Midnight Son

Monday, January 7, 2013

Mindless Movie Monday: The Apparition (And The Sad, Sad State Of Ghost Stories Today)

It has become increasingly apparent to me that there are no good ghost stories anymore.  I'm sick as hell of renting (and at times purchasing) horrific examples of supernatural films that are infinitely less scary than the DMV on a Monday morning.  Case in point:  The Apparition

Even though I knew it was going to be awful, I still rented this flaming sack of cow dung just to see how bad it really was. Well, it's a boring, utterly ghastly (and not in a good way) movie about a couple that are house sitting a property that belongs to the girl's parents. Said girl - Kelly - is played by the very pretty Ashley Greene of Twilight fame, with boyfriend Ben (Sebastian Stan) hanging the moon for her pleasure. 

At the very beginning of the movie we see Ben, doing his best ghost hunter impression with a few other like-minded folks...except they bring something back (from beyond....um, yeah - that's original) that is now following them, including our guy Ben. Which means Kelly is in trouble too, as it has emerged as a force to reckon with at their current living space.

"Stand back! I won't allow them to steal your teddy!"
When the neighbors loveable dog finds his way into the couple's home, lies down in their laundry room and promptly dies, I knew this film was not for me. (What makes filmmakers feel the need to off the family pet? Do they think that serves some purpose in the film - as if "Wow! They killed the cat/dog/horse/bunny/gerbil, etc! I'm REALLY afraid now!" - It's more like, I'm pissed and probably never going to watch your crappy excuse for a movie again, god dammit!)  And that only served as proof that The Apparition was bound to get worse.  The couple does so many stupid and ill-advised things, acts that are so clichéd it's nearly unwatchable. No originality and lack of plot plague many films these days, but I would be hard-pressed to find one so blatantly trite and unimaginative as this dud.  I really can't say much about it because though it's trying to be a ghost story, it's failing miserably and NOTHING IS HAPPENING!

The two leads are trying here, and it can be said that they did give it the old college try. But though they may be good in other films, they struggled to hit the mediocre mark here. It was almost laughable how many ridiculous facial expressions Ashley Greene delivered.  Funny thing is, they all ended up virtually the same. All looking somewhere in between constipated and bored to tears.  LIKE ME.
Thankfully for the male viewers of the film, she showed a bit of skin.

The Many (?) Faces Of Ashley Greene

Plainly said, this movie is so outright boring that I was actually writing this review as I suffered through it.  All we were subjected to were loud noises, lights flashing off & on, some carefully placed shrieking, doors opening by themselves, and strange molds growing on the floors, ceilings, and of course in the basement. (Why do spirits these days feel the need to manifest as MOLD?  Try something less icky next time!) Kelly finds out Ben was lying to her (which in all actuality he just 'didn't tell her' all about his past spook hunting and "scientific supernatural studies") and she swiftly kicks him out of the house - leaving her alone to face the ghost/demon/entity of the week all by her lonesome. Have we learned nothing from watching past horror films!?

"No! We can't watch this crap anymore, dammit!'
Friends, we can do so much better than this. We HAVE done better. See The Changeling, The Haunting, The Legend of Hell House... Christ I'll admit even The Grudge and Paranormal Activity were better.  I just don't get why studios keep green-lighting dumb-ass movies like these ones. I was so disinterested in this about ten minutes in that I nearly turned it off. Figured I'd keep  watching so I'd have something to write about! Shitty crap like this, Pulse, The Fog (2005), The Unborn, and the vast array of junk available that are trying to pass themselves off as scary are doing nothing but killing the sub-genre.

Now THIS is what I'm talking about....
(The Innocents, 1961)
Where are movies like The Woman in Black (1989)? The InnocentsThe Devil's Backbone? Though a rare gem breaks through occasionally, such as The Awakening, most ghost stories are just bullshit.  Why aren't studios trying to find someone who will adapt something truly chilling, like any number of works by Ambrose Bierce or M.R. James??  I read two awesome books by John Harwood last year - The Seance and The Ghost Writer (not the one adapted into the Ewan McGregor film)- both if which seem fairly adaptable to me, and would translate to film fantastically. The Seance would be a wonderful period ghost story that would float the boat of any fan of the supernatural.   But instead we are forced to watch this regurgitated dreck that wouldn't scare a two year old. Gah!!
So believe me when I tell you - don't watch this movie unless you are faced with making the decision to either watch this film or watch paint dry. 
I know what I would choose.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

John Dies At The End (2012) : Please Pass The Soy Sauce!

Do you like dogs that can drive a car? Have you ever thought of using a bratwurst as a cell phone? Do you like basement monsters made of meat? (Yes, you heard me - and I'm not talking about Lady Gaga's meat dress, either!)
How about doorknobs that turn into penises before your very eyes? If you said yes to any of the above then by all means, you need to check out John Dies at the End. 

I've not read the source material - a novel by David Wong, so I was coming into this one rather blind.  Generally I like to read a book before seeing the film but in this case it was not to be.  Though I have looked at the book several times in the book stores.

But seeing as how it was adapted for the big screen by Don Coscarelli of Phantasm and Bubba Ho-Tep fame, I was definitely interested in seeing this so-called horror-fantasy-comedy.  And that is just what you get. At times feeling a little bit like a cross between a Hunter S. Thompson adaptation and a Sam Raimi movie, it really does jump all over the place - and kind of made me feel like perhaps it would have been more enjoyable if I were stoned out of my mind.
That's not to say that I didn't enjoy the movie.  It has its own weird charm. Kind of like an acid trip - if only I knew what that was actually like.  I get the feeling I was pretty close.

Meet Dave. 
Dave (Chase Williamson) is a likable twenty-something slacker who's got a tale to tell. 
Meet Arnie.
Arnie's (Paul Giamatti) just the guy to tell it.  These two meet up in a creepy, dark-lit Chinese restaurant to discuss recent events in Dave's life that are almost too insane to believe. Apparently there is a new type of street drug known as Soy Sauce, which causes wild hallucinations and the ability to not only talk to the dead but to be able to experience alternate universes & realities.

By using this "sauce", Dave is able to tell Arnie the amount of change he has in his pocket and the dream he had the night before.  When Arnie seems slightly more agreeable to listening to Dave's story, Dave relates how the night before, he met up with his friend John (Rob Mayes) at a party and they were introduced to a Jamaican named Robert Marley (seriously...) who was coincidentally bitten by their friend Amy's dog, Bark Lee.  Robert gives them some of the sauce and kabam!  Their whole world and their reason for being is completely changed. Well, they are still dudes who like to get laid and get high, but now they have the world to save!

The bulk of the film is Dave and John moving in and out of otherworldly dimensions, trying to come to terms with the weirdness that is their life and save the fucking day.  It all pans out in unbelievable moments and a shit-load of one liners and if I'm honest, confusing interludes. Absolutely nothing is as it seems. There are giant leeches, magic "ghost-doors", eyes popping out of their skulls like a Fulci film, demon possession, talking dogs, exploding heads, portals to other worlds, the aforementioned monster made of deli-meats, giant spider-crab creatures, a girl with a horrific-quality artificial arm/hand, and a weirdo tv paranormal expert (the excellent Clancy Brown).  The main villain (if we can call it that) is a conscious and responsive computer intent on destroying society in this dimension as we know it. Say whaaat?
Holy hell, we even get an Angus Scrimm (The Tall Man, for those who have led a Phantasm-less life) cameo. 

I do have to mention that it was fairly obvious that budget constraints really wreaked havoc on their ability to have decent CGI effects, but that said, the practical effects are quite good.  There was a lot going on in this movie - a whole lot of unique and interesting creatures and monsters - and the lack-luster CGI didn't harm the end product too much, if truth be told.  The acting was good - in particular by newcomer Williamson, who despite the bizarre premise and circumstances makes this freak-fest seem like a buddy film of the horror-friendly kind. Paul Giamatti (one of my very favorite actors) is not given a whole lot of screen time, but what he does have was wildly entertaining and very "him".  He's one of the producers of the film so he obviously had his heart and soul into his performance.

All in all, I doubt it's a film I'd want to watch over and over, as my kind of horror comedy leans a little closer to Shaun of the Dead than Bubba Ho-Tep, but I can understand how the word in genre circles seems to be that this film will gain cult status quickly. And I'm not sure they're wrong.  For everything I didn't understand, it was rectified with preposterously funny segments and ridiculous comedic moments. Which more than made up for the confusion that wracked my brain throughout most of the running time. Again I say, it may have been easier to swallow if I'd had several shots of Jim Beam prior to viewing. 
But give this one a chance - it would be fab on the big screen.
Opens Jan 25.