Mindless Movie Monday: The Resident

Haven't I seen this film before?  No?  I haven't?  Hm... I just don't know, it seemed pretty familiar.
Probably because even though it didn't lack star power, it was unforgiving in the "been there, done that" category.

Brought to us by the famous Hammer Studios, The Resident (2011) is a direct-to-video (which says it all, I think) release that tells the tale of Juliet -why no X on your last name?- Devereau (Hilary Swank), an ER doc dealing with the death of a bad relationship and a intense dislike of her current living situation.  She chooses to move and quickly seems to find a new apartment, which turns out to be a spacious beast of a rental for an unbelievable price for the city. ( Those of us living in the suburbs could possibly have a heart attack if told it would cost $3800 a month to hang your hat! Quite honestly I could pay my monthly mortgage payment MANY times over for that bounty.)
She isn't the least bit deterred when told that 1) the super is still renovating the place 2) there isn't anyone but him and his elderly grandfather living in the big-ass building and 3) cell phone service is really shoddy. (Um, she's a doctor.  Does she never get calls from the hospital?  Never chosen to come in on a day off or fill in for someone?  Never called about a patient?  I work for a doctor and that's bullshit.)

Has your super ever looked like this?

Anyway, she moves into the fixer-upper, assisted by said building owner/super.  Does anyone know a super who would actually help you move into your place?  And would you actually want him setting up your bed? But on the other hand,  let's be truthful, this building super is hot.  Super hot.  (See what I did there?)

Played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan, MaxTheHotSuper helps her carry furniture in and the two make googly eyes and exchange longing glances at each other.  He then introduces her to the only other person living in the building, his grandfather August (Christopher Lee!).

Lee agrees it's Hammer time.

How lovely to see Lee and Hammer reunited after all these years.  Unfortunately, his role here is limited and really not much to speak of.  He does still manage to continue to creep me out, though.   Playing the grandfather to Morgan's character, he is a brittle diabetic who depends on Max to keep him going.  As is expected, he gives off a weird vibe, as in - so is this guy just the eccentric old gomer next door or possibly just a red herring?

No wonder she sleeps in...

Meanwhile, Juliet is drinking copious amounts of wine, taking lots of self-pleasuring baths, leaving windows open for curtains to whisp in the wind menacingly, prancing around in her underwear, and sleeping through her morning alarm every day.

♫ ...I want you to want me...I NEED you to want me...♫.

Quicker than you can say Boys Don't Cry, Juliet is making a play for Max, while still attempting to keep that 'I just came out of a bad relationship so I don't want to go too fast' facade.  Too bad it seems like she wants to jump his bones.  Max however, counters her move with a 'I don't want to take advantage of you so I'll act all uninterested' play.  I swear to god I've not only seen this move a thousand times in every bad rom-com I've ever seen (and most good ones, truth be told) but I've also read it in dozens and dozens of books.  Please...something new.  How about he just throws her up against the wall and they make sweet love amongst the fresh paint and the precariously positioned ladders?  Bah.  Doesn't happen.

Cue Blondie's 'One Way Or Another'... ♫.

But Max warms up.  And this is where it gets interesting. 
Nah, not really.

I don't think I'm spoiling too much here (just check out the DVD case for proof) when I say it turns out Max is a swarmy perv with less than honorable intentions.  Oh yeah, and there is a method to his madness.  He has reasons, albeit redundant over-used ones, for doing what he is doing.  But he's still a creep deep down, made blatantly obvious by all his Psycho-esque peephole glancing, Single White Female stalking, and downright unsettling When A Stranger Calls nighttime perversions.

Once Juliet finally catches on (which in all honestly takes her waaaaay too long to figure out) to how repugnant and insidious Max is, it's too late.
Wow, am I still discussing this? 

Better chemistry, better booze.... (P.S. I Love You)

There is absolutely nothing fresh and exciting about this film.  Apparently Hilary must have her two Oscars out of sight at her house and fired or screwed her agent, because to agree to do this film - assuming she read the script prior to signing on - was well below an intelligent move for someone of her acting status.  Ditto that for Morgan.  I've always liked everything he's done.  Heck, these two even starred together in the sappy P.S. I Love You - in which they actually had better chemistry than she did with her other co-star (Gerard Butler).  They've worked together before so they should have an easy-going feeling about them, but instead it just seems forced.  The scenes in which they are seemingly falling in love work, but once Max turns into Peeping Tom, it doesn't flow at all.  Maybe it's just that difficult to imagine Morgan as the bad guy, I don't know.
All I know is that I truly wanted to like this movie, and it disappointed me on so many levels.

So I thought, in conclusion, I would leave you with THE RESIDENT, in pictures.  Chronologically, in case you haven't guessed.  Fair Warning:  spoilers ensue.

And so there you have it.  Now you don't actually have to watch The Resident.  I've saved you an hour and a half of mundane mediocrity, and you should be thanking me.  Perhaps I should have just posted the pictures...