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| Bram Stoker's Dracula |
It would be hard to consider a list of
unfortunate couples without including the ultimate love story, so let's just get this one out of the way first. In
Francis Ford Coppola's opulent retelling of the classic novel, destiny
brings two lovers together again in another lifetime only to be torn
apart by hatred. Though Mina Murray is already betrothed to the
(horribly cast) Jonathan Harker, when she meets Prince Vlad she is
inexplicably drawn to him and is soon meeting him in secret and allows
herself to be courted by the mysterious Count. Things take a tragic turn
for the worst when the Prince's true identity is discovered and he is
determined to steal away with his long lost love.
Love never dies, people.
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| An American Werewolf in London |
Werewolf movies are always a kick in the pants to romance. And perhaps none more so than ill-fated love affair of David and Alex. After losing his best friend to a gruesome "animal" attack and suffering injuries himself, David's charms score him a place to stay with sexy nurse Alex. However, as we all know, that wasn't just some animal that worked David over, it was a werewolf. And we all know once the moon is full and the CCR starts playing on the radio, the carnage begins. Alex has only one task as the sweetheart of a hairy beast....slay him after professing her love. Beware of the moon....
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| Christine |
Yep, I'm putting Arnie and his babe of a car on this list because love breaks down all stereotypes.
Nerdy Arnie and his popular jock best friend Dennis happen upon a junkyard in which sits the the most beautiful girl in the world, a 1958 cherry-red Plymouth Fury. Though she's in shambles when Arnie hastily purchases her, Christine quickly comes alive and takes hold of Arnie with an unmatched love. And Christine will stop at nothing to possess Arnie's heart and soul.....but mostly his soul. She's bad to the bone.
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| The Evil Dead |
Ash and Linda were just a couple of crazy kids headed to the obligatory cabin in the woods with some friends for a weekend of fun. As we all know, that didn't exactly work out too well when the deadites showed up. When Linda is possessed by one of the demons, Ash is forced to stab her when she attempts to kill him. Dragging her out into the shed, he tries to dismember her but is too broken-hearted to do it, so he just buries her in the yard. Naturally, in this world, the dead don't stay dead and Linda raises from her shallow grave and once again tries to attack Ash. This time he takes off her head with a shovel. Love....sometimes you just can't get ahead. Sometimes you can.
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| Cannibal Holocaust |
Well, it served them right, didn't it? When documentary filmmaker Alan and his girlfriend Faye trek into the Amazon rainforest with their two cameramen, they should have known what they were getting themselves into. Trying to film a documentary about previously undiscovered indigenous tribes was always a bad idea - but they agitated the living hell out of the Yacumo tribe by gang-raping one of their virgins and shooting another in the leg in order to locate their village. The couple and their friends had already murdered various creatures in the forest, which for me is a death sentence anyway - and they certainly got their due, in particular Faye who is violently gang-raped and beheaded while Alan watches from behind some trees. But don't worry, he doesn't last long after that. The other
other white meat....it's what's for dinner.....
Honorable mentions: Creepshow (Something to tide you over), Eden Lake, Thirst
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