There's No Place Like Horror, Part 2: Horror's Most Undesirable Living Spaces

And so here you have it, the ying to the yang.
Just a few short weeks ago, both myself and the prolific and wonderous Kindertrauma posted our top ten horror homes we'd love to live in, and today we return to the same subject, minus all the happiness and glee.
We now bring you our top ten fear-inducing, crappy-ass places we'd NEVER hang our hat.


10) Jaws, The Orca - Terror on the high seas...
I'm sorry, but as much as I love the ocean, this is no place like home. Unconventional at best, The Orca still serves as much as a home as anywhere else.
But I, for one, won't be holing up in it telling tales of the Indianapolis - or being served up as a hot lunch. But let us remember, it's only an island if you look at it from the water. Um, no thanks.



9) Jeepers Creepers - The old cat lady's house...
While on the outside, it doesn't appear that odd, it just creeps me the hell out. All those cats! Don't get me wrong, I love cats - I own two. But with them slinking around in every window and jumping off the banisters, I cringe every time I watch this film. Let alone the weirdness of the old woman. But all I can really think is this: How would you ever get that cat shit smell out of that house?



8) Poltergeist - creepy urban nightmare...
Can I just say I hate this house? I don't like anything that screams early 80's suburbs, and this one takes the cake. And I absolutely hate garages placed in the front of a house. It's the first thing you see, and who wants to notice two blinding white doors shouting out at you. The fact that it is buried on an ancient Indian burial site is just icing on the cake. And lastly and most importantly, this is the house with that creepy effing clown doll in it. This is a big no-no house.



7) Evil Dead - where the woods are alive...
My hubby and I actually own a cabin in the woods that looks rather similar to this. That being said, we don't generally have to worry about Kandarian demons coming up from the gates of hell and attacking us. There is no bridge that we have to cross that is later rendered useless. We never hear disembodied voices asking us to join them. And I've never, ever had a problem with the trees, okay? So quite frankly, since I already own a similar cabin (without all the flaws and disadvantages) there's no reason to risk demonic possession. How about no...



6) The Abandoned - How about no effing way!...
Maybe many of you haven't seen this film, but it makes a lasting impression if for nothing else but this house. Deep in the Russian woods, with a bridge the only access in, this place just reeks atmosphere. Generally, I'd be all about an address like this - off by itself, inaccessible to pretty much everyone....but to be honest it just creeps me the hell out. It's insanely ominous, and all I can think of are those damn doppelgangers. Gah!



5) Alien - I'm afraid to fly anyway...
Where no one can hear you scream. Literally. Far from the beaten path, hell- far from any path, the Nostromo is certainly not a place where I would feel comfortable hanging my hat. Besides that whole far far away thing, there's the fact that everything is so starkly white up top and so darkly technical and sinister on the lower decks. You never know what might be lurking around the next corner. And since I actually know what is lurking, I'll take a pass.




4) The Blair Witch Project - NO. Just no.
Holy Jesus I'd never live here. While it might be kind of fun, in a Ghost Hunters kind of way, to come across this one deep in the woods and check it out - you probably wouldn't find me here after dark, and I'm not easily frightened. Those hand prints on the wall? That leaves the upstairs out, and I'd be scared to death to even venture into the basement. Nope, ain't gonna happen.



3) Wrong Turn - Hillbilly hell is not appealing...
Between this movie and Deliverance, I will never be comfortable in any of our nation's deep backwoods. And while I live only ninety minutes as the crow flies from the lovely state of West Virginia (where this film supposedly took place) and though I have yet to see anyone quite as...special... as the rednecks in this film, just the thought of the inside of their lovely abode, with its wretched bathroom facilities and foul collection of canned goods is enough to keep me off the back roads indefinitely.



2) Candyman - Cabrini-Green is just not my style...
This monstrosity of impoverished living is this high on the list for a reason. City living will never be me, and these housing projects in Chicago's North Side scare me silly. I've nothing against apartments, but if this place is as ghastly as is presented in the film Candyman, I've no desire to even look at it out of a car window. Besides the obvious gang violence hovering about, the insides of this beauty are just downright dreadful. There is just no way I'd set foot in this shithole.



1) Friday the 13th Part 2 - Just a nice little slice of real estate...
The home of Potato-sack Jason, I've always been terrified by this dilapidated old shack. And we all know the the 'living room' boasts a morbid altar of epic proportions that's just ahead of its time. (Bad pun, I know..) Not only can there not possibly be a bathroom of any kind, I'm gonna take a guess and say that the kitchen leaves a lot to be desired. Plus how would you heat this place? Gotta be big time drafty and uncomfortable. And let's face it, it is completely hideous, just like its owner.

So there you have my top no-no's as far as real estate choices within the horror genre. So pop on over to Kindertrauma to see Unk's choices for the places he wouldn't be caught dead in. Quite literally...