Monday, August 9, 2010

There's No Place Like Horror: Top Ten Killer Homes I'd Move Into Tomorrow

When the great and powerful wizard of Kindertrauma speaks, people listen!
Seriously, when my good pal Unk and I had a little throw-down discussion about retiring to the very same house by the sea that we both fell in love with when watching the movie The Dark, a crazy idea came to mind. Well, the idea wasn't as crazy as we are for thinking we will be moving to Wales any time soon, but it did get us thinking about our favorite houses from horror films. So once you take a look at my lovelies, click on over to Kindertrauma for Unk's favorite places he'd like to call home.

Onward, to peruse my tabulation of terrific places I'd love to roost.

10) April Fool's Day (original) - Buffy/Muffy St. John's house in the original 1986 version of the campy classic is a gorgeous house on an isolated island. I'm all for isolation, and I loved everything about this place. Only accessible by ferry? Rock on! And I do hope they left the mannequins in the attic/basement so I can scare any of my friends that come to visit. And myself, quite frankly.


9) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre ('74) - Now that it's obviously been spruced up a bit, this house is actually a feasible possibility. It appears as though you could afford it, and it has family-friendly accessibility and a nice front porch. Plus that really cool basement to boot! No word on whether or not the giant hook is still hanging from the ceiling. It was either this one or the one from House of 1000 Corpses. They are really interchangeable, as far as farmhouses go - but I went with the Tx. Chainsaw one due to the obvious perks.

8) Hell Night (Garth Manor)- Hard to recognize this one? Think back a bit to the early 80's and chubby-era Linda Blair's bouncing breastages. Still can't picture it? How about this:


This house boasts sprawling gardens, turreted rooms, a cavernous underground labyrinth, and best of all - a moat! How many places have one of those these days? Hopefully the ghost of Raymond Garth isn't still lurking about.

7) Collingwood (Dark Shadows) - Everyone knows I have an extreme appreciation for all things fanged and undead. Well, I also have an unyielding love of enormous, rambling estates with tons of creepy personality and vampires to boot. It would take me a damn month just to do a walk through of the place. But this melancholy offering suits my morbid, eccentric moods. This place just says home to me. My wallet however, says no freaking way.

6) Practical Magic (not quite horror but I couldn't resist) - My love for this house knows no bounds. It's everything I like in a place. Loads of character, right by the sea, and tinged with a bit of supernatural magnetism. The thought of drinking midnight margaritas on the porch of this charmer has me making a wish. But not for Goran Visnjic to appear and sweep me off my feet. How about Joe Manganiello instead, please.

5) Ghost Story - Unk knew I'd want this one, and he was ever so right. While it seems like a major fixer-upper, I've also added a pic of what it looked like before the decay set in.


This house freaked me out quite rightly the first time I saw this movie, and I've loved it ever since. Solitude that oozes eerie atmosphere, I can actually see my self sipping tea in the yard or hosting a lovely barbeque for all my friends. Hmm... okay, we'd better go back to the solitude idea.

4) The Changeling - I had so many pics of grand estates from so many movies to try and choose from (the otherworldly mansion from The Others, the castle from Vampyr, The Skeleton Key and Interview With The Vampire plantation houses), but I couldn't resist the sheer beauty of this old place. I could totally see myself hanging out by one of those top floor windows, admiring the magnitude of my obvious wealth. Or just being creepy like Mother in Psycho.

3) Burnt Offerings/Phantasm (same house) - Weird that both these movies were shot at the same house and it never occurred to me before. As you can see from the pic below, it cleans up well.

It is one beautiful house, but it sure looks like it belongs in Louisiana or somewhere equally as deep-south. A lovely abode to return to after a day of Juleps at the races or perhaps a Civil War reenactment. Can't help but hear a resonating "Boy!" when I look at it though...


2) Secret Window - This is probably my favorite of all the houses, simply because it seems the most realistic, the most obtainable, and yet completely perfect. Truly, this one is the most me. Log cabin in the woods, right on a gorgeous lake, with a garden out back and mucho privacy? Yep, dreamy. Speaking of dreamy, wonder if Johnny Depp comes with the package deal?

1) The Dark (of course!) - Anyone who knows me knows I have this major thing with living on the coast of Ireland, Scotland, or Wales. Hence, my obsession with the house from the aforementioned 2005 film, The Dark. Though it's not visible here, the house lies right on the beautiful cliffs of Wales (actually I think it is on the Isle of Man, which stood in for Wales in the film) and beckons for me to enjoy a good book while watching the sheep graze in the yard. Or jump off the cliff, whatever the case may be.

So there you have it, my favorite places in all of horror-dom. Be sure to visit Kindertrauma to see where Unk would like to rest his weary, (blood-soaked) head. He's got his eye on more than just a few famous properties...including the one that just sold at 112 Ocean Avenue. Wonder if those new residents will last 28 days? If not, Unk will be waiting in the wings....




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18 comments:

TheGirlWhoLovesHorror said...

The reason I love Practical Magic is the hair, and the HOUSE! I would deal with crappy New England weather to live in that gorgeous abode.

The Spooky Vegan said...

Wow, this is such a cool list!!

Some amazing properties on here...makes me think of what killer homes I'd like to move in to!

Thanks for sharing!

The Film Connoisseur said...

I also thought the house in Ghost STory was ultra spooky, and the one for The Changeling as well!

Hey, you left out the spooky house from HOUSE, the one about the house that has all those dimensional portals in it.

Mickey B said...

Love your Joe Manganiello reference! SO HOT!

Have you seen this video interview?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3ZXgyubh2Q

B-Movie Becky said...

Awesome homes. I like the Secret Window one the most as well. I'm not a mansion type of person (although I do appreciate their beauty). You also pointed me towards The Dark, which I haven't seen....on to Netflix. :)

C.L. Hadden said...

TGWLH: Actually they filmed the movie in Washington state..but I was saddened to know it was just a set house and they tore it down after the film :(

Sarah: Thanks! It was SO hard to pick just ten. I could have done another ten or more. Now that I think about it, I think Garth Manor is my fave...what a gorgeous property!

FG: I think part of the charm of both the Ghost Story and Changeling houses is the fact that the movies were so creepy. It lends a sense of atmosphere, and certainly makes me want to ghost-hunt there...

Becky: Yeah, those mansions are great, but can you imagine cleaning or heating those places!?
And I hope you like The Dark. It's a slow (sometimes confusing) burn, but I love it.

Pax Romano said...

Excellent homes! But Buffy/Muffy's island home is my fave..."burn my bags, I'm home!" Think of the great parties you could have there.

C.L. Hadden said...

Pax: Oh man, if it wasn't after 11pm and I didn't have to work tomorrow I'd so slide April Fool's Day into my DVD player....I love that film. "It's gonna be better than nice. It's gonna be bloody unforgettable!"

Trick or Treat Pete said...

Very cool choices in real estate! I never realized either that it was the same house in both Burnt Offerings and Phantasm! I love Burnt Offerings..."I've been waiting for you..Ben" Plus that house fixes itself up, easy maintenance, just a body a day keeps the termites away!
Dreaded Dreams
Petunia Scareum

kindertrauma said...

All exceptional picks Christine! You've got some great taste in horror homes. I'll be kicking myself forever for forgetting Garth Manor. It really may be the ultimate horror house. I'm fantasizing that it comes complete with underground caverns to run around in! Thanks for turning me on to Collingwood too, the one horror house I've been missing out on all these years!-Unk

Matt-suzaka said...

AHHHHH...you totally rock for having Secret Window in there!!! Love that house and location so much! All your picks were great and I didn't know that Burnt Offerings and Phantasm were shot in the same house either.

James said...

I concur with all your choices. And if you guys need someone to help with the rent - I could be your kooky attic-dwelling lodger. Just sayin'... ;o)

Geof said...

Well for one thing, this is a great post and for another, thanks for the education on the Burnt Offerings/Phantasm home. Had no idea. I think the Hell Night house would suit me simply because I love labyrinths and the fact that the home itself is so beautiful.

C.L. Hadden said...

Petunia: It is kind of cool that that same house was used for two films, it allowed me to cheat a bit with my list!

Unk: Oh I hope Garth Manor has all those secret underground tunnels and rooms - that's part of its charm! And Collingwood, well- I think you'd have to have a working staff for that one, it's so huge!

Matt: I always figure that house is somewhere in Minnesota or perhaps the Adirondacks...either way it is so picturesque!

James: Oh yes, every creepy house needs an eccentric attic dweller/renter, which is infinitely better than a basement demon like Evil Dead...so welcome aboard! ;o)

Geof: I think everybody is on the same page here. Garth Manor seriously rocks!

Alli-Smith said...

Hey, I just started a new blog called "watch like you mean it" and I was wondering if you could tag me with a blog post sometime?
-Alli

Anonymous said...

Everyone forgets about the Elm Street house, but I'd live there in a SECOND. It may seem dull but when I see it I get a flood of awesome nightmares ^____^

Rabid Fox said...

Cool. The Secret Window cottage was amazing. I wanted to move in there. :)

Garth Manor looks disturbingly inviting, too.

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