Super Sunday...

GOOD LUCK BLACK & GOLD !!!

cool!

Steelers Pride

Just an unavoidable shout out to The Pittsburgh Steelers for winning the AFC Championship yesterday after defeating the Baltimore Ravens. Kudos to Polamalu for the pick that saved the day.

It's off to the Superbowl in Tampa to meet up with the Arizona Cardinals and their head coach Ken Whisenhunt - former offensive coordinator for the Steelers. You gotta love it.

Normally, I do like birds... however, in this case- I tend to remember that steel can crush a bird like nobody's business.

go steelers!!!

Depp as Barnabas? Say it ain't so...

I was googling my little heart out today when I read somewhere that the rumor regarding a Dark Shadows film (with Johnny Depp attached as Barnabas Collins) was circulating again.



Dark Shadows was a popular gothic soap opera that was on in the late 60's/early 70's. Johnny Depp is always quoted as saying he loved the show, and to play Barnabas would be a real highlight in his career.
So bring it on!

I keep seeing that the new film version is coming out in 2010, and that Depp's production company has the rights and Tim Burton (of course) was signed on to direct.


If Dark Shadows does come to fruition, it would mark Depp's 8th collaboration with Burton.

Well, this is the most positive proof about the Dark Shadows movie that I found:
A (very) short interview with prolific producer Richard D. Zanuck...

Really does sound like it's the truth this time. Supposedly they are working on it this summer.
Guess we'll see. Have to follow this story as info is available.

Meanwhile, I was thinking how truly perfect Johnny Depp would be in that role.



Most of the following pics are stills from Sleepy Hollow - but I'd have to think his look would be similar as Barnabas Collins.





And my favorite...



Please let him look just like that :)

Why, George, Why?

I know, it seems a real sacrilege to diss this film. It really does.
But I have to be honest when I say this movie just didn't do it for me.
Much as I respect the great George Romero (we're not worthy...we're not worthy) - I think maybe he might want to re-think any current zombie movies he might have on the brain.

Some people (or so I've read) are calling this a masterpiece. Seriously?
To me, it seemed like a cross between Cloverfield and MTV's The Real World (which isn't saying much on either account).
The whole hand-held movie camera schtick has simply got to end at some point, right?
It was absolutely brilliant in The Blair Witch Project.
Then everyone and their mother started doing it and it meant nothing. Not clever. Pure crap.

Ok. Plot goes like this: The recently deceased are coming back to life.
WOW, something new, you say? I wish.
This concept was great. In 1968.
Forty years later and we have nothing new to add but a movie camera filming the events happening? Ugh.

The acting in this movie sucked. I especially hated the lead character Jason (Joshua Close)...he was the jackass shoving the camera in everyone's face as they ran for their lives. Hated him nearly as much as his bitchy, completely unlikeable girlfriend, Debra (Michelle Morgan).
I wished a zombie would eat her freakin' brains!

Hard to believe anyone found this concept frightening. I sure didn't.
There were a few good gore scenes, but to be totally honest, Cloverfield came off more scary than this. And Blair Witch? Vastly superior to this poppycock.
We're supposed to believe that if a so-called zombie was chasing you - or your girlfriend - you would make sure you kept that camera rolling, no matter if your friend gets an ax in the head or their guts ripped out or what have you.
Silly, that's all I can say.
I wanted to punch Jason countless times and actually could not wait to see his innards turn to mush.

On a positive note: I did enjoy the mention of Pittsburgh (and surrounding locations) in the film, which is typical of longtime 'Burgh resident Romero.

Anyway... I didn't like Diary of the Dead, and now I know why I waited so darn long to move it up on my Netflix queue. Can't get those 96 minutes back.
Unfortunately, I have read on Wikipedia that Romero is making yet another zombie installment called (tenatively) Island of the Dead.
Help.

I am a HUGE fan of Romero's black and white original NOTLD, and drag it out on several occassions throughout any given year to get my zombie fix. But I'm not really much of a zombie freak, to be honest.

Echoing my previous posts, bring on the vampires.
I like my undead still do-able. Sorry.

Seriously!

Such a great sign.

However:
Would mean so much more if they spelled rotary correctly...

Gone to the dogs...

With the holidays just ending (a quick shout out to celebrate that fact), I've been trying to watch a few more movies, in particular horror.

I was really lacking in the month of December, simply because I had enough horror in every day life trying to deal with the behemoth that is the holiday season...
But in the last week, I watched two movies, both original takes on the werewolf story.

I have heard that 2009 is the year of the werewolf.

2008 was supposedly vampires, with the Twilight phenom, True Blood on HBO, and the fabulous movie based on the book of the same name: Let The Right One In. (Sadly I haven't seen the film yet, it hasn't been around here - but I say it's fab because I've only heard good things....)

But I assume the whole year of the wolf thing stems from the upcoming remake of The Wolfman (starring Benicio Del Toro and releasing in November '09) and the fact that the second Twilight film, New Moon (Nov. also), contains a major plotline involving lycanthropes/shapeshifters. I also read somewhere that there is a tv show in development about the moon-loving hairballs.

So, in that vein....

I must say neither of these movies thrilled me to pieces. They both were just mediocre. I will start with the one with the really hot dude, cause that's about all that kept me watching.

Skinwalkers (2007) is about two packs of werewolves, one good - one evil. Yeah, whatever.

The main point I need to make here is that Jason Behr (The Grudge, Roswell) is one really hot, evil werewolf. That's about all I got from this mess.

Jason Behr as "Valek"

The evil pack (who travel in a biker gang. Why? Because it's cool, right?) is trying to infiltrate the good pack because apparently there is a 12 year old boy among them that has the power (when he hits puberty or some such stupid thing) to - when the big creepy red moon comes up at midnight on the kid's 13th birthday (naturally!) - stop the evil affliction and release them from the curse.

There is something for the boys, too - Rhona Mitra stars as the boys mother, but she's pretty flat as an actress. She has never seemed realistic in anything she does. (Hope she fairs better taking over for Kate Beckinsale in the new Underworld movie - Rise of the Lycans... see, more werewolves.)

One thing that really irritated me was all the gunfire. There was more gunfighting in this movie than the shootout at the OK Corral! I mean, this is a werewolf movie. Show me some damn heads getting ripped off or something. Can't they at least bite someone? Most of the action comes when they are still human. And I guess they need guns to show who's boss. Dumb.

Basically this is one big wreck of a film. There's stuff about Native American curses, a few sex scenes, a bit of gore - and other than that, ugh.

But it was worth watching for Jason Behr, if nothing else. I've come to believe that since he can't really get a decent career off the ground, perhaps he should just model underwear...

Blood & Chocolate (2007) is even more convoluted than Skinwalkers.

It wants so much to be a Twilight-style flick for the younger generation, even though it pre-dates it more than a year - but it just doesn't get there.

Vivian (Agnes Bruckner) lives in Bucharest -that's in Romania, folks - where all the vampires come from - they couldn't even give the werewolves their own country. WTF?
She lives with an aunt because her parents are dead, killed by an nasty pack of werewolves. Vivian has her own little secret as well. Bet you can guess what it is. Yep, her time of the month is exceptionally harsh.

Aiden (Hugh Dancy, in an odd role choice) is a graphic artist traveling through Bucharest when he is bewitched by Vivian and they fall in love.
Unfortunately, Vivian is promised to the leader of the pack (please refrain from singing...), Gabriel (Olivier Martinez, who was much lovelier in 'Unfaithful'..).
Fighting ensues. Blah Blah Blah.

Basically all I can say good about this movie is this: They used real wolves instead of really bad CGI or crappy effects. It worked for me, but that's about all that did.
This movie falls flat on so many levels.

I am convinced there have only been three good werewolf movies in the last thirty years: An American Werewolf in London and The Howling (both 1981) and the under-rated and under-appreciated Dog Soldiers (2002)...
(Mini-props to Ginger Snaps (2000), I guess.)

Guess we'll see how they do with the Wolfman remake and New Moon... surely someone will get it right...

But for now, I'll just take my vampires, thanks.

Besides, not to be rude, but if you have sex with a werewolf (before he changes I hope) - does that mean you are into beastiality?
Ew. Bring on the vamps.

All the Best for a HORRORble 2009!

Dead on arrival.

Another bad movie warning: Don't dare bother with 'Dead of Winter' (2007)... not even if you are stuck choosing between it and say, the Prom Night remake. At the very least, Prom Night has Kellan Lutz in it.

First of all, the reason I rented this gem from Netflix is because I read somewhere that it was a cross between 30 Days of Night (which I really liked) and The Shining (obviously a classic and a fave of mine)...
Well, quoting lines verbatim from The Shining does not a good movie make.... and as for the correlation between this dreck and 30 Days of Night? That I don't get at all. Ok, there was snow in both films, I'll give them that. But no vampires, and certainly NO scares whatsoever.

The threadbare plot consists of this: Tiffany and Kevin are in their early twenties, about to move in together, and headed to a New Year's Eve party. At the party, one of Kevin's friends slips some LSD in their drinks and then tries to make it with Tiffany. (great friend, eh?)
Tiff and Kev angrily leave. They soon start tripping on the drugs and have a car accident because Kevin thinks he sees someone in the backseat of the car. (If only - at least that would have been somewhat alarming...) They leave the car and start running through the woods.

The End.

No, seriously - this movie really was as bad as it sounds. It is supposed to be scary I suppose, but to be honest, I was frightened more by Willy Wonka and his psychedelic boat trip down the freaky chocolate river and through that nausea-inducing tunnel to hell ("There's no earthy way of knowing....which direction we are going....")
All these two do is trip out, run through the snowy woods, and find abandoned buildings and shacks to scare the shit out of themselves in.

The acting is poor, to say the least. The cinematography is crap. There is no gore to speak of- and absolutely not one scary moment. I've been more shocked watching an episode of American Idol than this rubbish. They actually tried to startle the viewer with a malicious snow tram/plow (another rip off from The Shining?)... and then attempted to pull off a seriously malfunctioned twist ending that you could see coming a mile away.
Even funnier is the fact that at the beginning of the movie, it says this was based on true events. I find that incredibly hard to believe.

If you're looking for movies with drug induced stupors causing weird shit to happen, rent 'Shrooms' - though not an instant classic, it's much more effective - and the acting doesn't suck.

Dead of Winter = really really bad.

Merry Christmas from the gang!

It's so hard to get everyone together for a group photo...

Seriously?

Read on the internet today that some woman in Wilkes-Barre, PA. tried to sell "Gothic Kittens" over the internet.

Guess they had piercings and what not.



You can read this crazy shit here.

*No mention was made if the kitty came with his own iPod filled with emo tunes from Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Dashboard Confessional, etc...

Dark isn't a big enough word.

My thoughts on The Dark Knight: Why So Serious??

No pulse whatsoever

Well, add another movie to the list of "OH.MY.GOD. why did I rent this?".... and say thank you out loud that I didn't purchase this.

To be honest, the 'Pulse' remake (2006) was pretty bad, so why I thought this would or could be better is beyond me. What a waste of time. I could have watched a repeat of City Confidential and been more entertained. Why on earth it is marketed as a Dimension Extreme movie is the real question. There was close to zero extreme moments. No blood or guts to speak of.

Here's my take on it: Dude and daughter are running from an internet ghost, which happens to be the girl's mother and the dude's ex. The End.

Don't rent this. I just can't even be bothered telling you any more about it. Suffice it to say the acting is hollow, the plot is non existent, and the special ghosty effects are like watching Land of the Lost.

I'm just doing my duty, warning you to avoid this at all costs. Actually worse than Prom Night 2 and Paranoid Park combined. Bad with a capital B.

A few recent viewings

Seems I have been on hiatus from watching scary stuff these last few weeks. It's a busy time of the year for everyone, and seeing as how this is the silly season, I feel completely hurried and rushed all the time to get everything done for the holidays. This cuts into my horror habit and makes me cranky and unwilling to write.

I have, however, managed to watch a view films. (Besides seeing Twilight for the second time, that is...)

First, we have Immortality - a 1998 thriller (?) starring Jude Law.

With the Twilight book series coming to an end in August and the first book's movie adaptation, as well as HBO's vamp show, True Blood, it seems 2008 has been the year of the vampire.
I have forever been a fan of vampires, and so this strange obsession the world is having is old school to me. But it has brought a resurgence in my quest for new or unseen vamp action.

Immortality is a very different vampire film. Originally titled 'The Wisdom of Crocodiles' in its native Britian (there is a line in the movie that justifies this ridiculous title, but I can still see why they re-named it for American audiences), it tells the story of one Steven Grlscz (yep, no vowels, Vanna!).

Steven is, apparently, a vampire - but they never show his fangs, he walks around in the sunlight, he doesn't seem to have a problem with mirrors, etc. (Gee, kinda like Twilight now that I think about it). He does stalk women though, that much is true.

The beginning of the film establishes in no uncertain terms that any women that Steven gets close to seem to meet an untimely end. He does actually kill a woman onscreen - he violently bites her and 'apparently' drains her dead. This woman and he were in love, and that seems to be the real clincher for your damnation. You have to fall in love with Steven before he will kill you for your blood. He needs you to be IN LOVE with him so he can feed off that energy I guess. Like I said, a different take on the concept.

Steven then meets Anna, a strong willed and brilliant engineer, and cannot bring himself to end her life - he truly falls in love with her and feels that they are soul mates. But his internal hunger makes keeping her alive a real challenge for him.

All the while, Steven has a detective on his trail for the murder at the beginning of the film - in which he dumped the body out on a deserted watery causeway, which covers with the tide and makes hiding the body convienient. But Steven didn't cover his tracks as well as usual, and the detective and him form a rather strange bond throughout the investigation.

Jude Law is completely watchable in this brooding and eccentric movie. I find it difficult to call it horror - or classify it as a typical vampire film. There is little to no blood (save that one murder) and all the classic elements are non-existent. But there is a mysterious and psychological element that draws you in. I couldn't stop watching it and found it strangely intriguing.

Joy Ride 2: Dead Ahead (2008) is a direct to DVD sequel to the highly entertaining original from 2001. Obviously there was no reason to make this movie other than to capitalize on the name.

Having said that, it wasn't the worst movie I've seen recently (that honor would go to the awful Paranoid Park, or maybe the Prom Night remake).

Joy Ride 2 is basically just your average 'death on the road' flick.

Melissa (Nicki Aycox) and her fiance Bobby (Nick Zano) are on their way to Vegas for a pre-wedding bash of some sort. Along for the ride is sister Kayla (Laura Jordan), who in turn meets up with her online crush, punker/goth wannabe Nik (Kyle Schmid) - who she is hoping to get to know better (and we all know how much better that will be)...

Along the way their car breaks down (oh.my.god. - get some new tricks, movie people!) - then they find an abandoned house (we're reaching stretching the boundaries of NEW here, eh?) and decide to break in (Hello?) and end up 'borrowing' the gorgeously restored '71 Chevelle in the garage (yeah, like that would happen).

While having a meal at a local diner, they get a phone call from the nefarious Rusty Nail (our truck-driving, gravelly voiced villian from the first film) who has Melissa's boyfriend (apparently abducted from the rest room) and he wants to make a deal.

The movie just plays out like a cat and mouse thriller with some blood and guts thrown in for good measure. But there was something about it I liked, I can't put my finger on it. I think the production was a bit higher in class than most Direct to DVD flicks. The acting was good, in my opinion - with horror veteran Aycox seemingly scraping near the bottom of the barrel for work lately.

All in all, not a bad 90 minutes, and worth a purchase out of the $5 bargain bin at WalMart perhaps.

It's the holiday season...

I've gone off Christmas shopping for no other reason than to destroy my self confidence after looking at the crazy wealth walking around all the malls...
And they say there's a recession....

Be back soon.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Have a good one!

Meandering piece of rubbish

Now I know that Gus Van Sant is an acclaimed director and all that, and I suppose I am missing something here - maybe this was a good little independent art-house kind of movie and I just missed the 'good' parts (snoozing no doubt) -but to be honest, I hated Paranoid Park!

I'm thinking that people who think they are deep, thoughtful, discerning film critics will rave about the "astuteness and intensity" of this "profoundly moving and thought-provoking" piece of rubbish. It won awards at the Cannes Film Festival, and to that I say... WTF?

Anyhow, in layman's terms, the story goes like this:

16 year old Alex (played by Gabe Nevins, to whom I say 'get a freakin' haircut!') lives in Portland, Oregon and is somewhat moody and depressed (aren't all teens?) because his parents (hot mom and tattoo-heavy dad) are getting divorced. He starts spending alot of time at a local skateboarding park frequented by all types of wayward and rebellious characters. (To me, it looked like a great place to score some drugs.) And he never actually skates there, he just sits and watches the others.

One evening, he goes off with a somewhat older stranger (despite what parents always tell kids - they really are not listening) to try jumping a nearby freight train. Why? Because it's fun, apparently.
So they do, in fact, jump a train and are riding along when a lone security guard spots them and attempts to apprehend them. In the scuffle, Alex smacks the guard on the head with his skateboard, causing him to tumble backward onto adjacent tracks and into the path of another oncoming train. Uh-oh!
Naturally, Alex's buddy quickly runs off.

Now, right here is the only horrific and worthwhile part of the film. The security guard doesn't die outright. He is literally cut in half and begins crawling on his arms towards Alex, intestines trailing behind him in orderly fashion, all the while pleading with his eyes for Alex to help him. Of course Alex is completely dumbstruck, and does the least responsible thing possible. He beats feet out of there, leaving the man alone to die. In a subsequent moment of bewilderment, Alex chucks the skateboard off the bridge over the skate-park and into the water below.

The whole of the film is based on this morality dilemma. It shifts back and forth in time, and reveals the effect that something so horrific can have on a person. It shows the detectives questioning all the skater-boys in the high school - prodding for answers because they know the death was caused by foul play, as they have recovered a skateboard with the guard's DNA on it (though how the DNA wasn't compromised after being in the water I don't know).

The curious detective also questions the boys individually, and I doubt Alex could have looked more guilty than at that moment. He had the whole 'shifting eyes and avoiding the questions' thing going on.

There are a few other aspects of teenage life thrown in to kill time- Alex's girlfriend wants to have sex, and when they do, she calls all her friends and brags about it, then Alex breaks up with her - ? (Sounds like role-reversal there). Also there are some scenes of Alex going about his daily life, which are EXCEEDINGLY boring! Alex on the sofa, thinking or writing in a journal. Alex in his room, thinking or writing in his journal. Alex on a bench down by the ocean, thinking or writing in his journal! Alex walking down the street (nearly always shot in slow motion), thinking. Alex walking down the halls of the school, thinking. Just pointless filler.
The movie's running time wasn't all that long anyway (something like 85 minutes), and if you took out all the walking and thinking, it would be 15 minutes long, if that.
It is my assumption that we, as viewers, are to be amazed at the filmmakers uncanny ability to capture the essence of teenage life and the guilt that has taken over Alex's every thought. Yeah, I got that, ok? First 10 minutes and I understood he was pretty fucked up over his enormous life error, ok? I GET IT!!

To add insult to misery, the music that plays during this movie is some of the worst hogwash I have ever heard. It is not a score. They used random, genre-jumping, irritating songs (?) which quite honestly made me want to jab a pencil in my eye - or should I say ear?

This film is based on a book by Blake Nelson, and while I think the source material has almost certainly got to be more interesting, the film lacked any cohesiveness for me. I absolutely couldn't wait for it to be over, and was flipping through a magazine to pass the time by the last half hour. The ending.... well, let's just say there really wasn't an ending. One of those "go either way" kind of finishes. That was just the final punch in the gut for me.

I like all genres of film. Meaning this: if it has a decent or at least tolerable plot, I'm generally gonna like it. I really don't diss much - I can count on one hand the amount of movies I could not find any redeeming qualities in. Well, I might have to start on the other hand as of today.
I have such a hard time believing the same director that fronted 'Good Will Hunting' and 'To Die For' filmed this shit-fest. But then again, he was the same man who thought a shot-for-shot remake of Psycho was a good idea! Ugh!

Maybe I'm wrong, but this movie was just meaningless and insignificant, and may have been a better story if it was on an episode of Law and Order!

A Morbid Anniversary

Today in 1978 was the day that the Jonestown Mass Suicides took place.

I debated on which of my blogs to put this entry, but decided it was, in fact, more grim and disturbing than pretty much any horror movie I have ever seen.

November 18, 1978

*Jonestown is the notorious "community" of followers of the charismatic yet mentally deranged Jim Jones.
In other words, a cult. And the worst one in history. They called themselves "The Peoples Temple"...
These people wrote the book on cults. Jones established his own town in the country of Guyana, in South America, and "led" his people from California to his self-proclaimed paradise.
He really was demented and unhinged to think it was morally acceptable to have 900 people commit suicide together. Under any circumstances.

Jim Jones

On this date 30 years ago, 909 people died - only two of which were not poisoned by Potassium Cyanide in grape Flavor-Aid (no, it was NOT Kool-Aid) - most of which drank the concoction willingly. Jones called it "revolutionary suicice", and had his followers believing it when he commanded: "Stop this hysterics. This is not the way for people who are Socialists or Communists to die. No way for us to die. We must die with some dignity."

To attempt to explain his bizarre beliefs would be something I am not knowledgable enough to handle. I cannot understand socialism, communism, and all of the other aspects of his wacky ideas and axis of evil. You can go online and google it - there is no shortage of info available on the subject.

On that gruesome day, syringes with the poison in it were squirted down infants and children's throats. Jones thought that if the children died first, the parents and grandparents would have no reason to live. Everyone else followed suit.

It took about 5 minutes to die. That's actually a long time when it's your last moments.

Jones was found with a gunshot wound to the neck, apparently self-inflicted. To which I ask the question: was he too much of a coward to die by cyanide? What the hell?

The events at Jonestown constituted the greatest single losses of American civilian life in a non-natural disaster until the incidents of September 11, 2001.

What else can I say?

Except that it is equally as important to remember these anniversaries as those ones that bring us cheer and happiness. I was only 10 when this tragedy happened, but I remember it well.

Still do.

Info gathered from Wikipedia, as usual.

I Love Bond...

Went to see Quantum of Solace this weekend.
Loved it.
Some of my thoughts: click here.

Oddity of the week

Occassionally, I like to surf the web for stories of the strange and bizarre.

I think this fits the bill:

In October, Travis Fessler of Florence, Ohio, broke the Guinness Book record by holding 11 Madagascar hissing cockroaches in his mouth for the mandatory 10 seconds.
[Cincinnati Enquirer, 10-13-08]


Madagascar Hissing Cockroach

Seriously! People will do anything for attention.
Where was he when Fear Factor was looking for these kind of numbskulls??

(found at: http://www.newsoftheweird.com/ )