A long, rambling rant about Halloween II (2009)

First let me say this.

Why do these movies come out in August?

Anyway.

I like Rob Zombie. Despite the fact that he cannot sing, I enjoy his music.
And I think he is a decent director. It is obvious he is a bonefide horror fan and it comes through in everything he has done so far. He has a real feel for horror, I won't argue with that.
Regardless of the fact that House of 1000 Corpses felt like an extended music video... I'll give him a pass, it was his first feature.

The Devil's Rejects was good. The story flowed better and the gritty 70's grindhouse feel of the film completely worked in that case.

Okay. Then came the remake of the original (and sacred in my book) Halloween.

If you watch them back to back, it does make you pause, a rather sick feeling deep in your gut...

But if you watch Zombie's Halloween and pretend you've never heard of or seen the original, it works. I actually enjoyed it, delving into why Michael is the way he is. (Till the end, which is too drawn out.. too much screaming and too much hide and seek).

All that being said, Zombie's Halloween II is, for lack of a better word, a disappointment.

Just crazy.

Let's reconsider the original Halloween II. Never on my favorite list, I though it was completely and utterly boring. All that damn time spent in the hospital! Ridiculous flashbacks and methodic one-by-one killings that liken him to Jason Voorhees! It really made it look like they were just grasping at straws to bank a few extra dollars by pushing out a sequel. Bad. I don't even own it.

While we're at it, I will mention that though it was typical late-eighties horror fare that simply capitalized on a dead series, I liked Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. The acting wasn't great, and they had the mask all wrong (!), but it was semi-atmospheric and we hadn't seen Michael since '81. (I won't even make mention of the unrelated Halloween III. Moot point.)

The rest of the sequels were vastly inferior.

So here we are.... Halloween II as done by Rob Zombie.
Who, if I am recollecting correctly, swore he wouldn't do a sequel. Hmmm....

I liked the trailers I saw for the movie - especially the Zombie-fied one that leaked on the internet and had extensive use of Nights in White Satin....

So yesterday I sat down in a theater (with only 6 other people....'course it was only 11am on a thursday, but nonetheless...it should have been a sign) and watched as trailers for such fare as 'Sorority Row' (isn't that a remake too???) and 'The Wolfman' played. My anticipation was actually pretty high. I was stoked. I should know better.

I knew from the first few scenes that it wasn't going to make my top ten list.

We see young Michael, back in the sanitarium. Mommy (Sheri Moon Zombie, in a completely unnecessary role) gives him a gift. A white horse statue. Okay. Right there. Weird gift for a kid who is confined to a nut house for killing people. Those freakin' legs on that horse could be used as a weapon. I'm just sayin'...

Michael tells his mother he likes the gift - it reminds him of a dream he often has.

We get to see the dream, of course. It's his mom, dressed in a white gown like some sort of morbid princess, and leading a white horse down a white (no doubt padded) hallway.

Huh?

Flash-forward to the exact moment we left off in the first Zombie Halloween. Laurie (Scout Taylor-Compton) has just shot Michael (presumably in the face) and is now wandering the streets of Haddonfield, injured and bloody. As we see Sheriff Brackett (the always good Brad Dourif) pick her up and her ensuing gruesome hospital care, we also see Michael (Tyler Mane) being loaded into a Coroner's van. He's supposed to be dead, right?
Ahh... I think we all know better.

Actually this film borrowed more than once from Halloween 4. In it, Michael was also being transported and something goes awry. In this case, they hit a cow. (There's where the cow from Twister landed! I knew it would eventually turn up!)

So to make a long story short (too late...) - Michael escapes and there is a long sequence that, in similarity to the original Halloween II, finds Michael searching the hospital for Laurie.

Then, to really piss a person off in a 'Dallas' kind of way, we find out the whole hospital pursuit was all a dream. How Wizard of Oz can we get, here?

So now it's a year later (almost Halloween, natch) - Laurie is now living with the Bracketts (because though Annie was hacked up by Michael, she survived. Why? Because it's Danielle Harris, people). Laurie is a mental wreck because her parents were murdered in the first film, and of course because Michael's body was never found. She is going to therapy on a regular basis, working at some trashy looking record (?) store and has some equally trashy-looking friends.

These same friends convince her to attend a Halloween party with them.

Okay, stop. If I'd been pursued by a maniacal killer who wore a mask and stalked me on October 31st, the very last thing I'd want to do is celebrate Halloween. There's not enough Jim Beam in the world that would make me do that. I'd probably move to a country that didn't even celebrate it.

But Laurie goes to the party.

Michael, meanwhile, is busy working his way back to Haddonfield. How he ever got so damned far away is beyond me anyway. He has recurring visions of his mom and himself (as the clown-faced killer kid) that tell him to find Laurie (a.k.a. Angel, her given name) to bring her "home".
Uh-huh.

Seriously a poor excuse to use your wife in a movie. There could have been flashbacks, yes. And they could have been done well. But I felt like I was watching the video for 'Living Dead Girl 2' or something.

In the midst of all this fun, we get to see Dr. Loomis (Malcolm McDowell), who has also survived the mayhem of the previous year, capitalize on the story of Michael and the killings. Granted, it was actually a bitter reminder that that is, indeed what this world has come to. I'm surprised Zombie didn't have him starring in a reality series. That would have been totally akin to how this society rewards and utilizes victims and freaks. Loomis has written a book, and is touring and doing the talk show circuit.

(BTW- The part where Loomis is on a late night talk show and the other guest is Weird Al is hilarious.)

The culmination of all this... Michael finally makes it home. First he ends up at the very party Laurie is at and dispatches of a few of her friends. The he finds the Brackett's house (with his built in Homicidal GPS system) and Laurie arrives there after the party. The 'inevitable chase' part starts here, ending in a shed where Michael holes up, holding Laurie hostage while Mommy and little Michael look on.

Confusion. Dismay. Contempt. Disdain. And most of all, hostility. These are the emotions I felt at the end of this film. Gosh, I so wanted to at least accept it. To not be thinking about how glad I was that the matinee was only $4.75.

In the end, it just goes to show you the franchise in indeed, DEAD.

But alas, that is the same word Dr. Loomis used about Michael. He even spelled it out for a large crowd.
D-E-A-D!
He went as far as to say Michael Myers is "fucking dead"!!

And I fear he may still be wrong.

I have heard (and shook with fear and had night sweats afterward) that there will be another Michael installment. Halloween 3D.

Say it with me: Oh. My. God.

Rob Zombie has even bowed out of this one.
That should say something.

And because others have done so (please see my fave list here at the Vault of Horror), I give you the top ten things that pissed me off about Halloween II (2009):

1) How many times can someone say 'fuck' in a row until it really doesn't mean anything anymore? When the coroner's assistant is in the car accident while transporting Michael... he says the F-word like...427 times. Continually. Only stopping to drool blood. Come on!

2) They hit a cow in that accident. It died. I hate that.

3) When Michael disposed of some local hillbilly types, they had a dog in a cage in the back of the truck. He killed it. Then ate it. I hate that.

4) Laurie's friend Harley (yes, seriously) is really goddamned ugly. Whether she is going for the Rocky Horror Picture Show look or not. Ugh.

5) Hated the whole 'Michael's mom is a creepy yet inherently sexy ghost' crap. No No No.

6) Mini-michael. Unnecessary as well. Flashbacks would have been fine. This new kid just didn't have the raw nastiness of Daeg Faerch from the first one.

Chase Vanek/Daeg Faerch

7) B-Sol mentioned this on his blog (see link above) and I agree. Not enough Danielle Harris. She can act rings around Taylor-Compton, and she was underused here. Basically she was just there to cook for Daddy and clean up Laurie's vomit.

8) Michael made noise. He grunted, sometimes fiercely, when he sliced and diced. The Shape does not speak, in any capacity. Basic Halloween knowledge, Rob. Hello?

9) I never thought I would ever write these words: too much violence. I don't mind gore. I like it, even. But there was waaaay too much overkill here. She's dead, Mikey. Enough's enough. Do you really need to stab her repeatedly twenty times?? Move on. And the damn sound effects to all the slashing - almost nauseating. In and out, in and out. Gushing blood and sloppy wet deaths. Wow.

Michael (the original) would never made such a spectacle of killing someone. It wasn't who he was.

10) The one dude in the coroner's van discussed actually screwing a dead girl's body. Was that really necessary? They were already weird enough. Do we have to think about that kind of thing, even though I'm sure it happens somewhere, sometimes.
He was the same dude that shouted the F-bomb so many times, too. Figures.

And to end on a positive note, I will mention what I did like about the film.

I really liked the white horse. It was pretty.

vampire kitties

What's that I hear??

Because I love lists, here are a few of what I would consider 'well-placed' songs in Horror Movies:
Bear with me, and feel free to disagree - or suggest a few of your own.


1) Sympathy for the devil (The Rolling Stones)- Interview with the Vampire




I love this song for the ending shots of Lestat and the interviewer in the car. Perfect.


2) Mama Told Me Not To Come (Three Dog Night) - April Fool's Day


Some people call this flick a cop-out, I thought it was brilliant.


3) Don't fear the reaper (Blue Oyster Cult)- Halloween


Iconic tune - also used in Zombie's 2007 remake and during the 'love' scene in Scream.


4) First Cool Hive (Moby) - Scream


Speaking of Scream, it has alot of fairly appropriate songs, but this tune (sans lyrics) seems to fit just right for the mood.


5) Down with the Sickness (Disturbed) - Dawn of the Dead (04)


Seems to be written specifically for this movie, but those in the know are aware that it was used in Queen of the Damned prior to DOTD '04.


6) Before I'm Dead (Kidney Thieves) - Queen of the Damned


Ahh.. Queen of the Damned. Some people just freakin' hate it. I do not. And the end credits song is really...cool.


7) After Dark (Tito & Tarantula) - From Dusk Till Dawn


My husband still begs to watch this movie. One guess why? Alas, not for the music.


8) People are Strange (Echo & The Bunnymen) - The Lost Boys


The 'vampires are us' theme song, really.


9) Summer Breeze (Type O Negative) - I know what you did last summer


Fluffy teen flick had some killer tunes. I still listen to the soundtrack, it's one of my faves.


10) Hip to be Square (Huey Lews & The News) - American Psycho




Who ever would have expected this 80's gem in this kind of flick? Well done.


11) Don't stop me now (Queen) - Shaun of the Dead


All the music from SOTD is well thought out, though none as appropriate as this one!


12) Sweet Dreams (Marilyn Manson) - House on Haunted Hill


Love this Eurythmics cover - in anything, anytime. But really liked it as the group of guests were coming to the house.


13) Love Rollercoaster (The Ohio Players) - Urban Legend


Because the song itself IS an urban legend within itself.


14) Hurdy Gurdy Man (Donovan) - Zodiac


A haunting song for an equally haunting movie. It will stick in your head.


15) Blue Velvet (Bobby Vinton) - Blue Velvet


Not on the original soundtrack, strangely enough. But certainly used in the disturbing Lynch film.


16) Wait for the rain (David Hess ) - Last House on the Left (1972)


A cover of this was used in Cabin Fever as an homage, but I think Hess's version is the real 'shiny happy tune'.


17) Bad Moon Rising (CCR) - An American Werewolf in London


Every song in Landis's masterpiece spoke of 'moons' - but this one really comes along at the right time.


18) Dark Secret (Matthew Sweet) - The Craft


Also a great alternative soundtrack, there were many tunes appropriate for this movie, but this one encompasses the whole 'witch' thing pretty good, and was used at a really great time within the film.




19) Pet Sematary (The Ramones) - Pet Sematary


Gosh, I can't actually remember if this song was used in Pet Sematary or its sequel, but I couldn't resist putting up a pic of poor, doomed little Gage....


20) Jeepers Creepers (Paul Whiteman) Jeepers Creepers


The Mac guy - having a really bad day.
Should have stuck with a PC I guess.


21) Pussy Liquor (Rob Zombie) - House of 1000 Corpses


Zombie's films are always filled with good tunes, not necessarily his own. But this one has a grindingly good beat and you just can't help but sing along.


22) Redemption Song (Bob Marley) - I Am Legend


They also used Marley's Three Little Birds... but lets be honest, folks - everything wasn't gonna be alright, was it? End credits tune was ideal.


23) Mr. Sandman (The Chordettes) - Halloween II (1981)


I also liked the psychedelic-sounding version from Rob Zombie's Halloween end credits.
Either way, it's a strangely weird song to use in a movie about a homicidal maniac. But ya' can't help but like it.


24) Bad to the Bone (George Thorogood) - Christine


Perfect opening tune. Maybe best ever.


25) The Midnight Special (CCR) - Twilight Zone: The Movie


"wanna see something really scary?"


26) Mad World (Gary Jules) - Donnie Darko


Shit, man. This goddamned rabbit still cares the hell out of me!


27) We've only just begun (The Carpenters) - 1408


Never did a Carpenters song disturb or annoy me more than during this crazy flick.

So there you have it.
Comments?

Soon to come: Songs I think would have been appropriate for horror movies but were NOT used.....

The Wolfman trailer - it rocks!

First of all, please take note that this trailer has Spanish subtitles - the trailer is in English - but there are subtitles on display. Why, you ask?
Because all the regular trailers on YouTube have been disabled so you can't share. Rude.
Anyhoo-
I think this looks pretty damn good. I'm only sorry it doesn't come out in November as it was previously supposed to.
The good news is that it comes out 2-12-10. This is two days before my anniversary. I can ask for no greater gift:)

It's funny, right? Downright amusing, actually.

I don't like clowns.
But I'm not one of those people who literally freaks out about them. I won't go ape shit in fear if I see one, okay?
If you are, indeed, one of those people - don't watch the following clip.
(The whole clip is worth a look, but it freaked me out bigtime about 7:35 in)




The movie Amusement (2008) came up on my Netflix queue so it was my friday night flick.
To be honest, it was a real mess of a film. Things were presented in a strange, non-coherent manner - which sometimes works - but not in this case however.

The real jist of the film is three girls (Shelby, Lisa, and Tabitha) are stalked by a former geeky classmate who is pissed at them cause they didn't like his grade-school, animal-torturing diorama. Seriously.
How they get to the ending is a weaving, rather absurd hodgepodge of a story. It's almost like a 'Creepshow' or 'Campfire Tales' type of movie.

When the movie opens, we are watching a couple traveling by car down a dark highway. They've decided to convoy with a trucker and another car for some reason, so when they all stop to fuel up, the trucker convinces them to go down a back road because there is apparently some kind of traffic jam. The girl (Shelby) is reluctant but the boyfriend convinces her it will be fine.
And of course, it's not.
It's really one of those 'slap the character silly' moments.

We then move on to another little segment, this one involving Tabitha, who is babysitting (of course!). It is her aunt's house, so she knows the two little boys well. When it's time to pack it in and settle down for the night Tabitha tucks the boys in then heads for the guest room, which is inexplicably filled with clown dolls. On the shelves, bookcases, bed, chairs, etc. Someone has quite a fetish. Creepy. Personally, there is no way in hell I'd be able to sleep in that room.
There is one clown that is extra un-nerving. A life-sized character sitting in the rocking chair.
Ok. I've seen Poltergeist, and that just about scarred me for life. Add to that the clown from 'It' and the very first thing I'd have done is get the hell rid of that macabre jester.

Tabitha is pretty freaked out, but is finally able to rest. Till the storm outside gets louder. Then the phone rings and she has to go answer it.
Cut to Tabitha in some sort of mental institution. Hmmm. Wonder what happened there?

Next up is Lisa, and her story is the weakest of the bunch. Basically it only involves her roommate who doesn't come home one night. Lisa convinces her boyfriend to go with her to a run-down out hotel (that actually looks more like the house from 'The Legend of Hell House' to be honest) to look for her cause the dude she was last seen with stays there.

Right.
Lisa's boyfriend works for the health department so he is able to gain access to the place (because the unusual concierge tells Lisa there is no room in the inn) and look around.
Things don't go well from there.
And finally all three stories come together in some semblance of a completion.

But it isn't really ever that good. The acting is actually pretty acceptable, its the plot that leaves alot to be desired. And the ending! Suffice it to say the three girls are trying to escape, and are running all over this expansive old dungeon-like insane asylum/prison/mansion with multiple floors and passageways- but when the inevitable one girl is left and escapes, the outside of the place is a little backwoods cottage.
I. Didn't. Get. It.

So anyway, there is a bit of disturbing imagery (see clip above) but other than that I'd have to say it's pretty random.

Vampires for the under 21 crowd...

Ahhh.... if only I were sixteen again.
I do realize I'm a complete screwball for vampires, I really do.

I pretty much like everything offered in the genre, which is why I will most certainly check out the new CW show - The Vampire Diaries. Even though it's directed toward the younger crowd and I'm in my forties. Yeah, I don't want to grow up. So sue me.

I have read the books by L.J. Smith - which the series is based on - and I actually have plans to write a bit about both these books and another little cadre of books you may have heard of - the Twilight series.

But for now, I will reserve judgement on the tv series until I've seen a few episodes. The books themselves are good, with interesting characters, and I think it's possible that the CW has casted the new show appropriately.

The stars of The Vampire Diaries: (Nina Dobrev as Elena, Ian Somerhalder as Damon, and Paul Wesley as Stefan)

It is my understanding that there were a few changes made for the series, the least of which is the noticeably different look of Elena. In the book she was a blonde haired, blue-eyed egotistical bitch. Obviously the lead in the tv show is a dark eyed brunette, but we'll have to see if she still has the same uppity swagger about her.

Truth be told, I didn't really like the character of Elena in the book.

Written by 'Scream' and 'Dawson's Creek' creator Kevin Williamson, it's bound to have witty dialogue and up-to-date awareness, as Williamson was fairly famous for having his finger on the pulse of the teenage scene. It is said that the feel of the show is much more "Buffy" than "Twilight". There are bound to be inevitable comparisons, particularly because the Twilight hype is going to increase even more than now (is that even possible?) when 'New Moon' hits theaters in November.

But I'm willing to give it a shot.
And like I said, if I was sixteen - I'd be all over this show like flies on shit. Those vampire dudes are scorching hot..

And I miss Boone. (Somerhalder played the ill-fated character on LOST).

I have a feeling this show will be the next big thing. Vampires are so trendy right now.

Last House of Irony

Whomever does NOT know that this movie is a re-make of the 1972 Wes Craven 'classic' should absolutely stop here. You should not even be on this blog, so perhaps it's time for you to go back to your endless surfing and leave us horror fans alone.



The Last House on the Left is yet another Hollywood snazzed-up remake. In this day and age of "why can't anyone think of anything original?" we are bombarded with updates and re-imaginings... will it ever end? Do I even want it to?
I pretty much like 80-85 percent of horror movies that I see, so bear with me if you hated this movie.

Much as I dislike unoriginal ideas, I will fess up to actually liking this movie.
When I put it in the DVD player, I kind of removed myself from the memory of the original, difficult as it was.

If Craven's '72 version had never been made, this movie could decidedly stand on its own.
Matter of fact, it would work well.
And it does.

That being said - it is a ruthless, brutal, and unforgiving movie - not for the faint of heart, or the not already desensitized horror fan.
Still sitting in the prominent producer's seat is Wes Craven himself, with son Jonathan along for the ride as well. Craven tapped Dennis Iliadis as director.

Starts out with Mari and her parents heading up to their secluded summer house. There's been a tragedy in the family - brother Ben has been killed in an accident about a year ago, apparently there at the retreat, so everyone seems on nostalgic pins and needles when they arrive.
Soon though, they are in the groove and Mari cons the car keys out of the folks (mom quite reluctant, dad giving in easily) so she can go to town to meet up with her friend Paige.

In the stupidest part of the movie, the girls make friends with a young stranger who has come into the store where Paige works. He offers to give them some weed in exchange for them overlooking his age so he can buy cigarettes. How assinine is that? Why would you even want ciggies if you had marijuana back at the ranch? Whatever.
Paige sells him the smokes then the girls both take off with smoke boy in tow. (Apparently Paige's boss doesn't care that she leaves the store unattended while they go get high!)

Back at the seedy motel, Justin (smoke boy) and the girls are having a grand ole time making merry with the wacky weed....until Justin's dad, uncle and the dad's girlfriend (Garrett Dillahunt, Aaron Paul, and Riki Lindhome) come back.
In a few moments time near the beginning of the flick, you have been shown that Justin's dad, Krug, is a killer. He is under arrest and being transported somewhere when his brother (Francis) and lover (Sadie) show up and wreck into the police car, breaking him out and making a bloody mess of the officers. So you know, when this group comes back to the motel, things aren't going to end well.

The girls find out just who these three are and the criminals know they can't let the girls get away. So they are driving (why they don't just shoot the girls in the motel and be done with it is beyond me - would've made the movie about 75 minutes shorter though...) out of town and Mari, being brave, thinks she can make a break for it by burning the girlfriend with a cigarette lighter. I'm thinking that wasn't her best idea, but hey..

Naturally that plan backfires big time and she jumps out of the car, making a mad dash into the woods - where the nasties of the original film took place.
Same goes here.

Both girls are violently attacked, demoralized and brutalized. Given the choice of watching the Theatrical Version or the Unrated Version, nine times out of ten I'm gonna pick the Unrated one, and this time was no exception.
If I ever purchase this movie, I want to watch the Theatrical version to compare exactly how much of this utter debauchery was show in the theater.
I've seen the movie Irreversible, and the rape scene in that movie is just about unwatchable. This clearly comes in a hard second. Poor Mari is brutally raped face down in the dirt and the camera never really breaks away. Your heart really breaks because unlike the character in Irreversible, Mari is more than likely a virgin - not that rape should be condoned in any case, but I'm just saying...



Mari's friend Paige has been stabbed repeatedly and left for dead. (Which is exactly what happened, I'm sure). No one is disemboweled though, as in the original - and I waited for it.
Mari is able to actually get away (though how she managed it after such an assault is beyond me) and dives into the river. Her rapist shoots several times into the water as she swims away - finally hitting her in the upper back of her shoulder. She is seen floating away and you pretty much assume she's dead.
I, however, never take anything for granted. I've seen too much.

The storyline of the original has the fugitives knocking on the door of their victim's parent's house.
And so does this one.
In probably one of the most ironic and implausible plot devices in cinematic history, Mari's parents (Emma and John, played quite well by Monica Potter and Tony Goldwyn) welcome the pathetic looking losers into their home, fixing their injuries (ones that their daughter and her friend in fact inflicted) and giving them a warm bed for the night.



Would you seriously do this?
In the original, none of the foursome looked even remotely normal, so in essence it does seem a bit more reasonable that in this remake they would let them in. And it's storming to beat the band as well. Lights and phones are out, making it impossible to call for assistance. Or for the criminals to see the photos of Mari on the fridge door. Also helping the credibility is the fact that Mari has taken their only vehicle, so they have no car to either take the four somewhere else or to go for help themselves.

But inevitably, due to the fact that poor Justin is riding a guilt trip like a surfer rides the waves in Hawaii, the truth comes out. Justin leaves Mari's necklace - which she lost during her attack - in the kitchen in plain view so Emma can see it.
And when everyone has bed down for the evening (the four interlopers staying in the 'guest house'), John finds a badly wounded Mari outside on the porch.
Naturally - in an "oh of course" moment - John is a doctor, so he is able to cauterize the wound and stop the bleeding. Oh, and put in a makeshift chest tube to drain blood from her lung. Oy.
Anyway...

Once John and Emma discover the reality - and gravity - of the ironic situation, it becomes a total tale of revenge and retribution.



And that's where it gets gory.
I won't go into all the gruesome details - because I think everyone should check it out for themselves. Suffice it to say, the bad guys get their due.
The only thing I seriously missed from the original was the mom performing her own kind of oral justice on the bad guy's man bits. Craven had a nasty streak back in '72 I guess. Maybe he's losing his edge.

There are many points of continuity between the original and the remake.
The smoking of the weed, the necklace, the stabbing and rape, Mari getting shot and floating on top of the lake, the son's anguish and regret, and of course the convicts coming to her parents house. But they have updated it for today's times, and to be honest - it works.

And in the end, it's microwave popcorn for everyone.
Okay....maybe not everyone.

Clarification

Just an FYI for the curious.

No, my bloodthirsty friends, this picture is NOT photoshopped:



It's a still from sunday night's episode (season 2, ep 9 - "I will rise up") of True Blood.
And yes, it is Eric and Sookie in bed.
Great episode. One of the must-sees of the season.

So when I posted the above picture in a True Blood list yesterday, the questions I got from friends, family and bloggers alike regarding whether or not it is a real pic just gave me justification to post it again.
Because it makes my whole week to see it. Yee-freakin'-ha!

Help me, I think I'm switching to Team Eric....

True Blood: Sundays at 9 on HBO

10 Reasons why you should be watching True Blood

Okay... I'm just sayin'...

If you're not watching True Blood by now, you're missing out.

Either you don't have HBO (get it, you cheap sumbitch!), you're sick of the relentless vampire trend, or you have an odd aversion to anything that is virally popular right now.

In any case, here are ten reasons to jump on the bandwagon and watch this insanely addictive, well-casted, campy vamp-fest.

1) Sam Merlotte - Not that he really had it any easier last year, but this year in Season 2 - Sam has been put through the wringer and hung out to dry.

He almost always has this incredulous look on his face:


Sam Trammell as Sam (how convienient).

Poor guy has been accused of murder a few times already this year, been chased by a crazy bitch with a bull's head over her head (yep!), and got involved with no less than three women - one of whom had her heart cut out of her chest, one who left him for one of the undead, and the last of whom left him after her voodoo exorcism - that he incidentally paid for.

Oh, and people are always dying at his bar. Nice.

2) Lafayette Reynolds - what a freakin' hoot.

Nelsan Ellis as Lafayette

Last year he served up an AIDS burger with a side of shut the F**k up to a belligerent patron at Merlottes, where he is a cook. He also prostituted himself, sold illegal vampire blood, and ran an online porn site. This year's been tougher yet. He was kidnapped and tortured by vampires in a basement dungeon and basically sold his soul for his release.

Always lively, he steals every scene he's in.

3) Godric

Allan Hyde as Godric (with doomed friend)

The 2000+ year old vamp - the maker of one of the main characters - came to realize vampires have made no progress in getting in touch with their humanity.

He's in touch with his, though.... as long as you don't piss him off.

4) Jessica and Hoyt.

Deborah Ann Woll and Jim Parrack

Turned vampire against her will, Jessica was just looking for someone to care about when she met Hoyt.

Annoyed at last by his controlling, overbearing mama, Hoyt is proud to have Jess as his 'first'...over and over again.

They provide alot of the shows comic relief - but their storyline is sweet and unexpected.

5) That Maryann is a freakin' lunatic.

Michelle Forbes as Maryann (with Chris Bauer as Andy Bellefleur)

The problem in Bon Temps right about now isn't vampires...

No no... it's the resident nutjob who is making everyone's eyes go all X-Files-like.

the ill-fated Daphne falls under Maryann's spell

Black eyes lead the way to complete and utter chaos. There have been no less than three orgies this season so far.. maybe more, I've lost count. And not only are people having ridiculous amounts of uninhibited sex, they're doing things like eating dirt and being gluttons at the buffet.

Maryann has brought true anarchy to town.

Fun.

6) A side-note on the Maryann story is Eggs (as in Benedict) and Tara.

Mehcad Brooks and Rutina Wesley

Tara is lead character Sookie's best friend. When Maryann showed up the end of last season, so did Eggs. And Tara has been under both their influences ever since.

A side note of the side note: Eggs has the best six pack I may have ever seen. Whoa.

7) Speaking of fine looking forms:

Ryan Kwanten as Jason Stackhouse

Do I need to say more?
Okay. I will.

Jason isn't the brightest crayon in the box, that's for sure. Last year he was accused of murder practically the entire season. This year he got all wrapped up in the semi-quasi cult - the vampire hating 'Fellowship of the Sun' (which in itself was a humorous side plot!)

No sense being stupid 'less you show it.

And thank goodness he shows it.

8) And now for the vampires. Cause that's really where the BLOOD in True Blood comes from, right?

Stephen Moyer as Bill Compton

Yeah, I know there are alot of Team Eric fans out there, but truth be told, I read the books first - and as much as I grew to love the character of Eric, I still was on Team Bill.

The dark-haired, blue-eyed brooding vamp is hard not to like.

And Moyer plays the character with so many layers.

Bill is a true southern gentleman. When he's not exacting revenge on someone for hurting Sookie.

Moyer with Anna Paquin (Sookie Stackhouse)

As Sookie's first serious boyfriend, he is very protective of her. He is much more in touch with his humanity than most vamps, but as we've seen this season, that certainly wasn't always the case.

9) Eric Northman


Alexander Skarsgård as Eric

Eric's part has been increasing and amping up alot this year, in particular these last several episodes. 'Sheriff' of Area 5, this thousand year old former Viking runs the vampire hot-spot Fangtasia - but as of late has been making a play for Sookie.

He enjoys the bantering he incurs with Bill when he gets in between him and Sookie. He is completely crass, beyond arrogant, and totally domineering - but we've seen in the last few shows that it is possible Eric does indeed, still have a touch of humanity left.

Anyone who's read the books knows what's coming and it can only be assumed that Eric's part will continue to grow.

(That could be construed in two ways. Get my drift?)

Now if THAT pic doesn't make me want to switch over to Team Eric, nothing will.

10) Alan Ball, True Blood's creator... I mean, this is the man that brought you American Beauty and Six Feet Under.

The man continues to produce a stellar and impressive body of work, and True Blood is no exception. The witty writing, notable set designs, inspired casting, and flat-out superior production are all parts of his brain child.

Sure, Charlaine Harris gave him a helluva body of work to procure from, but he's turned it into one of the more memorable shows of this decade. And one of the best genre shows of our time.

Of course that's only one over-hyped fan's opinion ;)