Sunday Bloody Sunday

Dream Cruise

Session 9

A Blade in the Dark

The Haunting of Molly Hartley

Mirrors 2

.Rec

The Nymphos of Rocky Flats: Sex, Lies & Vampires, Oh My!

The cover you're most likely to find
in book stores.

Felix Gomez is a private detective.   A former soldier of the war in Iraq.  And a vampire.

Straying from the typical novels about the undead, and being neither too graphic or too sappy, The Nymphos of Rocky Flats by Mario Acevedo is also not a title you'd expect from a vampire novel, either.  Sure, it's catchy.  And it's certainly attention-getting.  But it doesn't exactly scream vampire, does it?
It's for that reason that I've ignored the works of Mr. Acevedo up until a few weeks ago.  When casually browsing amongst the fantasy/sci-fi section at Borders I happened to glance at the cover (which is incidentally a new one, truth be told) and saw a fang.  To which my heart did a flip-flop and I quickly grabbed the book off the shelf like there were twenty other vamp lovers breathing down my neck (there weren't). 

Reading the back cover had me a bit befuddled.  Vampires. Covert military missions. Secret government cover-ups.  Nymphomanics.  Wait...huh?  Always down for something unique, I snatched the book up and started it straightaway once home. 

Turns out Felix is a pretty funny guy...well, vampire.  Though he's a bit melancholy due to the circumstances of his transformation:  a soldier in Iraq, he mistakenly shoots an innocent Iraqi family and watches as a young girl dies in front of him - only to be then bitten by an ancient vampire who gives Felix the opportunity to always feel sorry for himself by changing him into the immortal damned.  But Felix has a good sense of humor, and tries to do good by investigating crimes (albeit mostly petty, forgettable ones) with the help of his preternatural skills.  Just hypnotize the suspect with your vampiric glare and make them tell you who they were screwing around on their wife with.  Easy-peasy.

When an old friend asks him to seek info about a so-called classified military link to a recent outbreak of - you guessed it - nymphomania, Felix is off to the Rocky Flats Plant - a former nuclear weapons facility in Denver - to poke around a bit.

The original cover

His shenanigans are quite humorous at times, as he struggles to keep his identity as a vampire secret.  He is blessed with the usual undead benefits, like the aforementioned glamouring victims - but alas, he has to remove his 'these-make-my-eyes-look-human' contacts first. Not always easy when the suspect is looking right at you.  He also has an aversion to drinking human blood, due to the horrific circumstances in which he was responsible for the Iraqi family's death.  He can't get over it, and is content to gulp down coffee spiked with goat's blood (his favorite), or chow down on some pasta coated with bull's blood. 
However, the fact that he doesn't indulge in human plasma presents another problem.  He is losing some of his vampire abilities and strengths.  A fact he doesn't want his friends (read: superiors) at the Araneum (the secret global network of vampires that oversee "all") to know. 

But Felix isn't completely helpless.  He manages quite well, actually - and even acquires the help of a lovely young female -who's not entirely human herself - to make the chore of finding out just what the hell the government is hiding out there in the Flats just a little less of a task.

When starting this novel, I had a bit of a fear that it would be a bunch of military mumbo-jumbo and government jargon that I wouldn't understand, but after about two pages in, I was hooked.  There are a lot of laugh out loud moments here, but also a fair amount of guns, blood, and danger.  I can't call it strictly humor at all - it is a nice blend of intrigue, vampire mythos, and wit.  The book's plot isn't predictable, and I wasn't exactly sure where it was headed, which is a good thing.  Sometimes it almost felt like Fox Mulder should be right around the corner.  While I wouldn't classify it as a sci-fi novel, it does have a lot of science fiction elements, and the ending most definitely slides that way. 

Best of all, it was just a flat-out fun read, and a nice change for me.  I'm quite a paranormal fan (Sookie Stackhouse is a personal fave) so Acevedo's book felt like a "guy's book" to me.  'Course it was written by a dude who was a former infantry and aviation officer, so guys will feel right at home here.

I've just started book 2 in the series, which for those who are interested is entitled:  "X-Rated Bloodsuckers". 
At least you know that's a vampire novel, right?

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Creepshow 2

Ghost Ship

The Horde

The Abandoned

Piranha 3D

Angel Heart

Bringing on the Fear: Part 3 -- Mirrors and Windows

It's been a little bit of a wait for the third part of my series on what actually scares me (the holidays will do that to you), but I'm back with one of my freakier fears which I'm sure a lot of people probably share.
Mirrors and windows.

In real life, I'm actually quite wigged out at a dark window or mirror.  Maybe I've seen Candyman too many times, maybe I just hate to see my reflection in a dark window, probably both.  I have a window at the end of the hallway at the top of my steps to my house's second floor, and every time I come up the stairs and see myself - or the shadow of myself - in that window it freaks me out.  As for mirrors, they are so popular in horror films - perhaps an over-used gimmick considering there are more than 20 films with the title The Mirror listed on IMDB - but damn if it doesn't give me chills.  People seeing something other than their own reflection back at them, or in a vampire's case - don't see...well, you be the judge.

THE SHINING

                     There are a whole lot of scary scenes in Kubrick's version of King's haunted
                   hotel. But this scene, when Jack enters the dreaded Room 237,  what he finds
                                       looking back at him in the mirror is simply terrifying.
                                                      So much for a quick roll in the hay.

TALES FROM THE CRYPT:  ...AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE

So maybe if Joan Collins hadn't killed her hubby on Christmas Eve, she
wouldn't have had such an issue with calling the police when there was
a homicidal maniac on the loose.  So much for hiding the body.

TWILIGHT ZONE:  THE MOVIE

"There's something on the wing of this plane!!!"
 John Lithgow made movie history in his portrayal of a man on
the edge, but how about this guy? At least he was a little
bit more frightening than the original man-beast from TV.

SALEM'S LOT

Anyone not creeped out by this scene can't be my friend anymore.
Seriously.  I love vampires  - and I've seen more than my share
in film waiting outside the windows of their victims.
But none have terrified me more memorably.

PHANTASM

 Most of Phantasm is kooky and bizarre, but there's no denying that

                                  the Tall Man is downright evil. That dude lurks...everywhere!

FRIDAY THE 13TH

So what does Marcy see in the mirror?  A reflection of a young woman
about to take a hatchet to the head, that's what.

CANDYMAN

The ultimate "Don't Look in the Mirror" film. 
I've been paralyzed with fear by this film since the very first time I saw it. 
I used to think I could do it...that I could say Candyman five times while
looking in the mirror.  I've since decided not to lie anymore

 

THE RING

The first time I saw The Ring the worst part for me was Samara

climbing out of the well.  Then, after closer inspection, THIS was the
scene that got me most.  The damn mirror!  Seeing her reflection in it.
Still makes me shiver.

REAR WINDOW

This is my second favorite Hitchcock film (and everyone knows what my favorite
one is so there's no need for me to say it).  It's also the reason I don't look
out my own window and into the neighbors house anymore.
Curiosity killed the cat.  And others as well.

THE TWILIGHT ZONE:  NIGHTMARE AT 20,000 FEET

Even though the "monster"on the wing of the plane pales in comparison to
the 80's remake, this episode of the greatest anthology series ever still packs
a frightful punch, if for nothing else but Shatner's constipated expression.

SUSPIRIA

Come on now, did you really expect me to make it through an entire post
without a mention of Argento somewhere?  Thought not.
To me this scene was one of the most unnerving of the film, simply because
as mentioned, I hate being able to see my reflection in a dark window.
You knew DAMN well something was about to happen...

ANGEL HEART

But he knows who he is, right???
How I loved Mickey Rourke in the 80's! And Angel Heart is one of my faves
because of all that creepy voodoo that he do. This shot makes you question
(as it does Harry, as well) just who he is and what is going on.
Yeah, a mirror always tells the truth.  Unfortunately.

POLTERGEIST

Can I just say holy shit right here?
The first time I saw Poltergeist I was doing fine... thinking Oh yeah,
I can handle this, a few chairs being moved, some weird noises,
disappearing little girls... then!  This scene DID. ME. IN.

THE MACHINIST

This pic is by far the most disturbing one you will see here.
In fact, this is probably the most disturbing film listed here and I'd be
willing to bet most people haven't seen it.  Needless to say, Christian Bale
as seen here in this mirror:  Lasting creepiness that will stick with you.

MIRRORS

While Mirrors isn't exactly crucial horror viewing, some of the visuals
are entirely heinous and macabre.  Right about here in the film is one of the
most traumatic and distressing scenes ever shown in a mirror, so it
had to be included here.  Hot damn, it's gruesome.

.

BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA

Ahh, the vampire. Forever banished from mirrors and unable to cast a
reflection within one.  Which makes this scene in 1992's Dracula so
unnerving.  And let's face it, Gary Oldman was a creepy old crud.

HALLOWEEN:  RESURRECTION

Michael Myers was forever lurking around outside windows, and
so it's pretty hard not to mention him here.  Laurie was constantly
witnessing Michael when she looked out the windows.  At the
clothesline, by the car, in the yard at the neighbors, Michael is a sneaky
nut. But he never fails to get his desired reaction.  Fear.

WHAT LIES BENEATH

There was a lot of steamy bathroom action in this film, but not the
kind you might think.  I'm always wigged out by steamed bathroom
mirrors, even in my own home.  Maybe I've seen too many movies,
but I always fear the thought of someone looking back at me when I
wipe away the excess steam...

THE GRUDGE

I think I may have mentioned at some point how much The Grudge freaks
me out.   Seeing the little boy in the window of the elevator window is only
one of the scenes that gets to me.  Another would certainly be when Sarah
Michelle is on the bus in broad daylight and sees Kayako in the bus window...

CARNIVAL OF SOULS

Carnival might be old, but it packs a punch as far as terrifying visuals go.
The ghoul that follows Mary around throughout the course of the film
turns up everywhere, including outside her car window- menacing her
with his disquieting grin and empty eyes. 

SECRET WINDOW

I couldn't not mention one of my favorite Johnny Depp films here.
Secret Window showcases him in all his bizarre quirkiness as if the
part was written for him.  Especially when he attacks himself in the
mirror, only to discover the truth does indeed, lie within the mirror.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

FRONTIER(S)

THE MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN

RUN! BITCH RUN!

SOCIETY

RED RIVER

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Lust for a Vampire (1971)



Dead Alive (a.k.a. Braindead, 1992)



The Passion of the Christ (2004)



The Hills Have Eyes (2006)



Aftermath (1994)

Happy Holidays From Fascination With Fear!!

Hope you and yours are feeling the love this Christmas!

Real Life Horror: A Rant About Xmas Shopping

Why do I do this to myself every damn year? I wait till the last minute, because life inevitably gets in the way, and then I am stuck at the godforsaken mall on the Sunday before Christmas.

I'm a relatively sane person. Most of the time. BUT... the holiday season gives me an anxious feeling in my gut starting about, oh..say, November 1st. They start pushing it down our throats at about 12:01 am and it doesn't end till the after-Christmas sales the second week of January. Black Friday should just be renamed 'the day we do not speak of' as far as I am concerned.

Thus this post, if you'll forgive me, is a peek into the horror I truly feel at dealing with the unenviable task of heading out to the mall. This, my friends, is real life horror - at its most reprehensible.

So I had a few things I desperately needed to get in order to have a Merry Christmas (well, in order for those around me to have a happy holiday - my relief was one-stop shopping at the liquor store!) and I found myself making the trek to the mall this fine afternoon. I had two goals: finish the damn shopping and make it home before the Steeler game came on at 4.
What happened from the moment I got in the car until I finally made it home (in time for kick-off, natch) is chronicled below. Bear with me.

People who take the carts out of Sears Grand ought to have their heads knocked off by those mall guards on the Segways. I do believe it says NOT to take them out of the damn store. But invariably some idiot with a couple unruly kids comes barreling down the small aisle in the literature section at Borders, one kid in the seat with his feet kicking his mom's crotch, the other standing up in the buggy section, pulling books off the shelves like cereal boxes. Why me?

And on that same note - what is up with those Segways anyway, I mean - seriously? How efficient would they be at stopping crime? I'm thinking I could probably out run any one of these yay-hoos if I had just snatched a purse or stolen a hot pretzel. What are the chances that the dude on wheels would actually catch me without running down some lady with a baby or a granny looking to buy a pair of crocs at the kiosk? They have to be the stupidest thing I've ever witnessed at the mall - and that includes all those Indian women trying to lather hand cream on my wrist. Gah!


A guy in front of me at a traffic light reached into his backseat and pulled out a flask (!) and took a swig. Um, DUI here he comes! (But you know, I was secretly thinking how warm and comforting a little swill of Jim Beam might have been as I waited for all the jagoffs in front of me to learn their colors - green means go, ass-munch!)
But I can only assume I'll see Mr. Johnny Walker alongside the road on my way home...

I witnessed an elderly woman get lost in Macy's. As I stood in line, I felt sick to my stomach as I watched her mill around near the women's sportswear, anxiously looking for...someone? She looked as old as God, with a long purple coat made of faux fur (as if there is a purple four footed beast out there in the hills of western PA somewhere), whisps of gray hair peeking out from under her black and gold (Go Steelers?) knitted cap, and a purse as large as a carry-on suitcase over her shoulder. She was wrinkly and sad, and finally took a seat beside the service desk without saying a word. I almost said something to her, but she shut her eyes so I didn't bother. Yes Grandma, we're all exhausted.


For those of you with kids, I apologize in advance.
It's certainly no secret that kids, in general, make me crazy. So when shopping, it's all I can do to avoid the toy section of every/any store in the lower 48. I just cannot tolerate looking at children's do-dads, novelties, and trinkets.
But here's the thing - many stores have surprise toy sections. As in, you'll be walking amongst the pots and pans, just looking for a 12 inch copper-bottom skillet, and wham! All of the sudden you turn the corner and are staring a display of Barbie dolls in the face. Ahhh! What the heck? Kids make me cringe, and never more than some snot-nosed little tot swinging a Barbie around by the hair whilst Mommy digs through her purse looking for that 15% off coupon.

Parents are, for the most part, less than stellar and pretty much let their kids get away with murder these days. They allow them to race through the aisles, open up the juice box or cereal they haven't even paid for, throw cheerios all over the floor, scream like wild banshees, and basically make everyone else - including myself - miserable. My mom would have given me shaken-kid syndrome if I'd have acted like that. Then she would have told me to wait till my father got home. Yikes.
Anyway, there were so many unruly children and so many tales to tell about this excursion that I don't have all day so I'll have to refrain altogether. Suffice it to say the little humans at the mall are my least favorite.
And don't even get me started about the line to meet and greet Santa Claus. That is an area to avoid at all costs.

Okay, so I know it's a cellular world and all that crap, but I did a little experiment when I went into the mall. I told myself I would try to find ten people who weren't either talking on, texting, or at least holding onto their cell phones for dear life and see how long it took me. Folks, I entered the mall at Borders and made it the whole way through the ridiculously busy crowds to the food court (a lengthy jaunt, probably a half mile at least) before I counted ten people NOT attached to their phone. This included the beast of a woman in front of me at the Hallmark store. (I did not, however, count mall employees - who if they could, I'm sure would have been on their cells chatting about how bawdy and uncontrollable the consumers were.) This woman had like, six Hallmark ornaments filling her arms as she still struggled to text someone. The line was like a football field long as it was (I'm exaggerating for effect) and she couldn't be bothered to move up in the line as it crawled forward. This irritated me so much that I almost threw down my cards and left. But I do have some heart left in my chest cavity and didn't want my elderly grandmother not to get her holiday greeting. I digress. Cell phones are everywhere. Which you already knew, as did I. But that's not what bothers me... it's how damn rude everyone is using them.

Traffic is utterly unbearable during the holidays, and today was no different. I am relatively lucky - it is a straight shot down a major highway to Pittsburgh Mills. Granted it is a boring 35 miles (!) but at least you can go 65mph. This is part of the problem though. I'm sure I'm not alone when I say I get a little nervous sometimes at people's driving habits. Not to mention the ghastly cell phone use we are all aware of, but what almost bothers me more is the tendency that some drivers have to ride up close to your bumper then back off. Like, I'm already going 75 mph (whoops!) - do you really NEED to go faster? Today I had a dude in a white Durango following me like a scene from Joy Ride or Jeepers Creepers. He kept showing up in my rear view mirror, taunting me into driving faster then backing off. He nearly had me convinced that he had me mistaken for some mob hit he was assigned to. Apparently upset that I continued to go faster than him and he couldn't get around me lest he drive twenty miles over the speed limit, he kept accelerating so much that I eventually caved and let my Jeep drop to 50 mph just so the bastard would pass me. Later when I turned off to the mall, I passed his car pulling into Smokey Bones (a rib joint). Guess he just couldn't wait to have that BBQ sauce. Prick. If it had been dark I'd have been totally wigged out.

Speaking of food, I had every intention of grabbing some delicious broccoli-cheese soup at Panera Bread when I set out. It never happened. I couldn't even bring myself to stop for a soft pretzel, I was so anxious to get out of there. It took everything I had just to get back to my car. I spoke with my husband and my friend Kristy (who talked me down from the ledge I'd climbed onto, so thanks for that, K) and drove away. Not before sitting in my car an extra three minutes just to piss off the lady in the Beemer behind me waiting impatiently for my parking space. Hey, I had to get a dig in somewhere!

I ended up scarfing down a steak taco at Taco Bell once I got closer to home and had calmed down. Best damn taco ever, I'm telling you.
But if that's not scary, I don't know what is.