First Ten Minutes: AFTERSHOCK (2012)

Time for another round of First Ten Minutes. If you're unfamiliar with FTM,  it's basically just that.  We watch the first ten minutes of a film (because of the beauty of Netflix Instant Watch) and give an opinion on where the movie is headed and if we think it will be a worthwhile watch.  In other words, if nothing happens in the first ten, it will probably never get a legit review here on FWF.  So make something happen, filmmakers.  Impress me or lose me forever.

Okay.  I'm a big fan of disaster films.  Love 'em, can't get enough.  I don't just like films, I like books and television shows about disasters and extreme weather and watch The Weather Channel exhaustively.  So when I heard Eli Roth's name attached to a film called Aftershock, I was psyched.

So it was pure logic for me to test the waters of Aftershock.  Starting out with credits, we quickly learn Eli Roth is the star.  Naturally I already knew this, but there it is - top billing. More credits....ho-hum. Roth produced it.  Roth co-wrote it. Oy.  As more and more credits announce themselves on a black screen, at least we get some sort of noise - a siren?  Finally - Eli Roth appears on screen with drink in hand, in Chile, apparently. He's at a noisy club having a glass of (is that really) wine and taking in the sights. Cue the bad music and awful dancing, along with air kisses and cell phone snapshots, etc.  Your basic nightmare.  I'm already sighing, hoping things will turn around quickly.  After all, it's Eli Roth!  Where is the blood?

Sorta looking like The Hangover Part 4 to me...

Soon there has been too much partying and Eli is sprawled out against a wall, drunk as a skunk. Two seconds later he's passed out, which is where we finally get the title of the film across the screen. We're at the three minute mark....

Then we switch altogether....back in time?  Moving forward? Who knows. But now Eli and his two friends are taking a walk through the vast vineyards of Chile with a tour group. Eli is psyched to learn they grow all kinds of varietals including Merlot but his two bored pals are ready to stab him in the throat.  At five minutes we're deep in the winery where Eli has convinced the employee at the winery to take a pic of him and his friends (who are rolling their eyes in dismay). It's clear Eli is a total geek at this point. Khakis and a button-down, a giant camera, and a glass of Chardonnay. And I'm getting a little bored.  If I want to learn about wine I'll just pull out my copy of Sideways, thanks.

After a road trip in which the three men discuss the etiquette of dating (yawn), they end up at another dance club/party/rave, where more semi-naked women flaunt their stuff and even more horrific dancing ensues. Can we move this plot along, Eli? I don't even know your character's name yet!! And here we are at 7:35!  I guess, in retrospect, Roth's Hostel was an extremely slow and boring start (all except to horny young teenage boys), so I'll hang in there a few minutes more. 

Eye can't find the cooter....

So here we have Eli chilling on a couch with a cup of coffee (WTF?) and flirting with a beautiful Chilean broad who seems to be inebriated enough that he might get lucky...until his cell phone vibrates - and he actually takes the call.  (Gah!)  We find out it's his daughter and he's telling her he'll be home soon. 

We're at 9:30 and we meet three women (because we have to be boy-girl-boy-girl-boy-girl, ugh) who are shouting above the noise but we are given nothing else.  Could we have something that resembles a horror movie, please? I'm relatively patient when it comes to horror, but come on....

We end at the ten minute mark with Eli losing his chance with the hot drunk chick after he sees her being carried off by another dude as he makes his way back to her after his family phone call. 

Apparently there IS blood eventually.

Honestly, I'm bored.  I would probably hang in there for another five minutes or so just to see if something is indeed, going to happen.  I mean, correct me if I'm wrong - but the movie (because I just can't say film here) is called Aftershock, correct?  As in, earthquake?  So come on, Eli.  Throw me a bone. A bloody one if you don't mind.

So I guess I'll have to continue on for a few minutes more, but I swear - at the 15:00 mark, if it's still all geeks and girls, I'm outta here.  Has anyone else seen this movie and enjoyed it? Does it get better?  Do tell....

Oh The Horror! DVD Recap: August 2013

   ~by Marie Robinson

Since there was a pretty hefty load of horror DVDs to hit the shelf last month, and quite a few I wanted to check out, I took it upon myself to watch as many as I could and give you the scoop on ‘em. Here are my brief thoughts on the DVD releases of August…

MAGIC MAGIC

This quiet film takes place in director Sebastian Silva’s homeland of Chile where teenage girl Alicia is visiting her American cousin abroad. What was supposed to be a holiday for the naïve girl turns out to be a living nightmare where she must question if everything is real or horrifying illusion. With splendid performances by all, this film stars Michael Cera, Juno Temple and Emily Browning. This is a psychological thriller that was to me impressive and unique; it really puts you in the unraveling mind of the victim. You might even begin to feel reality slip away… You can view a full review I wrote on Magic Magic here!

ANTIVIRAL

For as long as celebrities have been around, people have been fascinated by them, and easily obsessed. People will do strange things to feel connected with them; Brandon Cronenberg’s film considers this infatuation, and imagines the lengths that fans will go to to feel intimacy with their idols. Even though the fact that this is the debut film of legendary director David Cronenberg’s son is reason alone to see this film, it helps immensely that it is interesting, beautiful, poignant and well acted by lead Caleb Landry Jones.

MY AMITYVILLE HORROR

Everyone has heard of The Amityville Horror—a book/movie that was inspired by the actual slaughter of the DeFeo family in their home in New York. The Amityville Horror is also supposedly based on facts; the family who moved in after the murders (the Lutzs’) claimed to experience sinister supernatural activity. This documentary by Eric Walter goes in depth with Daniel Lutz, who was just a child at the time of the alleged haunting. While extremely fascinating for those interested in the hauntings, it is also a portrait of a disturbed individual who suffered from an abusive stepfather. Even if you don’t believe in demons and ghosts you can still enjoy this quality-made documentary—which is Eric Walter’s debut! Check out Christine’s full review on My Amityville Horror here!

AFTERSHOCK

The second film on this list to have a Chilean director and take place there! Eli Roth lends his pen and his acting talents to Nicolas Lopez’s disaster film, Aftershock. A group of tourists don’t exactly get the good time abroad they are looking for when an earthquake hits and then the whole city goes to mayhem. There’s much for our protagonists to be worried about in this film but none of that really makes us worried about them—they’re all douche bags! This could have been a cool flick if it didn’t think with its dick.

HATCHET III

Bayou butcher Victor Crowley is back for the third installment of the Hatchet slasher films. Also returning is heroine Marybeth (Danielle Harris) and writer Adam Green, who was penned all three films and directed the first two. Directing for the first time is BJ McDonnell who until now has spent all his time right behind the lens. While the film has it’s moments both fun and gore-ific, the storyline and characters seem to be a bit tired out. Sometimes immortality can be a curse…

NO ONE LIVES

From the director of the Midnight Meat Train comes No One Lives, a torture flick with a twist! A murderous group kidnaps a couple on the highway, thinking it will be a fun, easy kill. What they don’t expect is that they’re dealing with a villain of their own—which means they’re fucked. Ryuhei Kitamura seems to know how to make a jolly good slasher flick, with substance to boot! I enjoyed No One Lives; it brings something a little different to the formulaic plot of torture films.

RAPTURE-PALOOZA


This comedy by Paul Middleditch makes a mockery of the Rapture foretold in the Bible, following a young couple and their families as they struggle to survive and adapt to Hell on Earth. With a pretty solid cast (Anna Kendrick, Craig Robinson, John Francis Daley to name a few) you’d think it’d be a fun flick—at least I did. However, almost all of the jokes fall flat—it seems like the writers were trying to hard to fit a
punch line into every line of dialogue instead of coming up with quality material. Save yourself from eternal damnation and leave this one on the shelves.


Well, I hope this was somewhat helpful and informative for you guys! I had fun watching these films, even if I didn’t necessarily enjoy all of them. I like to make it a point to stay current with what is going on in the horror cinema world. I’m guessing you probably do too, since you are reading this…
The ones I didn’t get to were Do Not Disturb, 5 Souls, Jack the Reaper, Zombie Massacre, Evidence, American Ghost Story, Alyce Kills, Among Friends, A Resurrection, and Ritual. Let me know if you have seen any of these, and if you have any thoughts on them or the ones I talked about!

This was fun; we should do this again sometime. See you next month?