Film Review: SKINAMARINK

So I did a little free trial on YouTube for Shudder, and as I was browsing the titles they had available I saw a film titled Skinamarink. I thought the premise sounded really interesting, I wanted to watch it as soon as I read the simple description of, “Two children wake up in the middle of the night to find their father is missing, and all the windows and doors in their home have vanished.”

That’s something that would be terribly frightening and strange, especially for a child, who are the main characters of the film.

The film is from 2022 and is directed by Kyle Edward Ball–his first feature film. It takes place in 1995, within a house that is inhabited by two children and possibly their parents, who seem to go suddenly missing, and they aren’t the only thing to go missing.

Things in the house start vanishing and the physics and logistics of the house and its objects begin to go topsy-turvy. Any details besides this are vague from the beginning of the film and, perhaps, for the remainder…

The rest of my review will encompass the film as a whole, so if you want to go in spoiler-free, stop reading now and go check it out for yourself!

The movie is stylized with a very dark, vignetted exposure and a very heavy VHS filter overlay. The VHS quality mimicry might make sense if this were a found footage film, but it isn’t found footage, so why the grainy filter? This types of filter has become exceedingly popular in media, to the point where it has crossed the line into trendy. It’s meant to invoke nostalgia and create a sense that what you are watching comes from a VHS camera, as is authentic to the time period in which the narrative takes place. You know how you can achieve the most authentic VHS film quality? You could just shoot your movie on film!Of course, just putting a filter on is more accessible to those on a budget and without having to gather the resources to shoot and edit on tape. I, too, prefer a little more grit and a little less of the overly polished, high production filters on a film, but this is a bit much. The filter is WAY too heavy and exaggerated.

Additionally, there are LOTS of still shots, and very few wide shots–most are close-ups. The whole time you are either looking at either the ceiling, the floor, a wall, or a sliver of a hallway or stairway, or just grainy darkness. Characters are not really shown on screen, at least not directly and never a full-body shot. There’s very little dialogue and what does exist is in hushed voices and short sentences. There’s no score; all sound effects are ambient, occurring in the background.

I see what they are going for; it’s definitely an abstract style they’ve opted for, and perhaps they did so with the intention of making their audience work for the story without showing it head-on. For me, I think it would have worked as a short film, but for an entire movie, I need a bit more.

Everything was very minimalist–the shots, the dialogue, the sound effects–and for me it was just too much so and I, personally, found it a bit annoying.

I’m not saying a fim has to be a certain way, that movies have to follow rules and conventions. I appreciate the approach they took and I can see the creativity that came from the mind of the filmmaker. Do I need to see the eyes of the character to know that they are looking at something? No, I can glean that from just seeing their feet; but would I like to see the eyes, torso, arms and head of a character occasionally? Yes, I would. I’m not saying characters need to have drawn out monologues, but I did desire a bit more than one word whispers. To me, it just felt like the movie was composed entirely of b-roll, I needed a little more a-roll to be engaged.

I was drawn in the by uncanny concept of the film, of the doors and windows vanishing but I found that it didn’t really expand much beyond the initial vagueness that intrigued me. I was hoping it would start vague and build into a bigger story, but it was generally the same tone throughout, kind of a steady (if not flat) heart rate, with maybe one or two spikes of tension and excitement, some attributed to a jumpscare triggered by an abrupt loud noise.

Maybe I’m being a bit grumpy and nitpicky and being too harsh on Skinamarink. I’m sure not everyone will feel this way about this film; in fact, I’m sure it could potentially cater to a whole audience and a particular generation because of its film style.

It’s not lost on me that Skinmarink is definitely trying to evoke the look, feel, and tone (both visually and narratively) of popular short films and videos on YouTube such as “The Backrooms” and the “Mandela Catalogue”. If you aren’t familiar with these videos, they fall into a relatively new subgenre called analog horror, which is a found footage offshoot that “is commonly characterized by low-fidelity graphics, cryptic messages, and visual styles reminiscent of late 20th-century television and analog recordings.” (“Analog horror”, Wikipedia).

This has become the chosen and established style of horror for Gen Z, and in the examples I listed previously, it works very well–I’m particularly a big fan of the Backrooms video series. However, both of those examples are relatively short. Not as short form as a bite-sized TikTok, and nowhere near as long as an actual film, more around fifteen minutes or less.

So, simply because this film is done in the analog horror style (minus the found footage), it could prove to be very creepy, effective, and even inspirational for fans of this genre.

Besides stylistically, this film aIso employs themes recurrent in analog horror and another concept that is very popular recently, known as liminal spaces. The imagery associated with liminal spaces is heavily employed in Skinamarink–there are many shots of doorways, hallways, and stairways. And, of course, the premise of the movie involves the doors and windows. In the current wave of liminal spaces and liminal horror, the passage from childhood to adulthood is heavily focused on, and, in particular, being stuck in the space between the stages of life and the preservation of the comfort and nostalgia of youth. The film stars two children and there are many visuals of toys splayed about the ground; legos, teddy bears, old Fisher Price telephones. The tv is constantly playing old cartoons, and their tinny soundtrack can be heard reverberating softly in the background. The title of the movie is a reference to an old preschool sing-a-long song, so there are many visual and audio themes of childhood. The disappearance of the doors and windows in the house, trapping the children inside, could symbolize their inability or unwillingness to pass through into adulthood.

I made a video on my YouTube channel where I go into the origins and explanation of liminal space and examine this current trend. If you are interested, check it out here: https://youtu.be/Xy_DbH7liw8 

Like I said, I am a fan of analog horror and liminal space media and the inspirational sources that I believe this film draws from. However, I think if you are unfamiliar with the source media, Skinamarink might not be your best foray into the subgenre.

I recommend checking out some other ones first and then if you find you really enjoy it, then check out this movie and see how it falls in with the others.

I do look forward to seeing what director Kyle Edward Ball has next, as I can tell he has a lot of creativity and a clear vision for his projects. So, whether his next project is a feature or short film, I’ll be keeping an eye out to see what he has in store in the future.

~~Marie

Hellraiser 2022 - Review

Over the last 35 years, Hellraiser has become a household name and a behemoth in the horror genre. Even if someone doesn't recognize the title of the film, all you have to say is, “the guy with all the nails in his head”, and they immediately know what you are talking about. 

It began as a novella by Clive Barker, an absolutely legendary horror author whose work combines the grotesque and the horrific with beautiful sensuality, woven seamlessly together. The novella was called The Hellbound Heart, and it was published in 1986. A year later Clive Barker, himself, directed the film adaptation of the story into the iconic picture we have all come to know as Hellraiser. It became a classic in no time, with the instantly recognizable villain of the film, Pinhead (aptly named for the nails that jut in all directions from his pasty white skull), donning the cover of 9 additional sequels (although Clive Barker only directed the original film) and now, a remake. 

The film begins establishing some loose exposition to introduce the Lament Configuration, which is the name for the puzzle box featured in all the Hellraiser movies–sort of a main character, in itself. 

This puzzle box (think of it as a demonic rubix cube) is sought out by those who have attained every natural high–be it by drugs, sex, or money–and are seeking a new dimension of pleasure.

 In the 2022 Hellraiser, the puzzle box is acquired by Roland Voight: some ultra-wealthy, mansion-owning, orgy-hosting… guy. We really don't get to know anything about him in the short pre-title exposition, other than he's super wealthy, he owns a mansion, hosts orgies, and he has acquired the puzzle box through some mysterious connection. And he has no problem giving the Lament Configuration exactly what it wants–blood sacrifice. 

With that, we now switch to what will become the main characters for the rest of the film: recovering addict twenty-something Riley, her protective brother and roommate Matt and his boyfriend Colin, and Riley's sketchy “boyfriend” (this is a loose term), Trevor, who her brother strongly disapproves of. Mostly because Trevor is an active addict and obvious low-life. 

When Riley complains of being “sick of being broke”, Trevor casually suggests they rob a warehouse, to which Riley has zero questions or concerns, so off they go. After breaking into a teeny tiny safe that is the sole item in a walk-in shipping container, they find, within, a wooden box. And you know what’s in the box, right? Another box! The puzzle box… 

Now to the review. Comparisons between the new and original film may be made. How can they not be? It is a remake, after all, of a classic and near-perfect film. I won’t say I’m wholly against remakes, but in cases such as these I can’t help but wonder “why”? Is it just a cash grab to profit off a popular film? Is it a way to gain a new generational audience by “updating” the film to a current day setting with current vernacular, music, fashion, etc? And if the latter is the case, then why? Why do films need to be updated? Do we think that the cycles of generations won’t have an interest or appreciation in older films? And on top of that, by making it so obviously “modern”, you are just going to age the film down the line. By commercially stylizing it, you are just putting a timestamp on precisely when the film was made; and with no deeper creative choices driving that, most likely in a decade from now the film will just look tacky.

 The runtime is just over two hours. I’m more partial to a cool 90 minute feature, especially since this film felt extremely drawn out. I actually watched the first hour of the movie sometime in November and didn’t finish it until nearly 3 months later. 

One of my complaints was that it took WAY too long to get a decent look at the cenobites (the demons that dole out the punishments and “rewards” of those who solve the puzzle box). Personally, I’m of the feeling that if I am watching a film with monsters, I don’t want to play the game of hide and seek, building up with a glimpse here and there. I want to see the fucking monsters.

 I was most excited to see the designs they chose for the cenobites, but most scenes of them are overly dark and it’s nearly impossible to make them out. Apparently the film chose to use mostly practical effects over CGI, which is my personal preference when, well, practical–but I felt it wasn’t really properly showcased due to low lighting and heavy use of filters. The only one we do get a decent eyeful of is the main cenobite, leader of the pack, she who would be Pinhead. 

Pinhead (who is still clearly donning pins in the head) is now credited as “the Priest”. Up until this point Pinhead has been played by a man (Doug Bradley in the first 7 films). In 2022 Hellraiser, “the Priest” is now played by Jamie Clayton and appears more feminized, but still androgynous. I was a little underwhelmed by the portrayal of the priest, I found the character to be a bit dull and lifeless, and I would have liked to appreciate the full costume she is donning which required roughly 4 hours of make-up. I don’t place blame on actress Jamie Clayton, though. She doesn’t run the set lighting and she didn’t write the script, and after watching and reading several interviews with her she expressed being genuinely excited and honored to have been given this role and even has the blessing of original Pinhead, Doug Bradley, himself. 

I know that the nature of media in this day and age—in this case, movies—is to remake, reboot, and reimagine; but in my opinion it’d be a lot more interesting to use the time, energy, and resources to craft an entirely new film, and instead allow people to seek out or revisit the original film.

~~Marie 

Dark Arts: Laurie Lipton

Last Night I Dreamt I Murdered Mommy

~by Marie Robinson

 I’ve been a fan of Laurie Lipton’s artwork for a while now. It all started with her piece entitled, “Last Night I Dreamt I Murdered Mommy”, which instantly struck me (I think you can see why) and stuck with me ever since. In times when I have forgotten her name but sought out her art, I would search for the title of this work.

Stranger in the Woods

However, up until now, I really didn’t know much about her, beyond her drawings which are often very dark and, to some, disturbing. I was revisiting her artwork the other day and I found that a short documentary had been done about her by a filmmaker named James Scott. The film is called Love Bite (which is also the name of one of Lipton’s drawings), and it’s about thirty minutes long and available for free on Vimeo. Watching it, I fell even deeper in love with not only Laurie Lipton’s artwork, but also her, as an artist.

Lipton works in one medium, and one medium only: black and white pencil drawings. She says that black and white, “is the color of ghosts [...], old television shows, memories, old family photographs, past, [...] longing, [and] thought.”

Haunting

There are many statements in her art about family, technology, and industrial society. Death is widely featured, often as a physical presence.

 You may find many of her portrayals of children and their parents to be frightening, or maybe even upsetting; but these are not cheap visuals intended only to shock. These images are a reflection of very real trauma personally suffered by the artist. “There’s a very hurt child in all my work,” Lipton says in the documentary.

Seamstress

However, she goes on that although she is sorry that her younger self and her mother had to suffer as a result of a traumatic experience, she is now grateful for it, because it has defined her as an artist. “You never know what kind of gift comes out of suffering.”

I’ve included below the link to watch the film Love Bite, and to Laurie Lipton’s website.

Watch Love Bite: https://vimeo.com/356729842

Laurie Lipton’s website:  https://www.laurielipton.com/

Legends of The Gates of Hell

We all know Hell to be a place where the sinful and the wicked go after they die–if you believe in that kind of thing. But what if Hell was accessible not only by death? What if there was a physical entrance in our world? 

We will examine places around the world that bear the diabolical moniker “the gates of hell”.  

“‘THROUGH ME, you pass into the city of suffering: 

THROUGH ME, you pass into eternal pain: 

THROUGH ME, the way among the people lost. 

Before me there were no created things, 

Only eternity, and I too, last eternal. 

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!’ 

This passage is the words inscribed on the Gates of Hell in “Dante’s Inferno”. I’m sure you have heard the final line before; it’s become quite famous. 

Hell–or some version of it–exists in nearly every culture. We have been taught to fear Hell our entire lives. It is used as a way to frighten people into morality. To pass through the Gates of Hell would mean entering into eternal suffering, pain, and punishment, at the hands of the most horrid creatures by the most horrific means possible.  

First, let’s explore the various legends and locales dotting the backroads and byways of the United States… 

URBAN LEGENDS 

Urban legends regarding the Gates of Hell exist in at least a dozen states across America. Sometimes, it’s a nickname given to a local cemetery, such as the case in Kentucky and South Carolina. A mysterious green orb is reportedly seen in Kasey Cemetery in Elizabethtown, Kentucky, and in Oakwood Cemetery in Spartanburg, South Carolina, cell phones allegedly go dead and feelings of illness and dread are felt. Particularly in the back of the graveyard, where the unmarked graves of prisoners, impoverished, and orphaned children are laid to rest. There are also rumors of satanic rituals and grave desecration. This town of Spartanburg seems to be prolific with haunted locations… 

California boasts not one, but FOUR Gates of Hell locations. In Redside, California, a pair of black gates stood roadside off of Sunset Drive, and it was said that those who dared pass through them would be chased by a ghost carrying a headless cat.  

Through the city of Antioch, California trails an infamous street called Empire Mine Road, which is home to three local legends: Gravity Hill, the Slaughterhouse, and, of course, the Gates of Hell. The “gates” were actually a graffiti-covered stucco wall. There’s a variety of legends relating to this particular spot. Many claim that there was once an insane asylum; pass through the gates and you will find the ruins of the building, and the ghosts of the tortured souls of who were once patients. Deeper into the woods is a second gate, and those said to have passed through will meet their death a year following, under mysterious circumstances… Unfortunately, both of these locations were torn down and no longer exist, but their legends live on… 

There are a variety of other fun little legends smattered across the U.S, but there are a few more I’d like to examine in particular, and they all are linked with a certain number… 

For some reason, the number 7 comes up again and again when it comes to Gates of Hell stories. Two particularly famous locations come up when seeking out these legends, and they are both dubbed “The Seven Gates of Hell”. 

The first one is in Collinsville, Missouri. The “gates” are actually a series of old train bridges, which are laid along a dark and winding road through farmland. Each graffiti-covered bridge has their own unique superstitions, from lynchings to satanic animal sacrifices, to ghost cars. This dark road will take you through sparsely inhabited countryside, requires the passing-by of a small cemetery, and any wrong turns can take you down rural roads into the woods. The legend has it that if you pass through all seven gates correctly at precisely midnight, at the end you will be greeted by the hounds of hell and the farmland before will transform into the Lake of Fire! Most likely, though, you’ll just be in the middle of nowhere, Illinois. You decide which is scarier. 

The second location is in York County, Pennsylvania–more specifically in Hellam Township. And while it does seem suspicious that the entrance to Hell is located in a town with the word “hell” in its name, the name of the town is actually a deviation of the word Halla, after an area in England. 

York County’s legend takes place on Trout Run Road, which is sometimes colloquially known as Toad Road, a rural drive through wooded farmlands. There are two different stories associated with the area. One persists that there was an insane asylum in the woods, which caught fire and released all the surviving patients to the surrounding area. In this story, the gates are said to have been set up to deter the escapees. 

In the second version of the legend, an eccentric doctor constructed seven gates along a path, each one leading deeper and deeper into the woods. At the end lay something mysterious, and possibly deadly, for it is said that no one who passes through the fifth gate returns. 

As it stands, the one gate that exists today was built by a local doctor, but there was nothing reportedly unusual about the man, and he only built one gate. 

There was never a mental institution in the area, and the structure that people believe to be that of a ruined asylum are mostly likely an old flint mill. 

Still, the legends live on, and the road has not only become a frequent spot for late night drives, but also the inspiration for a 2012 independent horror film, Toad Road. 

There’s a lot more to explore when it comes to legends and references regarding the Gates of Hell, so I’ll be discussing more in a Part Two… 

Next time we will be going into films and some other alleged entrances to the underworld. 

**If you’d like to read more on the topics we discussed today, feel free to check out my full source list here. 

~~by Marie Robinson

DARK ARTS: CAPAT’S OTHERWORLDLY WOMEN AND THEIR COMPANIONS

 

Art is a way for us to express and explore the darkness that lives within myth and minds. I'd like to feature some of those strange internal landscapes and their inhabitants as depicted by artist Theodora Daniela Capat.

Originally from Romania, Capat weaves magic worlds out of a variety of mediums--ink, watercolor, charcoal, pencil, oil, and digital--and operates out of an island castle in Sweden called Vaxholm Fortress that can only be accessed by ferry. It sounds incredibly magical and inspiring, and it shows through her immersive imagery.

Capat is a very ambitious artist who values the fundamentals of art and is passionate about teaching them to students who she will tutor hands-on and side-by-side in the castle in which she resides. Some of her favorite themes and studies include culture, anatomy and animals (real and mythical), and mortality.

"Memento Mori" oil painting

"Apparition at a full moon" The creature depicted in this watercolor is an 'iele', a type of Romanian forest spirit that are only visible in moonlight.

"Sun Bringer Kisosen" This charcoal piece is an interpretation of a Native American solar deity who takes the form of an eagle, according to the Abenaki people.

This pencil drawing is called "Serenity". Capat shared that this piece was inspired by intense dreams of floating she was having at the time.

"Pestilence" charcoal

Capat's Website - visit to view the gallery, shop, and find information on the artist Vaxholm Castle

YouTube Channel - you may watch Capat create her artworks via her uploaded livestreams

ArtStation - digital artworks and video game/character concepts

Instagram - the artist is quite actively sharing posts and live streams of her creative process (@capatart)

DARK ARTS: The Victorian Paintings Of Amalia Kouvalis

Elysium

~by Marie Robinson

There’s something so beautiful and eerie about Victorian photography. The somber faces, the dark, but elegant dress; you could swear that each mysterious portrait subject had a dark and terrible secret hiding behind their blank stare. And then there’s the undeniable morbid—yet fascination—post-mortem photographs, that is, pictures of people after they have died.

American artist Amalia Kouvalis captures the world we want to see when we look at old Victorian portraits. In the flash of an imaginary camera she captures ghosts, demons, departing souls, and other things that we can only catch a glimpse of out of the corner of our eye.

It is no surprise, then, looking at her world, that she is inspired by “Victorian aesthetics” and silent films, as well as dreams and memories. As a movie-lover and a theatre worker, I have a special appreciate for the fact that she spent her childhood in her father’s movie theatre, and that she now strives to embody the atmosphere of it in her paintings.

Her oil paintings and etchings are like a nightmare you want to revisit over and over again, only if to try and understand it more, or a scene from an old black and white movie that you see before the whole theatre goes black and you realize you aren’t alone.

To view more of her artwork and perhaps make a purchase, please visit her website, here .

Here, There

In Limbo

Untitled

3 CHRISTMAS BEASTS THAT AREN'T KRAMPUS‏!!

~by Marie Robinson

I can almost guarantee that all of you are familiar with Krampus by now. This evil, half-goat version of Santa Claus has become extremely popular over the last few years, and with the release of Michael Dougherty’s film, Krampus, there isn’t a doubt that most of the North American population will be on a first-name basis with the Bavarian demon of legend. 

What you may not know is Krampus isn’t the only creature looking to wreak some wintry havoc, there are a few others I’ve found with similar ideals. Don’t get me wrong, I love Krampus, but he is getting all the limelight right now. Let’s take a look at some other demons of Christmas. 

Namahage 

It isn’t surprising to see Japan at the top of the list, as their folktales are equal if not more terrifying than the Germans’. Namahage are demonic ogres that dwell high up in the mountains—how they have come to live there varies by region. All year long they watch each household in the village and monitor the children’s’ behavior, keeping notes in a little book. 

These demons descend from their mountain homes not at Christmas, but on New Year’s Eve, where they stomp through the town in pairs toting knives and wooden pail. The Namahage have bright red or green skin and horrible twisted faces with protruding teeth and they wear traditional straw capes. They visit each house (except for those that have experienced death or illness in the past year) and pound on the door and tear through the house shouting as they “interview” the head of the household. The family must have food and saki prepared to serve to the monsters. The man of the house is questioned about the behavior of the children, and if they have been naughty, the Namahage tell them that they must take them away and begin to chase them around the house. The father then pleads with the monsters to let the children stay, and the little ones (who have probably all wet their pants by now) must promise to do better next year. 

This tradition is till acted out throughout Japan, but most famously in the town of Oga. They have a festival each year where men dress up as Namahage and beat drums and, naturally, terrorize children. 

Perchta 

This particular character in folklore goes by many names, and her stories vary vastly through regions and time. Rather than try and go into all of it and end up talking about things I don’t really know about, I’m going to stick to one version of the tale, which would, naturally, be the one that relates to Christmas. 

In Bavaria and Austria, Perchta is a woodland deity who comes out of her forest seclusion to enter the villages on the Twelve Nights of Christmas, and visit the houses to check on the children’s behavior. She can either appear as a beautiful woman robed in white, or an ugly old woman. Since this goddess was also believed to have overseen the spinning of flax, she was especially interested in the young girls of the house, checking to make sure they have spun their fair amount of wool and flax that year. If they had, they would receive a silver coin and be left in peace, if not—well, they were getting a lot more than spanking. Perchta would cut open the bad children’s bellies and rip out all of their intestines, replacing them with straw and rocks. 

There was, at one point in time, a cult who honored Perchta, and would leave offerings of food and drink out in hopes of wealth and prosperity. In the midwinter festivals in Austria, people dress in horrifying animalistic masks with horns and fangs, and are called the “Perchten”, and are meant to enter homes and drive out the evil spirits. 

Grýla
Grýla comes to us from Icelandic folklore, another one of my favorite cultures for being truly bizarre and terrifying. She is a Giantess who lives in the mountains with a strange cast of characters. She looks like any old hag with a scarf over her head, except she has hooves for feet and an ox’s tail.
Although she can sense bad children all-year-round, she only comes out around Christmas, when she descends to the villages to find naughty children to eat. Her favorite thing to do is make a nice big stew out of children, but she’ll gladly gobble them up raw.
Her sons are the Yule Lads, who are pretty much like two Santa’s who go around either distributing presents or rotted potatoes. Her pet is the Yule Cat, a monstrous black cat that stalks the snow-covered countryside and eating anyone who hasn’t gotten new clothes to wear on Christmas. And believe it or not, Grýla even has a husband! Although, it is her third husband.

If you have enjoyed learning about these creatures, fear not, there are even more evil Christmas monsters to haunt your holidays! Rather than stealing all of my ideas from another blog, I’d like to give it credit, for it seems to be a sort of encyclopedia for this very topic. For more beasts like these, visit the wonderful, but now unfortunately defunct, A Scary Little Christmas (https://scarylittlechristmas.wordpress.com/)! 

Happy holidays, and patiently await that blessed holiday when your naughty children fall prey to all kinds of merciful demons.

Octoberfest Five: Marie's 5 "Comfort Horror" Favorites

~by Marie Robinson

One of my problems with horror is that it has a shelf-life. Meaning the more you watch a horror film, the less scary it gets and to me, loses its potency. I’ve watched The Shining so many times that I now hate it, so I try to avoid watching movies frequently so that this doesn’t happen.

Nostalgia is like a drug to me. I love the feeling I get when I am taken back to specific memories and times in my life. Movies can be great for this, so there are a few that I turn to when I want that warm and fuzzy feeling.

I may not bring out my “comfort horror” movies too often, but these are the ones I keep on hand for when I need them.

TALES FROM THE CRYPT

My first memory of watching Tales from the Crypt was in a funeral home, of all places. When my cousin and I were young we had to attend the funeral of some old relative we didn’t know. Rather than having us mingling with the mourners, they stuck us downstairs in what had to be a lounge or a break room or something, that had a big TV in it; and what, of all things, did my mother, or whoever (I can’t remember), put on the television? Well, you know
Not only is it not necessarily appropriate for children, but also we were also scared shitless sitting in the basement of a fucking mortuary! Of course, I fell in love that day, and made a friend for life in the ole Cryptkeeper.
I have every season of Tales and I watch it pretty frequently, preferably on dark, stormy nights, but also anytime I just want to relax. The Cryptkeeper’s shrill, dry cackle is my lullaby.

JEEPERS CREEPERS

I feel like this one comes up a lot on our lists, but it’s just so damn good! Sorry, not sorry. I did have it last year on my “guilty pleasures” list, but I’ve gained a lot of confidence in that past year, and I’m not ashamed anymore! I want to shout it to the world! I LOVE JEEPERS CREEPERS!

PET SEMATARY

I find myself coming back to this one pretty often; it’s just a great film to me! There are characters I love, and characters I HATE (but that’s a different list), and probably the scariest character of all time, Zelda!! Aaahhh!!!

SALEM'S LOT

Yes, another Stephen King, but he’s just so darn good! If it isn’t obvious to you I’m talking about the 1979 version. I put this movie on in the background sometimes when I need something suitably spooky. I love the imagery in this film; they just don’t make ‘em like that anymore.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET

 (ANY Nightmare on Elm Street film)
I’m being pretty general here, but Nightmare is my favorite horror franchise. The “quality” films in the series, in my opinion, are 1, 3, and 7 (New Nightmare), and the rest are cheesy 80’s schlock, but I love ‘em, and you don’t need any brainpower to watch them. They’re great for zoning out, and I genuinely enjoy them—okay, maybe not Freddy’s Revenge…

Octoberfest Five: 5 Favorite Villains Of American Horror Story

by Marie Robinson

With the fifth season of American Horror Story under way, I’d like to revisit my five favorite villains from the previous seasons. What’s funny about AHS is that no character is truly good. Almost everyone in the show is a terrible person, but we love them because they are so deliciously evil. I started this out as a list of my favorite AHS characters, but I realized that all my “favorites” were the baddies… What can I say?

Oh yeah, and I would advise NOT reading this article if you aren’t familiar with the series, as there are SPOILERS!!!!

 

Dr. Oliver Thredson (Asylum)

Played by the amazing Zachary Quinto, Dr. Oliver Thredson is cool, collected, and dangerous. This renowned psychiatrist is brought in to Briarcliff to see if Kit Walker (Evan Peters), who is pinned as serial killer “Bloodyface”, is fit to see trial, or if he should be declared insane and forced to live out his days at the asylum.

The kind, understanding, and professional Dr. Thredson that Lana Winters (Sara Paulson) comes to know is all a carefully maintained façade, and poor Lana is forced to discover that he is the true Bloodyface. Thredson is a well-established murderer who has the most horrifying trait a serial killer can have: sanity. That means that there is no excuse for the depravity of this man. He’s a fucking psychiatrist, for god’s sake; he knows the ins and outs of people’s minds, and he sure as hell knows right from wrong. He is a cold-blooded killer with a passion for flesh.

I don’t know about you, but I did not see this one coming in the series. It wasn’t until Lana was in his house that I was like, “Oh, shit”. Part of this is great writing, but most of it is Quinto’s incredible performance. He is such a precise actor, and breathes life into his characters, even if they are people we don’t necessarily want alive. Not only was Quinto’s performance compelling, but Thredson’s character was complex, and is another character that can be filed away with fictional killers inspired by good ole Ed Gein. There’s a mix of other serial killers in there, as well, Ted Bundy being one that stuck out to me, but Bloodyface, and the man behind the moniker, will always stand out to me in a league of his own.

Marie Laveau (Coven)

Taking the name of a real historical figure, Marie Laveau (played by the badass and beautiful Angela Bassett) is the voodoo queen of New Orleans. While she is known to help people, it is either for her benefit, or for the price of loyalty. Beware to anyone who stands in her way or crosses her, for she has the power of black magic on her side.

Marie has many enemies, and most of her “friends” are dead or demonic. She has been alive for centuries, but at a terrible cost. She sold her soul to a Haitian God named Papa Legba, who keeps her in the realm of the living in return for soul of an innocent—usually an infant; she’s even offered up her own.

She and the tortuous Madam Delphine LaLaurie (Kathy Bates) have been at war ever since the latter killed Marie’s lover, Bastien. Ever since they have been exacting sinister revenge on one another, and not even death and dismemberment can end their historical feud.

I love a woman in power, and Marie Laveau is a queen, feared and respected. She is powerful, independent, lethal, and at times, even kind. I may not hold a grudge like Marie, but there are a few reasons to look up to her. And can we get Angela Bassett’s secret voodoo recipe to aging gracefully?

Constance Langdon (Murder House)

Tate gets enough love from troubled teens everywhere (just kidding I love him too), but in the question of nature vs. nurture; it’s a lose-lose with a mother like Constance (Jessica Lange). She is cold, unloving, and narcissistic enough to keep producing one fucked up child after the next. 

Her first was a poor deformed and mentally disabled creature named Beauregard (Sam Kinsey), who, despite being kind and friendly, was smothered to death because of his “repulsive” appearance. The second was Addie (Jamie Brewer), who graciously warns all away from the Murder House, but naturally to no avail. Constance is verbally abuse and manipulative to Addie, calling her a “pretty girl” when she’s good, and locking her in a room full of mirrors when she is bad. And then, of course, there’s Tate (Evan Peters); the murderous psychopath who stalked through the halls of his high school with a shotgun before committing suicide by force when confronted by a SWAT team.

Even though she probably fucked up all her kids with her perverse idea of parenting, she just can’t let ‘em go. That’s why she holds the “murder house” property across the street so dear. Well, it was once hers, but mainly why she covets it is because her children’s souls are trapped there, and so she may visit their ghosts whenever she gets that maternal itch.

Her final sin was seeking out and taking the only living twin born from her son’s rape of Vivien Harman (Connie Britton), which happens to be the freakin’ Antichrist. Of course.

Constance is that bitch you love to hate. She’s a snarky motherfucker who tells it like it is, and says what’s on everyone’s mind. She’s also a fucking train wreck that we just love to watch burn. The talents of Jessica Lange will sorely be missed in Season 5.

Sister Mary Eunice (Asylum)

Poor Sister Mary Eunice (Lily Rabe) started out as the sweetest, most innocent nun in all of Briarcliff. Until that time she got possessed by the devil. Now she is one bad mamma-jamma.

All joking aside, I think Lily Rabe’s transformation from one character to the next was seamless and totally convincing. Her character as the devil-inhabited nun quickly became one of my favorites. Especially because, even though it wasn’t her choice, she sort of got even with those who had abused and taken advantage of her as an innocent, like Sister Jude and Dr. Arden. It was hard to remember that there was a sweet little nun underneath that cool and confident demeanor; after all, Satan is the Master Deceiver, right? And, if we’re being honest with ourselves, the devil is pretty cool.

Dandy Mott (Freak Show)

Freak Show has probably been my (and everyone else’s) least favorite season of AHS, but I do just LOVE the character of Dandy Mott (Finn Wittrock). 

Wealthy and spoiled rotten, Dandy was raised by an overprotective but detached mother (Frances Conroy) who covers up her son’s homicidal habits. Dandy is possessive, manipulative, arrogant, and worst of all, charming. 

Dandy’s character fascinates me because I do think you can find a lot of complexity in him, but the main reason he’s on this list is I found him incredibly entertaining. I think he was the most exciting character in the season and Wittrock’s energy-driven performance was just a blast to watch. I’ll be looking forward to seeing him in other seasons.