Celebrating My 50th With 50 Favorites - Part 5 - THE TOP TEN

 Finally, my top ten have arrived.  Are any of these in your list of favorites too??

10. Frankenstein (1931)

My favorite Universal monster film.  There, I've said it. There's not much I can say about a film so revered that hasn't already been said.  But the reason I love it so much is that I can identify with the monster. Everyone probably can in their own way.  Pushed to be something that he wasn't, so much expected of him, yet misguided and anxious only for people to accept him the way he was, despite knowing he was an abomination.  Boris Karloff as the monster said so much just with his eyes and mannerisms, he didn't even need to speak to convey that message. The fact that Mary Shelley wrote the book when she was a mere 19 years old just blows my mind - so far ahead of her time! It's a beautiful film, too...the gorgeous sets, including Dr Frankenstein's laboratory, are a sight to behold particularly for such an early time in film.  And Colin Clive as the unhinged but brilliant scientist who steals bodies from their graves with his hunchback assistant Fritz (Dwight Frye) brings to mind many an evil man who desires more than he should, and really should just leave well enough alone.  But the fact that he proceeds with his experiments despite the immoral and corrupt ramifications just goes to show that greed and the desire for fame and/or fortune always brings out the worst in mankind, often times with irreparable results - and it's still happening today, nearly 90 years later.

9. The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue (aka Let Sleeping Corpses Lie, 1974)

It's only in the last several years that I have come to really love this film.  It's my favorite "zombie" film. George (Ray Lovelock) is off for the weekend on his Norton motorcycle when he stops to gas up and Edna (Cristina Galbó) rams his bike with her car, unintentionally but puts it out of commission nonetheless.  To make up for it, she tells him they can ride together and he can use her car while his bike is being fixed.  Traveling through the English countryside they stop to seek out directions and George sees some men using some kind of equipment that uses ultrasonic radiation to kill insects on crops.  Obviously that sounds like an awful idea and of course it is, as soon the dead are rising and George and Edna are smack in the middle of it.  The dialogue is campy, the blood is too red and film is somewhat dated but quite honestly it does raise the question as to what we are doing to the world with all our chemicals and treatments and what might happen if things go awry.  George and Edna are likeable leads and the gore factor is ratcheted up as the film goes on and the zombies get hungrier.  Just a damn fun film!!

8. Ghost Story (1981)

'Four old men and a secret' should be the alternate name for this chiller.  From Peter Straub's amazing novel comes the story of John, Ricky, Sears and Edward....a quartet of college pals that meet an enigmatic beauty and spend a summer charming her. Until something awful happens. The repercussions of the tragedy that unfolds are so malevolent, so vengeful that words can't quite do it.  The novel is very much my favorite book, and the movie, while not completely faithful, still packs a frightening punch with loads of disturbing imagery! And that house!!! So much love! Starring some of Hollywood's finest older leading men - Fred Astaire, Melvyn Douglas, John Houseman and Douglas Fairbanks Jr.  Alice Krige as Eva/Alma still haunts my dreams.

7. The Changeling (1980)

Years have not aged this fantastic ghost story starring George C. Scott as John Russell, a man grappling with the tragic death of his wife and daughter in a horrific accident. A famous composer, John moves across the country in order to take a teaching job and try to resume some semblance of a life  He rents an old mansion from the local historical society, makes friends with Claire (played by Scott's wife, Trish Van Devere) and gets to work on finishing a composition he's been working on. Soon though, hes awakened by loud banging noises during the night, which escalate to the point that a seance is held in which they discover a young boy was killed in the house.  Everything about The Changeling is stellar - the acting, the musical score, the house itself...it's just that good!  Scott's portrayal of a desperate man's agonizing mourning for his family is heart-breaking.  And though this one has every haunted house gimmick known to man, they make it work  - it's never cheesy and always legitimately frightening.  Loud, inexplicable noises, pianos playing by themselves, disembodied voices, a creepy attic with a child-size wheelchair - all these things combine to bring fear into your very soul.  This one just got a fantastic BluRay release so if you haven't seen it yet, now's the time.  Truly one of the best of its kind.

6. The Thing (1982)

You know how I feel about remakes, I've made it abundantly clear several times.  But when they are done right and it's time for one, I'm on board.  A remake of 1951's The Thing From Another World, John Carpenter's The Thing is in my opinion perhaps the best of his work.  With top-notch practical special effects by genius Rob Bottin and a stellar cast, it's a harrowing showcase of fear.  Frequent Carpenter collaborator Kurt Russell as MacReady is just the icing on the cake, with his snide remarks yet excellent leadership skills when everything starts falling apart.  As researchers literally at the end of the earth, the Antarctic team finds themselves fighting the unknown...an organism that literally has the capability to attack unsuspecting victims and morph into an exact replica of them, so the question remains....who is the thing?  Everything about this film is terrifying - the isolation...the fear of the unknown...the thought that someone might not be who they say they are...it's an action-packed, straight-up thrill ride, one I've taken over and over again!

5. Alien (1979)

I mentioned previously that sci-fi isn't my favorite--(even though The X-Files is my favorite TV show- I prefer the stand alone horror episodes.) That said, I LOVE ALIEN.  To me, it's just the finest sci-fi horror film in existence. Sure, there are some who say Aliens is the better movie, but they'd be wrong. Ridley Scott's effective and brutal Alien, starring Sigourney Weaver as fierce heroine Ripley, is full of suspense and laden with terror. The Xenomorph creature is an astounding work of art conceived by H.R. Giger and the story by Dan O'Bannon is what nightmares are made of. Immediately claustrophobic due to the whole of the film taking place in space, mostly on the commercial towing ship Nostromo, the sense of helplessness permeates the whole two hour running time. There's nowhere to run when you're stuck in space.  Ripley is an excellent character, a welcome female presence in a mostly masculine crew. She's got guts and runs on pure adrenaline by the film's end. She's a role model and a formidable adversary for the relentless alien. For pure shock factor, Alien is bar none, particularly in that famous chest-burster scene. 

The last thirty minutes are a edge of your seat uncomfortable fright-fest in which you'll believe every word of the tagline: In space, no one can hear you scream. 

4. Friday the 13th (1980)

Oh Friday the 13th, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.  Warning: SPOILERS! 

I love your campiness (pun intended). I love your heroine, Alice and her mad drawing skills. I love Crazy Ralph and the fact that you all actually ARE, in fact, doomed. I love that you play strip monopoly. I love that Bing Crosby's son is a hottie and can play a mean guitar. I love that sexy Brenda wears a granny gown. I love that Jack and Marcie have sex with Dead Ned above them. I love that poor Annie doesn't like to call children kids because it sounds like little goats. I love that when Mrs Voorhees finally gets a chance to kill Alice she slaps her up and pushes her face in the dirt instead. I love that Steve's Jeep won't pull that tiny trailer and that he only leaves Sally a 75 cent tip at the diner, even though she flirts with him like crazy. I love that Marcie has dreams about little bloody rivers and can fix a faulty faucet. I love that Jack puts it all out there in his Speedo at the docks. I love that Alice and Bill don't run for their lives after they find the bloody ax in the bed. I love that Mrs Voorhees hands still clench their fingers after she loses her head. 

What I don't love? The fact that they killed that snake. 😐

3. The Woman in Black (1989)

I've been championing this film for 25 years or longer.  I can't remember the first time I saw it but as soon as I did, I knew I had to own it. I had it on VHS first, and when DVD's began taking the world by storm, I purchased a bootleg copy from overseas and I'm not afraid to admit it. The novella by Susan Hill that it is adapted from is the best ghost story I may have ever read, and the only one that gave me legit chills when I read it. The story adapted for film changes a few minor details but involves Arthur Kidd (Adrian Rawlins), a lawyer who is assigned the task of closing the estate of one Mrs. Drablow, an eccentric old woman who lives on an isolated piece of land across a causeway that floods during high tide. Kidd attends the funeral of his client and notices a woman in black at the back of the church and later in the cemetery. Townsfolk seem terrified when he mentions it, and later he comes to know why after spending the night at the spooky Drablow house. By investigating the decedent's personal belongings, he learns of a horrific accident involving the mysterious woman in black and her relationship with the old woman. Vengeance is a great motivator, apparently even after death. This film is hard to come by, out of print for many years. It is available on YouTube, and though not a stellar copy it's still worth seeking out! 

2. Psycho (1960)

As previously mentioned, Psycho is very special to me, right up there with Jaws as far as movies I've seen the most. I can quote every line, I know every scene. I love Norman Bates, in all his quirky, psychotic glory.  John Gavin...be still my heart! And the sheer brilliance of killing off your marquee name in the first act of the film, well....that's brave....hats off to Hitchcock. Robert Bloch may have created the character of Norman, but Hitchcock perfected it and Anthony Perkins embodied it. Even people not familiar with the horror genre as a whole know Psycho. The shower scene....the fruit cellar...Mother and Norman's "close" relationship, there's so much to appreciate. It's one of my desert island films, because I'll never tire of it. And if you're sitting there thinking I'm nuts then we just can't be friends. 

1) Jaws (1975)

My favorite. The I-Ching of films for me. The be-all-end-all.  I don't think I've seen any movie as many times as Jaws.  I own multiple copies over many formats and yet if it is on television with commercials every five minutes I'm still unable to turn it off. As with Psycho, the book is good, the movie is superior.  All the characters, Brody (Roy Scheider ), Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) and Quint (Robert Shaw) are strong and engaging in their own ways. John Williams' score is just legendary, the most recognizable two notes in music. Spielberg's direction jump-started a visionary, critically acclaimed career and with good reason! We're not just talking summer blockbuster here, we are talking about a film beloved by fans and critics alike. The simple plot of man vs. shark made millions of people afraid to go in the ocean. An impressive feat to be sure. Let's just say, if I could marry a film, this would be the one. My only one!

Octoberfest Five: Christine's 5 Comfort Horror Favorites

Here we are folks, the end of the Octoberfest Five and the most wonderful day of the year!  Happy Halloween, first and foremost!

When it comes down to choosing a movie to watch on Halloween, I admittedly make too much of the situation.  Do I want to go with an old classic; something I'm quite familiar with?  Or chance something entirely new which may end up tarnishing my holiday and leave me with a bad taste in my mouth?  It's a conundrum, and one I am still not sure of the answer to as I write this. 

It's Halloween every day at a horror fanatic's house.  The amount of horror I watch in one year is astounding. It has seen me through good days and bad - and it's mostly the latter when I mention the words "Comfort Horror".  When I've had a rough day at work or have to deal with issues I seemingly can't face that come up in daily life, quite often I reach for a horror film that I am utterly comfortable with - a movie that I've seen countless times and can depend on to take me away from all my troubles for a few hours.  One that epitomizes my love of the genre.  Comfort horror doesn't necessarily have to be your favorite films, though for many I can only assume they would be.  And I'm not going to lie - any time I notice Jaws or Psycho on TV I simply have to turn it on, that's a given.  That said, I'm not going to use those two in my list because they are too obvious.

These comfort films can change over the years, and I'll be the first to admit it's entirely redundant to watch a film so many times you can repeat all the lines - but I'll bet if you ask any horror fan (or any movie fan, for that matter!), there are films that just seem to speak to you....and make everything ok...if only for a little while. 

Here are five of mine:

FRIDAY THE 13TH

Friday the 13th  (1980) is at the top of my comfort horror list because I have a very special relationship with it.  It is probably the very first horror film I saw by myself.  Home, alone.  And I've loved it ever since.  Though the Friday series is no real friend of mine (I don't have much time for anything past Part 3, truth be told), the first film is one I will throw on at any given time to just take me back to when things were simpler. It's brainless, has silly jump scares and most of the acting leaves a lot to be desired.  But it's a nostalgic throwback that makes me feel better every single time I watch it!

HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES

So I bet a lot of people may be surprised by the inclusion of this ratty, lurid piece of celluloid.  As its subject matter surely wouldn't give anyone the warm fuzzies inside.  Rob Zombie's oversized music video-slash-movie is a real kickback to the grindhouse flicks of the 70's, with a string of obnoxious characters, loud music and loads of reprehensible violence.  Why do I like it so much? I've no idea.  But when I see it coming on late at night on a Friday after a crappy workweek, I'm so there.  Long live Dr. Satan!!

ALIEN

If I'd have made a list of comfort horror flicks ten years ago, I doubt Alien would have even made the cut.  I've always liked the film, but for some reason in the last five years I've grown utterly attached to the terrifying sci-fi opus.  I'm also one of those fans that love the first film so much more than Aliens.  SO much more.  Because I like my horror silent, stalking, and subtle.  The atmosphere in Alien is thick with palpable dread.  You can't get that from "action" horror.  Alien takes the concept of fear and just sticks it to you - full guns.  It is a contrast of lights and darks, from the bright lights of the dining area when Kane has his bloody fine gastric episode to the creepy darkness of the ventilation shafts where the creature hides.  It is purely and simply....perfect.  (In fact, I think I need to watch this right now....)

INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (1978)

It seems funny for me to be listing another sci-fi horror film, as I am honestly and truly not the biggest sci-fi fan.  I enjoy it, but straight-out horror is a little more "me".  That said, I freaking love Invasion of the Body Snatchers.  Partly because of my Donald Sutherland love, and the other part due to the freaky nature of the storyline.  The acting really is top-notch here, and they manage to make "alien plants" so much more believable. And let's face it, those pod people are just downright grotesque when they are mutating.  It seems to be on television a great deal lately on the premium movie stations, so it's comforting to know I can just turn it on and chillax without having to pay a great deal of attention.  Or I could always throw in the DVD!

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD

Being from western Pennsylvania leads to a natural love of Romero's groundbreaking zombie film.  I live about 40 minutes from where is was filmed and have always gravitated towards it as comfort horror.  It's my favorite of the "dead" films and I adore the black and white grittiness of it.  I've watched it so many times I think even my hubby has it memorized.  Like Psycho and Jaws, I will always turn it on if I see it while surfing. I can sigh a sigh of relief when I see it on, as if an old friend has come over to make me feel better.  To me, it embodies the meaning of comfort horror.  It is probably the film I've watched the most on this list, and will no doubt keep that title for years to come.

We Ain't Gonna Stand For No Weirdness Out Here!: Explaining My Love For Friday The 13th (1980)

When I was around twelve, I watched a film that forever changed my life.  No, it wasn't Ordinary People or anything pretentious like that.  It was Friday the 13th.  It was late, I was home alone while the parents were at a church group outing (!), and I was feasting on leftover Chef Boyardee pizza and Nestle Quik.  Why do I remember this so vividly?  Because it changed my life, remember?  Pay attention!

I saw it before Halloween (1978).  And while we're mentioning Halloween, I have never really understood the comparison between the two films. People say F13 is the "poor-man's Halloween" or that F13 was a major copycat of Carpenter's golden child.  I don't get that. Halloween is full of style and excellent direction, whereas Friday is more of a smash em up, flat out slasher flick.  Halloween is unnerving and ominous, Friday is more gory and straightforward.  Michael Myers quietly kills you with a knife, Mrs. Vorhees yells at you, rubs your face in the dirt, shoots an arrow through your eye, and throws you through a window.  Michael is out to get his sister for an unexplained reason, Mrs. Vorhees wants revenge for the death of her son, Jason.  Halloween takes place in a suburban neighborhood, F13 is set at a summer camp.  Michael wears a mask, Mrs. Voorhees just grins and pulls out a big machete. And when Michael gets up and sneaks off after being shot six times, Pamela Voorhees loses her head, literally. The end.
Almost.

While it's true that Friday the 13th may have taken advantage of Halloween's success and tried to emulate it, so did about a hundred other films after it. Maybe it's just because that's the film that happened to be on Showtime that cool November evening, I don't know... But I love it, and will wax poetic about it until the day I die.  I have a phrase I use:  "comfort horror", and while comfort horror is another post altogether, Friday the 13th is one of the films (along with Jaws and Psycho, to name a few) that I throw in when the chips are down (or in my case, up - and I'm wallowing on my couch with an entire bag of Lays plain) and I'm feeling melancholy.  So let's break it down a bit, shall we?  I think the only way to profess my love for the film in any kind of organized manner is by character.

Annie.  Oh Annie.  I'm so damn sorry that you got killed in the first ten minutes.  After the flashback to the past so we could see the whole "kill the helpless victims just as they are getting down to business", we are introduced to Annie, who is backpacking/hitchhiking her way to her job as a cook at Camp Crystal Lake. She stops off at a local restaurant asking for a ride and the entire place looks at her like she has three heads. But ol' Enos will transport her in his truck (after copping a feel helping her into his truck) to edge of town. After Enos drops her off, poor Annie just never had a chance.  She just jumped in that Jeep and it was goodnight nurse.  Guess we should have known when town crazy Ralph got all up in her business, warning her about Camp Blood.  I probably regret the loss of Annie the most because 1) she was nice to the dog at the gas pumps, and 2) she was the cook, dammit.  They could have been feasting on BBQ chicken instead of crappy burgers and bad coffee.

Steve. You're creepy, Steve.  Something about your bandana-sporting 'I've been listening to a lot of Grateful Dead lately'-look makes me squirm.  First thing out you're all bossy: "Come and help me push over this dead tree stump! Now!" When you should be making the introductions and thanking the other counselors for coming, instead you bitch about getting the place into shape that afternoon!  This is besides the unpleasant episode with Steve and Alice and him touching her face all skeevy-like.  Then he just freaking leaves the newbies and goes off to "get supplies". Not very fond of Steve, truth be told.

Though he did leave Sandy the waitress with the giant 80's eyeglasses a really nice tip!  Here's a tip for you, Steve...don't try to refurbish a "doomed" campground, okay? And by the way, Sandy - perhaps you need to take your uniform size up a notch, don't you think? Those puppies are busting at the seams....

Crazy Ralph.  I love your moxie. You always were facing an uphill battle, weren't you - trying to convince people that Camp Crystal Lake has a "death curse".  Why don't more people take the advice of their local doomsday messiah?  I don't get it.  He told you people, flat out, that you're all going to die.  And guess what? We have a bingo!  Though I'm not a fan of someone hiding in my pantry and jumping out at me, you meant well. I know that.  If only the counselors would have listened to your bike-riding, Freddy Kreuger-hat-wearing soothsayer ass. 

Brenda. Dear Brenda, why'd you have to go and wear those red mom-shorts?  I guess I can forgive you, but it wasn't easy when you slipped on that granny gown to sleep in.  I bet you were reading Valley of the Dolls, weren't you?  And if Ned had shot an arrow that close to my person I would have pounded the shit out of him but you just laughed.  You are completely and utterly forgiven though, because you play strip Monopoly.  That puts you in the eternal cool book.  That, and that sexy green slicker. But come to think of it, why did you venture outside in a thunderstorm in your granny gown to investigate the 'help me' screams when you owned a slicker? Smooth move, Ex-Lax.

Ned.  Comic relief Ned.  In other words, ain't no way Neddy's getting laid. Kind of a goof, but not as much of an asshole as most jerk-off funny guys in horror (i.e. Shelly from F13 Part 3 - Gah!!).  Ned's best moment came when he was bouncing around the yard wearing an Indian chief's head-dress and making "fake Indian whoops" in front of the local yokel cop (who incidentally provided the title of this post!). Later, Ned does what stupid characters do best: wander off alone to explore and end up dead.

Bill:  Now Bill is the token hottie, I assume.  Considering his dark wavy hair, rad guitar playing, and super-hunky flannel shirts, he's the man you want fixing your generator any old day of the week.  He's "the smart one" too, at least until he goes off to check on said generator alone.  But hey, he was already last man standing at that point.  And we all know, there's hardly ever a final guy, right? (Mostly because most men aren't virgins and those that are are like Part 3 Shelly!)  Additionally, while Deadhead Steve was the one hitting on Alice at every opportunity, Bill is the guy Alice wanted to get hot and heavy with, I think.  Alas, she had every chance to do so though, waited too long....and Bill ended up strung up on the back of a door with arrows mussing up his flannel.  I've decided: I mourn beer-guzzling Bill most of all.

Jack:  Bedding Marcie was always Jack's top priority.  Seems to me they were only at the camp to sneak off and have sex anyway, so they were bound to get offed quickly. Jack and Marcie stow away in the bunkhouse during a thunderstorm and make mad, passionate love in a stinky old twin bunk, then when she leaves to tinkle, he burns a quick doobie.  Strike two.  First you had sex, then you did drugs.  What's next? In any event, he was doomed.  At least he was able to take a few hits off that joint to lessen the pain of that arrow through his trachea.  Thanks to Ned, by the way, for being all dead and bloody in the top bunk the entire time Jack got his rocks off.

Marcie: The other half of the token sex-crazed couple, Marcie made some grievous errors, with the biggest one coming at her post-coitus trip to the bathroom.  Though she gets props for figuring out that the water was turned off in the sink and making that quick fix, she loses all contention when she hears a strange noise and goes to investigate the shower stalls.  My first thought with Marcie was, why the hell didn't you just step right outside the door of the bunkhouse to pee?  Your man has already seen it all anyway, and it was raining to beat the band - all your urine would have washed away in little rivers (like the blood in your dreams, dearie). But no...she treks to the showers and shazam!  Hatchet to the skull. Admittedly, it was my favorite death scene in the film.

Mrs. Voorhees: Oh Pamela, you were such a surprise! You're a tough bitch, I'll give you that.  And strong, too! I love how you were able to pick up those dead bodies and strategically position them to fall out of cars, trees and through windows. Very impressive.  How did you get Ned to climb into that top bunk before you slit his throat?  And heaving Brenda through that window, after dragging her all the way from the archery range?  Damn!  Besides having mad driving skills (and great taste in vehicles!), you know what revenge is all about.  I am blown away by your vengeful aptitude.  My only question is: where was Jason's daddy when all this negligence and drowning was happening?  Or maybe that's what really triggered all this rage.  Were you robbing the cradle with one of the young stud camp counselors all those years ago?  And for the love of all things good and sacred, why the hell would you take a job at a camp with a LAKE if Jason "wasn't a very good swimmer"? Perhaps you should have taken him to the Y for a few lessons, eh?  In any event, you were amazing as a crazed killer...that is until you lost your head.

"then he's still there...."

Alice. Sweet Alice.  Alice who rebuffed Steve yet tried to get Bill to fancy her. Alice who is able to hang a gutter with just one nail! Alice who rocks boots and mom-jeans like nobody's business. Alice who tried using MacGyver tricks to secure the cabin door.  Alice who enjoys relaxing by the fire while listening to some romantic guitar. Alice who is actually able to take a nap while Bill goes to investigate the power outage after they've found a bloody ax in one of the beds. Okay. All kidding aside, Alice is a fun final girl. NOT as awesome as Ginny in Part 2 (to which all other final girls are judged in my horror world)  She's tactful (because she lies to Steve about "maybe having to go back to California to take care of some things" - because white lies are better than hurting someone) and resourceful (most girls just hide in the corner and wait for the ax to fall - instead she tries rigging up the place and actually is prepared to use a gun if she can find bullets) and in the end, she was pretty damn good with a machete, right?  And best of all, when she says water it rhymes with goiter instead of daughter.  Well done, you.  See you in Part 2.  For a while...

Jason: Really all our little tyke gets to do here in Part 1 is hurl himself out of the water and scare the ever-lovin' hell out of everyone.  The first time I saw that scene I have to admit I almost pissed my pants.  It truly is one of the best jump scares ever, am I right?  Can anyone forget how they felt the first time that canoe-heavy scene?  You're thinking everything is going to be fine.  The cops have arrived, Alice is safe, all is well.  And then whammo!  I love that.  For a long time after the first time I saw that film, that particular scene haunted me when I closed my eyes to go to sleep at night.  That, to me, is the sign of a memorable horror film. When you just can't stop thinking about it.  So thanks for that, Jason.

None of these characters are that astoundingly interesting.  None of them are as cool as Lynda in Halloween or as complex as Norman Bates.  The film itself isn't ingenious or witty, or even terribly original. (After all, films had been slicing and dicing long before 1980).  But there is something about it that pushes my buttons. I believe it has to do with it being the first slasher film I saw. And the time period in my life in which I watched it.  Things start to change for kids at that age, and I don't just mean physiologically.  I mean it made an impression on my mind set.  It crawled up inside me and said "you LIKE this, don't you? You like to be scared shitless and feel helpless, don't you?

And yes, yes I do.  While I have seen countless better films over the years, Friday the 13th is a film that transcends all logical thought processes for me.  No, I shouldn't be so fond of it - the production value is for shit, the characters are fairly trite, and it has none of the style that films like Halloween and Suspiria have. But goddammit I love it.  It means something to me, and I will defend it until the day I get an ax through the head in my shower stall.  I'll love it and respect it for the place it has in my heart.

So there, haters.

31 days, 31 faves: Friday the 13th (1980)

I figure it's possible I'll take a lot of criticism for listing this one as one of my all-time favorites. But Friday the 13th (1980) is my comfort food. I first saw it when I was twelve, on a night when my parents left me alone to go to a church meeting (how ironic). I was absolutely psyched to be watching an "R" rated movie without my parent's permission. And I was alone.

After surviving my first viewing, all I could think about was seeing it again. I think it's where my strange obsession with watching the same movies over and over again (well, not in one sitting mind you) came from. It quickly became the go-to movie to watch at sleepovers so I could scare the crap out of my friends, since I'd already witnessed the mayhem.

It seems redundant to discuss plot here, because I figure anyone who hasn't seen this shouldn't be reading this blog. So I've decided to still go through the movie, but pepper it up with a bit of my own lovingly sarcastic barbs and nostalgic memories of the film. Here goes nothing...

So it's a full moon (naturally) during the summer of 1958 and it's hot hot hot at Camp Crystal Lake, and not just from the weather. In fact, it's a sultry evening - the annoying little rugrats campers are tucked away in their cabins, and the counselors are singing (fairly silly) songs around the campfire. Things like 'Michael Row the Boat Ashore ' and 'Tom Dooley' and other particularly lame songs like that. (Not a Kum Ba Yah in the bunch!)
Two of the counselors are giving each other googly eyes and they take off to get it on in the barn (no 'roll in the hay' jokes, please). They discuss how "special" she is and how much he really means that when he says it (not) and proceed to move on to second base, cause he's really got to get back to that campfire - he's the best tenor in the bunch!

Cut to the killer's point of view (*cough cough* - blatant Halloween rip-off -*cough cough*). Said killer climbs up the stairs to the loft, all the while listening to our horny counselors smooching and such. Finally, our frisky duo hears someone coming (!), but alas it's too late. A few butcher knife slashes later and our famous logo bursts onto the screen and Harry Manfredini's iconic score bursts our eardrums.

Present day...which would be Friday June 13th (1980)... the lovely Annie (Robbie Morgan) is hitching a ride to Camp Blood Crystal Lake.
I have to ask - why does she seem to be backpacking to her summer job? Does she not have money for bus fare? No parents to drop her off at the nearest train station? She couldn't convince any friends to sign up too? I mean, really...before this film came out I'd have been all over the opportunity to hang out all summer far away from the folks and in the perfect place for some meaningless season-long love affairs and hanky-panky.
And can I mention how much Annie reminds me of a girl I went to high school with? Freaks me out every time.
I digress...

When she enters the local diner and asks for directions there is a noticeable and lengthy pause from everyone there, until the waitress finally answers. If it were me, I'd think it was pretty weird that everyone wants me to forget about going up there. I mean, these folks are from around the area, chances are they'll know about all the local stories. But hey, I've seen a lot of horror movies, so I know the ins and outs. Obviously Annie has no clue.

Luckily (?), Annie is able to hitch a ride with Enos (Rex Everhart), a local truck driver ("an American original!") - but not before fan favorite Crazy Ralph (Walt Gorney) comes out of nowhere to get in their face and tell her that not only is she doomed, but they're ALL doomed. (Personally, I love Ralph. He needed more screen time...and quite honestly I knew a guy just like this in my hometown. Only difference was my guy had a big flower on the basket of his bike. I shit you not.)

Enos waves Ralph off angrily and they continue on their way. Enos tells Annie about the two camp counselors who were killed in '58 and the young boy that drowned in '57, explaining that the place is jinxed. He carries on until he drops Annie off at a crossroads, one last time reiterating Crazy Ralph's warning about Camp Crystal Lake. He again tells her outright to quit.
Poor Annie, she should have listened.

As she's walking along, a Jeep drives by but then slows down to pick her up. Annie is utterly giddy, flapping her gums about working with children and how she hates when people call them 'kids', cause it makes them sound like little goats. (Yeah, superb narratives, that's what we've got here.) Because we never see the driver of the Jeep, we feel uneasy. Soon, when the driver bypasses the entrance to CCL, Annie finally feels nervous too. After asking the driver several times to stop, she opens the door (while the Jeep is going like a bat out of hell) and jumps out. She takes off into the woods, but the driver backs up, stops, and gets out to chase her.
I think we all know it doesn't end well for Annie. After tripping and falling she looks up, only to meet the driver's knife.

Meanwhile, Jack (Kevin Bacon), Marcie (Jeannine Taylor), and third-wheel Ned (Mark Nelson) are traveling to CCL in their old beater truck (while we hear some Dukes of Hazzard-worthy tunes in the background. Gee, I hope that's not on the score album!). They arrive just in time for the owner, the crabby Steve Christy (Peter Brouwer), to start spouting orders before he drives off to get supplies. We also meet Alice (Adrienne King) and Bill (Harry Crosby). Alice is first seen actually nailing up a drain gutter (!) while Steve, obviously enamored with Alice, looks on dreamily. Bill is apparently the brains of the operation, fixing the emergency generator in between his duties as camp snake killer. Brenda (Laurie Bartram), wearing a fairly unattractive pair of bright red "mom" shorts, is in charge of the archery range, and flips her lid when Ned shoots an arrow right past her. Yes, Ned is the token jack-ass of the group.

When the boss is away, the camp counselors play. They put on their swim gear and take a dip in the lake, then Jack and Marcie head off to be alone for a bit. They hang out long enough for Marcie to give a meaningless speech about a dream she used to have as a kid where rain turned to blood.
Though the dialogue is pretty pointless, I rather like this part of the movie. As the couple sit and discuss her long-time fear of storms, thunder rolls quietly in the background and the wind whistles through the trees and across the lake. You can hear typical wildlife, like birds and crickets, and for some reason it does lend an ominous feel to that stretch of film.

Of course we're also privy to the fact that Ned, bored and unloved, has taken his own stroll. He ends up at about the same location as Jack and Marcie a few minutes before them, and is surprised to see what he thinks is a person, walking on the porch of an abandoned cabin. When this individual ducks inside, Ned goes to investigate. That is when we cut to Jack & Marcie and see them arrive.

At the sound of thunder, the couple heads for the same isolated cabin where they hunker down and get their groove on. Even though they have their own cabin (I'm assuming), they choose to have sex in a deserted cabin far away from the rest of the group. Am I saying that's a dumb ass thing to do? Actually I'm not. Because seriously, who wouldn't do that? It's really not that unthinkable. Besides, it's raining cats & dogs. Might as well get busy.

Back at the ranch, Bill, Alice and Brenda start up a game of strip Monopoly, enhanced (cause Monopoly is actually quite boring truth be told) by smoking some grass. Tell me how in the hell are they supposed to fend off ax murderers and the likes while utterly fucked up on weed? They'll have such a severe case of the munchies they'll be chomping on Oreos when the killer strikes!

This brings me to yet another observation.
I never noticed until now how nothing really happens in the first half of this movie. A lot of talk, a bit of nudity, and besides the pre-credits couple and Annie, only a snake bites the big one. Say what? Isn't this a down and dirty, blood and guts kind of film? No.... I only thought that when I was twelve.

So then, we catch up with Steve, who is riding out hurricane-level rain at a diner alongside the highway. He and the bea-U-tiful waitress Sandy (who for all intents and purposes looks very much like a tranny wearing Sally Jesse Raphael glasses) chat about the campers being babes in the woods while he has some coffee and pie. How nice. Oh, and he leaves Sandy a generous tip. Maybe he's a nice guy after all!

Back at CCL, the strip Monopoly game goes south after the wind blows the door of the cabin open and shit flies all over the place. Brenda only then remembers she left her cabin windows open. Um, duh! Would you really leave your cabin windows open on your first day there? You don't even know half these people. They could be utter thieves. Then again, so could your friends. And that's not even mentioning all the critters that could make their way into your cabin. Squirrels, mice, birds, bats...
Anyway, she heads back to her cabin to close up and retire for the evening. She puts on the most conservative granny gown you could imagine (looks like she wasn't planning on getting laid) and lies down with a good book (and it's not this one).
Until, that is, she starts hearing someone calling for help.

Now here's the downright stupidest move of the film (and dammit, I liked Brenda). She goes outside in her nightgown to call out to the person who she hears yelling. In her nightgown. In the pouring rain. We already know she owns a slicker, she had it on when she left Bill and Alice. SO she literally starts walking all over the place, drenched like a wet cat, trying to see in the darkness. Until, that is, the lights in the archery range come on.

Okay, back to Jack and Marcie - almost forgot about our two lovebirds! Following a rousing bout of coitus, they are basking in the afterglow until Marcie spoils it by having to pee. She gets up and slides on her slicker and tells Ren (whoops! careless Footloose error!) Jack that she'll be right back (so that's where that Scream reference came from...)

Now, I have to say, why could she not have just stepped outside the cabin door and peed? I mean, it's raining, right? Plus the cabin is far-removed from all the others, so who would see? Was she lying when she said she only had to urinate? What else would drag her ass down to the bath/shower rooms just to pee!? To make a long story short (too late!), Marcie gets an ax to the face in probably the spookiest part of the film.

Jack fares no better. Lighting up a ciggie, the fornicating wonder relaxes and thinks about more sex. 'Cause that's what guys do, right? Strangely, he feels a plop on his forehead. Reaching up to his forehead, he notices it's blood. Without warning, a hand comes from under the bed and an arrow twists through Jack's neck in what I think is the coolest kill. Blood gurgles up and spurts out just as the camera pans to the bunk bed above him. Where we see Ned, throat slit, eyes open.

When I was a kid, it scared the total shit out of me that the killer had been under the bed the entire time Jack and Marcie were having sex. Let alone dead Ned hanging out overhead. Oh my! That traumatized me so much that I still sometimes think about it when....oh, you know when.

When Alice tells Bill she thinks she heard Brenda screaming (and she did, as Brenda was murdered off-screen) they go to investigate. What do they find? A bloody ax in Brenda's bed. To which Alice delivers the appropriately droll line, "What is going on here?" If it were me, I'd have been beating feet out of there. Instead the two of them stare at each other with no more fear than you might have if your accountant said you weren't getting a refund this year.
I will give them credit for trying the phones to call the police. As in all horror movies, the lines are dead. Naturally, the car won't start either.

Steve, all caffeined up and riding high on sugar, heads back to camp but is intercepted by the killer once he arrives. But Steve knows his attacker, so you start to wonder just who this murderer is...

Because this is a horror movie, soon all the lights in the campground go out. Bill leaves Alice alone and goes to check on the generator (it's his job, remember?). When he's gone a bit too long, Alice decides to go look for him and finds him pinned to the shed door with arrows and his throat slashed. Bummer, he was the best looking dude.

And now the screaming starts.

Alice retreats post haste to her cabin where she proceeds to throw a ridiculous amount of furniture against the door and rig the door so it won't open. Seriously, what year did MacGyver start on tv? He has nothing on this girl. Of course she forgets how easy it would be for the killer to just break a goddamned window and get in.
And the next scene? Killer throws the body of Brenda through the window. Now what did I say? Duh.

Looking outside (which is fairly ill-advised considering what just happened) she sees headlights approaching and rushes outside, thinking it is Steve returning. She's greeted instead by a tall woman in an unforgivably ugly blue sweater who insists she calm down so she can help her. Smiling, the woman announces that she is Mrs. Voorhees (Betsy Palmer), a friend of the Christy's. And even after Alice cries that everyone is dead and that she'll get killed too, Mrs. Voorhees brushes her off, claiming she's not afraid. Here's where I'd start to worry about our new friend.

They go back into the cabin where Alice shows Mrs. Voorhees Brenda's corpse, which in turn prompts Mrs. Voorhees to go into a long spiel about what a shame it was and how they never should have opened the place up again. Getting louder, Mrs. V. continues on about how a young boy drowned there years ago when camp counselors were supposed to be watching him. And as Alice begins to wonder about the sanity of the woman in front of her, Mrs. Voorhees tells her it was her SON, Jason, that died. He wasn't a very good swimmer, you know.
She pulls out a big-ass knife/machete from her hip and dives for Alice.

Fighting ensues, and a long chase scene almost bores us in the process. There's a moment of true bliss (one that makes my hubby laugh out loud every time) when the two are fighting at the shoreline of the lake and Mrs. Voorhees slams Alice's face into the dirt several times. It is rather amusing, if I do say so myself.

And - ta dah! (*Major Spoiler*) Alice struggles but manages to retrieve the machete from Mrs. V. and decapitates her. As the dead woman's head falls to the ground, we get to see her fingers grabbing...reaching out....wondering what became of her noggin. Ahhh! Love that. Thank you, Tom Savini.

Alice drags her beat-up ass to a nearby canoe and gets in. (Which is, of course, the first thing you'd do, right? Um, no. What I would do is head back to Mrs. Voorhees Jeep, throw out the dead bodies of Steve and Alice, and head back to town for heaven's sake!) But Alice prefers an aquatic departure and drifts out onto the lake. Seriously, just where did she think she was going?

When morning comes, the lovely strains of a peaceful melody make everything seem like wine and roses as we cut to Alice, just waking up in the canoe. She sees a police car at the shore and notices a cop calling out to her. Just as she is becoming fully aware, a boy lurches out of the water and grabs her, pulling her under the water. And not just any boy - JASON!!! The disfigured, water-logged, creepy mess of a boy that died all those years ago.
Props to the director for that one! That is one jump-scare that trumps most of the others in the genre, hands down. If anyone can tell me they didn't fly out of their seat the first time they saw this film, I want to shake their hand. Then I'm going to slap them for lying.

Suddenly, Alice is at the hospital. With the cop and a doctor looking on, a nurse gives her a shot in the ass and she calms down enough to ask about the boy. Where is the boy? When she gets a quizzical look from the cop, she explains about Jason.... the boy that pulled her under the water.
When the cop tells her they didn't find any boy, Alice gives a forlorn expression of disbelief, delivering the final line - "Then he's still there..."

Cue sequel!