Presumably in the old west?

I think this is my favorite. It has so much character!

Trick or treat?

This really looks like one of my old haunts.

Big place.
Nice yard.
I suppose they couldn't afford the upkeep.
Beautiful, though.

Somewhere in America's heartland, someone is crying.

This is one of my favorites. I love the 'round' room (turret).

I think this might be a painting, but I'll include it cause it was probably done from a real life place, I'm guessing.

Halloween fun

Check out my other blog for more of these friendly Halloween canines.



I think the 'parents' of these dogs need psychological counseling.
Seriously!

Another one that I think could definately be refurbished.

The Unborn ( trailer )

I don't usually post videos cause I hate it when they are on every damn post.
But I think movie trailers are appropriate for my blog...
And this movie looks pretty damn good.

"THE UNBORN"

I'm not hungry, ok?

Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds
Wow.
What can I say?

Well, I can say that I wish like hell that I didn't purchase this movie sight unseen.
And I really CAN appreciate a good B-grade horror flick, I really can.
Enjoy them, even.
And I was really looking forward to this sequel.
Never again.
Note to self: Always. Use. Netflix. First.

First let me say that I am a fan of the first Feast. It really rocked - it was something kind of different, and the acting actually wasn't too bad (for a horror film). It was pleasantly over-the-top. The script was campy and fun, it was fast-paced, and the amount of gore was just right.

And I can watch alot of gore.
But this movie was like a puke-fest, blood-fest, 'bodily fluid'-fest and a gratuitous nudity-fest all wrapped up in one. I know what you're thinking, horror fans: "I like alot of all of the above"....Trust me, you don't.
This film is truly one of the most appallingly bad, disgustingly nauseating, repulsive flicks I have seen in awhile. I could handle the gore, but when pretty much every character started projectile vomiting (over and over!), I didn't know whether to laugh or upchuck.

Feast 2 starts directly after the end of the first Feast.
The creatures have moved on down the road from the bar they left in ruins, and they gang up on a town of (apparent) losers who are holed up at various locations around the village.
Every character is worthless and unlikeable.
Honey Pie (the chick from the first movie who took off in a truck and left everyone else for dead) is back and for some reason, everybody pretty much hates her so she is on her own.
The bartender (Director John Gulager's dad, Clu) is back, as is the twin sister of "Harley Mama" - that would be "Biker Queen" (seriously, I'm not making this shit up)... Of course she is back, she's the director's girlfriend.
Also joining in the family fun is a new character (whose name I forget but if you watch the movie you'll know who I'm talking about) - he's the biggest jackass of them all. I think his name might be Greg. He's played by the director's brother. Nothing like exposing your entire family to your horrific directing skills.

Basically there is no plot for this cheese-fest (not that the first one had one, but it was just sooooo much better).
All the characters just run around screaming obscenities constantly and getting blanketed with blood and gruesome body parts.
To make matters worse, the monsters have giant (I mean whoppingly large) genitalia, and it is on full view at all times. Not scary. Not even funny.
Stupid.

And if I haven't convinced you that this is a waste of time yet (hard to believe you're still interested!).... one of the first freaking things you see on screen is a German Shepherd get blown to pieces! Now that JUST AIN'T COOL, man! I should've known right then to hit eject...

But in addition to the canine carnage, there are (and I shit you not, here) catapulting midgets, monsters copulating with alley cats, farting autopsy recipients, and in the worst thing I've seen - maybe ever - they throw a baby into the air and it not only smashes to the cement (splat!), it is then savagely devoured by the hungry creatures. Say it with me now.... OH. MY. GOD.

This is not Evil Dead II, folks. There are no redeeming qualities to speak of, I'm sorry.
And if it gets really cold this winter - with the skyrocketing price of natural gas - I just may throw this piece of rubbish on the fire to keep warm.

And now for the really crazy post script.
They made Feast 2 and Feast 3 back to back.
Yikes.

B-grade fun

It Waits (2005)

Sometimes I just like to watch really campy, thoughtless horror.
"It Waits" fits the bill pretty good.

Usually this kind of movie is on the Sci-Fi channel on Saturday afternoon, but this one has the advantage of having a recognized star (at least in the horror genre) as the lead - Cerina Vincent (Cabin Fever, Return to House on Haunted Hill, Sasquatch Mountain).
Now I'm not saying she's a great actress or anything, but she is good enough to watch for a few hours)


(In case you can't place who she is)

And any guy that didn't watch something she was in just to look at her, well... I can't say more.
I mean, she is extraordinarily pretty. Among other things...

Anyway.... It Waits (dumb title by the way) is the story of Danielle (Vincent), who is a forest ranger (yep.) struggling with the fact that her best friend was just killed in a drunk driving accident in which Danielle was driving. Added to that are troubles with a boyfriend (also a ranger) and some missing campers she can't locate, and that about sums up the first part of the movie. I mean, there's always a useless sub-plot that has nothing to do with the real heart of the story.

But there is something out there in the woods (because there always is).
It stalks.
It lurks.
It waits.
Oh brother.

Key plot points:
There is a Native American legend not unlike alot of movies we've already seen. (If you're looking strictly for Native American themes, rent Wendigo instead).
The creature is awakened by a group of scientists (?) who decide to blow half a mountain off to look for.... what? I can't remember.
'It' starts stalking anyone we see on screen.
It looks almost exactly like a cross between Pumpkinhead and the Creeper (Jeepers Creepers) - so much so that it even sprouts wings and flies away! (mega-rip-off!).
Some dude in a camper mysteriously appears and starts yakking about the 'legend'... I've already forgotten what he said.
Danielle and said boyfriend are obviously the creature's main targets.
Maybe she peed in his Cheerios, I don't know.

Anyway, I actually watched this all the way through and thought it wasn't too bad - in a Netflix free-viewing sort of way.
So if it ever pops up on Sci-Fi or Fuse some afternoon, you can watch it without puking.
Hey, it's better than Feast 2!!

What's that I hear?
You want another pic of Cerina Vincent?
Ok, here you go:

Perhaps Louisiana or Mississippi?
Looks like that style of architecture.
I'm thinking alot of voodoo thoughts with this one...

Here's another ESTATE-like property.
And this one is really, really cool!
I'd paint it white, of course.
It really looks haunted, doesn't it?

Now this is a crying shame.
Somebody has to own this huge property.
With today's mortgage crisis I bet you could get this for a song and a dance.
I'd take it.

Whoa, there's a light on in this gem...
WTF?

I like this one, too.
Nice location, lots of trees - house has character.
Who walks away from these properties, I wonder?

Seems like this one could have some potential if you add some new windows and a paint job.
The frame structure still looks good.

A movie with BITE

Teeth (2007)

Here's a film I took awhile to see because I just kept thinking: Seriously?
Well I probably shouldn't have waited, cause it was a real hoot!

Again reaching into my bag of 'instant Netflix viewing', I decided to finally give this movie a go.
It was a hit at the Sundance movie festival last year. It is certainly a strange and unusual idea.


Dawn O'Keefe (Jess Weixler, who seems like a cross between Keira Knightley and Winona Ryder) is a high school virgin (rare these days, I know) who gives "purity" speeches at her high school, begging teens her age to forego sex and stay abstinent until marriage.
This is all well and good, until she meets Tobey (Hale Appleman) and develops a more mature crush on him.

However, Dawn has something different about her.
Straight to the point: she has teeth in her vagina!

This is an actual medical myth/mystery known as Vagina Dentata. I really can't see myself explaining this, so read about it here, or better yet - here!

So... seeing as how Dawn's never experienced intimacy, she isn't quite sure what feels different about herself, but she's aware there is something amiss 'down there'...
Apparently she's never shredded any tampons. Sorry, had to mention...

Her and Tobey head off to the local make-out spot and things get carried a bit too far - Tobey has actually already had sex (bad boy! No!) and felt "remorse" (yeah, right!) so he has been abstaining for quite a long time, and he is done with purity and ready for some action - he pretty much forces himself on Dawn and suffice it to say, his male genitalia suffer the consequences.

Now I wouldn't want to give everything away here, so I'll stop there with the "intimate" details (no pun intended).. but you gotta see this movie to believe it.

As sub-plots, Dawn also has a raunchy, ridiculously sex-crazed nasty half-brother who has had the hots for her since they were little (say it with me now - eww!). He figures in the equation quite prominently.
She also goes to the OB/GYN for help and unfortunately has a perverted gynecologist - of course things go downhill after her feet are in the stirrups.

Then there are other boys that have made a bet that they can be the ones to get her into bed first... you can leave it up to your imagination (but the film won't!)...

There is a mentionable amount of gore, as you can imagine. But I think the acting by young Jess Weixler is really quite good, and I'm anxious to see something by her in another genre. I think she could have some pretty good acting chops.

There is an absolutely eye-popping scene involving a Rotweiller near the end. Truly outrageous!

So check out Teeth for something really different.
I can guarantee it will leave you (especially you guys!) thinking about your next roll in the hay.