Halloween 2013: Guilty Pleasures Week ~ The Vampire Diaries & Paranormal Witness

For our final Guilty Pleasure, Marie and I have chosen to go to the small screen to pick a fave from there.

My choice is a show I've been watching for several years now, THE VAMPIRE DIARIES.

Though decidedly different than the Twilight films, TVD is based on a book series for teenage youngsters as well. Only in this particular vampire story, the vampires actually have fangs and use them on a regular basis. They are also much cooler than the vegetarian vamps from the teeny bopper flicks as well. They might brood and get emo once in a while, but they look so much better doing it.  And they aren't worried that their next meal might be a squirrel, either.

Stefan (Paul Wesley) and Damon (Ian Somerhalder) Salvatore are two brothers who were turned into vampires during Civil War times and have returned to their roots in Mystic Falls, Virginia, to live among the humans. Naturally they both fall in love with the same girl, one Elena Gilbert (Nina Dobrev) who happens to be a doppelganger for Katherine (Katerina) Petrova (Dobrev in a dual-role) - the very same vampire who changed the two siblings over 150 years ago. Much sex and chaos ensues.

This series had me at Damon. The beautiful Ian Somerhalder (LOST) is captivating to watch and always has a smart-ass remark (and a glass of whiskey) at hand. The rest of the cast is great as well, with supernatural creatures of many varieties (witches, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, etc.) wreaking havoc in a small town setting.

I'd say it's a guilty pleasure because it's geared towards teens (though admittedly many of the cast are over 30) and is meant to entice the Twilight crowd to something a little less prosaic - with a little more meat on its bones and a lot less drivel. 

The series has been running since 2009, and this year spins off another series entitled The Originals, which stars many of the family of "original" (read: malevolent ancients) vampires from TVD. It's supposed to be a little more adult, a little more nasty, and a lot more spooky - and with its New Orleans set it's bound to do so.

The Vampire Diaries  airs Thursday nights at 8pm (EST) on the CW network and just started its new season a few days ago.  I previously sung the praises (and went a little more into depth) about The Vampire Diaries HERE, as well.

And Marie's pick:  PARANORMAL WITNESS

Let the judgment begin.

Yes, I believe in “ghosts” and an assortment of other paranormal activity. What I love most about ghosts though is that they come with stories. Nothing gets me off more than a ghost story, especially if it is a “real” one. I love first-hand accounts because it is storytelling in its traditional form. Some people, however, aren’t the greatest storytellers, and need a little help to bring their spoken images to life. Which brings me to my real confession…

I love paranormal drama-documentaries It’s a mouthful, but that’s not the reason I don’t normally admit this out-loud—it’s because it is pretty embarrassing. Perhaps you’ve seen what I’m talking about, for there’s a few. There’s a Discovery Channel series called A Haunting, there’s one on Animal Planet called The Haunted, but my favorite is hosted by Syfy—Paranormal Witness.

So the gist of these types of shows is that they bring on someone (usually a family) who claims to have had a real paranormal experience. The storyteller is situated interview-style in front of some dark, unmoving backdrop and the camera is set to a fixed angle while the storyteller narrates, leaving the fourth wall intact. Mixed in with the telling of their tale are dramatizations that follow their descriptions.

The reason these are my guilty pleasure is that the dramatizations are often really cheesy; bad acting, poor special effects, the works. Even still, I love them! The less-than-frightening acted-out versions of these ghost stories are not enough to stop me from enjoy a good, first-hand accounted ghost story.

Paranormal Witness is my favorite because I find it to be the most effective of all the ones I’ve seen. Although it is still pretty hit-or-miss, I’ve seen some episodes where they create some genuine tension, instill some real fear, and really bring these stories to life. There are currently three seasons and a few of my favorite episodes are “The Cabin/Ghost in the Garden” (Season 2), “Haunted Highway/Kentucky UFO Chase” (Season 1), and “Emily the Imaginary Friend/The Lost Girl” (Season 1).

If you find yourself curious to watch Paranormal Witness, the first season is available on Netflix.

Halloween 2013: Guilty Pleasures Week ~ The Phantom Of The Opera (2004) & The Skeleton Key

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (2004)

The Phantom of the Opera is one of my favorite classic horror novels.  The whole story is heartbreaking yet horrifying, and I've enjoyed the many incarnations of the tale of the masked anti-hero living in the bowels of the Paris Opera House. And the story has translated to Broadway with rave reviews. So it's only natural that a feature film of the Broadway show would be wonderful, right?

Hmm... It didn't seem to fare as well as expected with critics, and I'm fairly certain that most horror fans dislike the Phantom being romanticized so much.  To make it such an obviously lavish love story seems out of character from the Gaston Leroux novel of 1909.  Though the heart of the novel is gothic romance, there are horrors inside that were never brought to fruition in the musical, and likewise did not translate to screen.

If I really need to mention the actual storyline, here's what you need to know:  Erik "The Phantom" is a disfigured musician who lives in the depths of the Paris Opera House. He has tutored a lovely soprano, Christine Daaé (Emmy Rossum), for years from afar, and seeks to make her lead in the opera by causing accidents to rid the opera of her competition. Christine is haunted by the death of her musician father and believes it is him (as an angel) who has taught her all he knows of music. When Christine's childhood love, Raoul (Patrick Wilson) comes back into her life, the Phantom becomes insanely jealous and sets a plan in motion to kidnap Christine and keep her locked away with him forever.

Much ado was made about the casting choices in the movie, and I for one would have much rather had Hugh Jackman been cast as the Phantom.  I don't have anything particularly bad to say about Gerard Butler, and he has the looks to pull off the beautiful side of Erik, but I really think someone with musical experience would have done the part better justice. And though Emmy Rossum has a lovely voice, she was never really Christine to me, I can't explain why. 

The real reason to love this film though (besides Andrew Lloyd Webber's music, which is unmatched in its grandeur) is the gorgeous sets and stunning imagery. Luxurious is not a strong enough word.  The lavish spectacle of Erik's underground lair, the ominous yet striking beauty of a misty graveyard, the shadowy perfection of a rooftop overlook...it's all just flawless. Combined with the music, I just cannot stop watching.

If you've never seen the film, here's one of the scenes that shows the vast, gorgeous set of the Paris Opera underground...




And Marie's pick is one of my favorites as well:  THE SKELETON KEY

I call it a good bit of Southern Gothic fun, you call it a pile of garbage, but we both known it as The Skeleton Key (2005).

Kate Hudson’s fine ass plays Caroline, a hospice nurse who has been assigned to an elderly client living with his wife in an old plantation house in New Orleans. But the house and its tenants bear many secrets, and they have a lot to do with the land’s tainted, voodoo-filled past!

There’s ghosts, black magic and side-boob, what more could you ask for in a film?! Well, apparently that isn’t good enough for some people. Critics and other people with decent taste in cinema chide The Skeleton Key with gathering a great cast (John Hurt, Peter Sarsgaard, Gena Rowlands) and giving them a shitty movie.

Okay, maybe the movie didn’t reach its full potential. Overall, the screenplay could have been a bit richer. It wasn’t necessarily predictable but the climax doesn’t exactly floor you. The storyline is a bit threadbare, focusing too much on desperate foreshadowing and creepy moments—which end up failing to terrify.  

The Skeleton Key has some great elements—the vinyl of eerie ritualistic chanting, a beautiful old Southern home complete with its own skeleton key—but it fails to do anything very remarkable with them. Looking back, there are fewer memorable frightening scenes and more that leave you scratching your head, wondering, “Why is this in here?”

If only all the pieces complimented each other like a patchwork quilt and the story moved as fluidly as Gena Rowlands' lilting Louisiana drawl, then perhaps the general public would accept this as a decent work of cinema. But for now, I suppose it will just have to be appreciated by myself, Christine, and perhaps a few others of you out there.
 Rather than give me nightmares The Skeleton Key sends me off to pleasant fantasies where I’m drinking lemonade with my Southern gentleman, Peter Sarsgaard—naked.

Halloween 2013: Guilty Pleasures Week ~ Jaws 4: The Revenge & Paranormal Activity 3

 Christine's pick:  JAWS 4: THE REVENGE

Now that I have your attention, I will admit this is one of the worst movies ever made, period. But for some ungodly reason, I like it! Maybe because its plot is so daffy and its characterizations SO bad, I just have to laugh.

The original Jaws is my favorite movie.  Has been for years and years....and years.  So it is only fitting that I would love anything and everything associated with the 1975 blockbuster, right?  Jaws 3D? Sure! Went to see it at the theater when it was released. And it's simply pathetic as well.  But Jaws 4 really takes the cake.
I read somewhere that it holds a 0 % rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and that makes me giggle even more!

Forgetting the entire second sequel, Jaws 4 picks up with the quick death of Sean Brody, Martin and Ellen's youngest son. Martin is already dead, the victim of a heart attack, so when Sean is attacked and killed by a great white in the Amity village harbor, Ellen (Lorraine Gary) is certain that the shark chose Sean on purpose - that it has targeted the young Brody because of the family association with great whites (and killing them, natch!)

As preposterous as this sounds, it gets worse.  Ellen travels to the Bahamas to visit her other son, Michael (Lance Guest), who is a marine biologist and lives the island life with his wife Carla and young daughter Thea.

Ellen quickly hooks up with the island's local pilot, Hoagie (Michael Caine, in what is surely his slummiest role!) and though it seems like a good time will be had by all, the shit is about to hit the fan.  The great white that killed Sean has beat feet (or fin, should I say?) to the Bahamas with only vengeance on its mind! Oh my...

Jaws 4: The Revenge is such a bad movie, from start to finish. And though I don't own it (I do have some decorum, folks!), if it turns up on TV on a random Saturday afternoon, you can bet your sweet ass I'll be watching.  The mere thought of a shark with an agenda is so hokey - so ludicrous - that I laugh just thinking about it. But it's a shark. It's a great white. And its name is Jaws.  So I have to be there!

But good night nurse this film is crap!

And Marie's pick:  PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3 

2007’s Paranormal Activity launched a found-footage craze and is even considered by some to be a decent and clever film. In fact, enough people enjoyed it that the studio thought it was a good idea to make another one. And another one. And another one. And oh, yeah ANOTHER ONE!! Their fresh idea quickly went rotten when they pumped out film after film of the same old gimmicks and barely and plot and acting to support it. Many quickly lost interest, however, it took me until the most recently released film (#4 in the franchise) to finally give up.

Yes, I’m a little ashamed to admit that I am a fan of the Paranormal Activity… My favorite being #3, which came out in 2011. The first two separately concern a pair of sisters who are being afflicted by a violent and disturbing haunting, leading to the murder of one sister’s husband and her disappearance. Paranormal Activity 3 explores the two sister’s childhood and the dark family secret that spawned this… paranormal activity.

All of the Paranormal Activity films are in the found-footage style, meaning they are made to look like one of the characters is filming using their own means. This gives you a subjective and often very limited perspective and also results in a lot of “shaky cam” moments. It can often be very hard to enjoy these kinds of films for the unsteady camera can be obnoxious and nauseating.

Even though there is a plot line in these films, it is extremely bare bones. The filmmakers seemed to grow less and less concerned with the running storyline and are simply going for shocks and scares. The script is equally weak; there isn’t really time for character development as most of the dialogue is along the lines of, “What was that? Did you see that? Holy shit! Aaaahhhh!”

Still, I think they can at times be clever, especially when it comes to finding unique ways to set up cameras. My favorite example of this is in #3 when they place a hand-held camera on a rotating fan; it ends up creating some genuine tension and a few memorable moments.

But even I can put pride aside and admit that 2012’s Paranormal Activity 4 was a complete travesty and I have very little doubt that the next installment (pushed back to next October) could get any better. Or any worse, for that matter!

Halloween 2013: Guilty Pleasures Week ~ Wild Things & The Gay Bed And Breakfast Of Terror

Christine's pick: WILD THINGS

People who know me know I love Kevin Bacon, and have seen most everything he's been in. Including this swarmy little thriller from 1998.

Truth be told, the story line here is pretty tight, with several endings within an ending that gives us twists and turns throughout the film and multiple questions that seemingly go unanswered until the very end.

Its guilty pleasure status, I believe, comes from the blatant sexuality the film unfolds - including a ménage à trois and full frontal male nudity. But I love this movie!

Sam Lombardo (Matt Dillon) is a high school guidance counselor who finds himself in trouble with the law after being accused of the rape of two different (very different) young ladies. Trailer-trash Suzie (Neve Campbell) and uppity rich-bitch Kelly (Denise Richards) later admit to framing Mr. Lombardo to exact revenge for wrongdoings that have affected each girl. Only later do we find out that the two girls and Lombardo were working together to extort a settlement from Kelly's very wealthy mother. That's where the naked partying starts.

Enter Detective Ray Duquette (Kevin Bacon) who smells a sham a mile away. He begins to investigate the "crime" and finds himself embroiled in the deception and subterfuge of the case. As Lombardo's lawyer Kenneth Bowden (the always hilarious Bill Murray), entangles himself as well, what we get is a big mess of a narrative that is as compelling as it is bewildering. 

The film took a lot of flak for some of the subject matter but quite honestly, I think it's a decent mystery with elements of horror and soft porn. The Florida Everglades provide a sultry backdrop for the duplicitous story with its lewd sexual climate. The acting is above-average, and the multiple twists keep you guessing nearly the entire running time.

And really...who doesn't want to see Kevin Bacon, finally out of that god-awful blue speedo from Friday the 13th?

And Marie's pick: THE GAY BED AND BREAKFAST OF TERROR

Sadly, a lot of LGBT cinema is comparable to porn; low production value, bad scripts, awkward, robotic acting, and lots of sex. But, just as porn can be quite enjoyable, so can some of the god-awful flicks that make up LGBT cinema.

One such film for me is The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror (2007). Yeah, that’s actual title of the movie, and boy is it terrible.

This extremely low-budget indie film by Jaymes Thompson (who?) is about five different couples that are all in town for the biggest party of the year. Unfortunately, they all forget to make reservations so the lot of them ends up at a creepy, isolated bed and breakfast run by a Margaret White-like Bible-thumping woman and her sexually repressed daughter. Little do the new tenants know just how deep their hostess’ prejudice runs, until they begin to drop like flies—when they’re not hooking up, of course.

Oh yeah, and I won’t forget to mention the weird half-slug, half-human child named Manfred that they keep in the attic. That’s the best part!

You can probably imagine just how bad this movie is without me telling you, but the 110 minute travesty to filmmaking consists of all the elements I ran down in my introduction: shit script, acting, sets, cinematography, and a half-assed plot that is distracted by all the film’s unnecessary sex scenes.

But don’t you for a second forget that I’m writing about this film because I enjoy it. I rented it from Blockbuster because of the ridiculous title and ended up having a night full of riotous laughter when I showed it to my friends. Honestly, I’ll show it to whoever will watch it because it is just so damn hilarious.

A redeeming quality of The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror is its self-awareness. The filmmakers had to have known they were making a ridiculous movie, and they probably had a really fun time doing it, which makes it that much easier for you to have fun watching it.

You can be a serious horror fan and still love the goofy, campy ridiculous genre films that are out there. I watch so many brutal, violent films that sometimes I need a break! That’s when I pop in The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror.

Halloween 2013: Guilty Pleasures Week ~ Shrooms & Freddy VS. Jason

Christine's pick: 
 SHROOMS

While I have already written about Shrooms many years ago, I don't think I ever touched on the fact that it is most certainly a guilty pleasure. I mean, a film about a group of people going to Ireland to find a mushroom that will provide them with hours of psychedelic fun doesn't exactly seem like it could function as a horror movie, does it?
But in this particular case, it does.

Tara and her friends are taking a break from college and travel to Ireland to hang out with Jake, a local who knows just where to find the right kind of mushroom to pick and have fun with later. He takes them foraging through the dark Irish woodlands, and (of course) they split up to do some shroom-searching! Even though Jake has explained the difference between good and bad fungi, Tara mistakes a deathcap mushroom for an edible one and consumes it.  She has very bad reaction (natch) and it culminates with the ability to have frightening, violent premonitions that appear to predict the future.

To make matters worse, the group ends up camping near the ruins of an old orphanage, which naturally boasts a very dark past. Jake knows the ghastly legend and scares the shit out of the group as they hang out in the evening around the campfire. Combine this with the psychedelic tea they made with their mushroom stash and what you get is a bunch of college kinds who are high as kites and scared to death. Wonderful combination. When they start dying one by one, it's as confusing for the audience as it is the movie characters.

What works about this film is that you can't be sure if the mushrooms are causing bad dreams and visions or if the violence that we are seeing is actually happening.  Add to that the whole horrific legend of the children's home, and you've got a lot to be scared by.  The lines between reality and the imagined are blurred here, and though I think that is what the director was trying to achieve, in the process it can be a befuddling mess, and I therefore understand the disdain the film has acquired.
But the imagery here is really astounding. The creepiness of the dark woods, made even more unsettling by throwing in the ominous legend of the children's home, and the fact that it is a foreign country for most of the students - it just feels tense and disconcerting.  And hey, any film with a talking cow is alright by me!

And Marie's pick:
FREDDY VS. JASON

My siblings are all 10+ years older than me, so while I should have been watching Disney and Pixar flicks I was climbing up on the couch with them to watch slasher films. Essentially, I have them to thank for this unhealthy horror obsession I have today. I was introduced to a variety of unsavory characters at a young, impressionable age but two stuck with me. Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger. Put them in a movie together, how am I NOT supposed to like it?

In 2003 it had been 9 years since the last Freddy Krueger film; needless to say the people of Elm Street had just about forgotten about that weird guy who kills people. Meanwhile, Freddy’s getting super bored in Hell and wants to come back and terrorize the town. The best plan he can come up with is to awaken Jason Voorhees and convince him to get the party started and then he can return once they remember ol’ Freddy.
“Versus” movies are extremely cheesy, and most of the time they are fucking awful. I’m not saying Freddy vs. Jason is an exception to that, but I am obviously partial to it given my blood-splattered childhood. At the same time I also genuinely, unabashedly enjoy this piece of shit.

Freddy Krueger is known for his laughably bad dialogue, and it didn’t get any better in 2003. A kill in a Nightmare on Elm Street film isn’t complete without a one-liner from Freddy. As I mention in my article on Urban Legend, if a movie has Robert Englund in it, I’m pretty much sold. He came back to play his iconic role at age 56!! How awesome is that?!

Freddy vs. Jason is riddled with flat characters, gratuitous sex and unnecessary violence but sometimes it is okay to indulge in something awful. It is also perfectly okay to enjoy yourself while doing so, as long as you know what you’re doing is wrong. I know that watching this movie is almost like committing a crime against humanity, but Freddy vs. Jason is so awesome that I just don’t care.

Halloween 2013: Guilty Pleasure Week ~ I Still Know What You Did Last Summer & Urban Legend

Here at FWF, we always want to celebrate our favorite time of the year with something special. The last few years have showcased our love of lists - and while that is great fun, it is incredibly time consuming and leaves us little time to enjoy the season and the plethora of offerings that other blogs, websites, magazines, movies and television have to offer. Hence, we are still commemorating the holiday with a series of posts, a different theme each week.  And our first theme is GUILTY PLEASURES!

Back in 2011, I did a post of nine of my guiltiest pleasures. You can read that HERE. But I got to thinking about several other films that fit that bill, and so this theme-week was born.  Marie has joined me and picks some of her own movies, so we present two-a-days - two films each day that though we should be embarrassed for liking, we aren't!  And we'll tell you why!

First up: Christine's pick:
 I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER

This teen-scream flick from 1998 is the sequel to the popular (and similarly named) I Know What You Did Last Summer.  And while it's basically a poorly conceived and fairly trite movie, I just love it.

Julie James (Jennifer Love Hewitt), having miraculously survived the wrath of one Ben Willis (a disgruntled  fisherman with a deadly hook) in the first fright-fest, has been suffering from nightmares since her return to college. When her roommate Karla (Brandy Norwood) wins a weekend in the Bahamas off a radio show contest, she convinces Julie to go with her and her boyfriend Tyrell (Mekhi Phifer), and tells Julie she should ask Ray (Freddie Prinze Jr.).  Ray declines, claiming he can't leave work, but in reality he is miffed because Julie won't come home to Southport to spend any time with him. He reconsiders later and heads to the Bahamas on his own to surprise Julie with a ring and proposal.

Meanwhile, the island-bound trio becomes a quartet when Karla, realizing Ray is not going, gives her final ticket to a friend of theirs, Will. Though pissed at the blatant blind date fix-up, Julie still decides to go.

Once on the island, the group quickly learns that they have landed in paradise at the start of the rainy season, and worse than that, a hurricane is expected soon. (This is so ridiculous, that they would be allowed to stay there with a horrific storm blowing in!). They try to make the best of the stormy situation by drinking and partying regardless, until people start turning up dead and they realize that Ben Willis has returned with his hook and a vengeance unsurpassed.

The guilty pleasure factor here is obvious.  It's a slasher film with very little originality that is unimproved from the first installment and really brings nothing new to the table, except maybe an uncredited Jack Black playing the ganga-smoking island beach bum. We do get the always awesome Jeffrey Combs as the hotel manager though. But besides that, not much to really recommend.  Then why do I carry a torch for this teenage slash-fest?  I have absolutely no idea. Perhaps it is just the fisherman himself, as the old urban legend of the "man with a hook for a hand" is one of my favorites. I also really love the music in both the "last summer" movies. The soundtrack has some great tunes, none better than Lamb's Gorecki.  Sample that greatness right here: 




And Marie's pick, another nineties slasher: URBAN LEGEND

The same answer applies to both of these pressing questions: Why do you love urban legends if you know they aren’t true? And: Why do you love Urban Legend when you know it is so bad? The answer is that they are both so damn fun!

I really do love urban legends. They have a certain sensation attached to them. You think of them being told around a campfire, or on a rainy night. Everyone’s got one, and although they’re usually pretty stupid, they’re always fun to listen to. To me, this is also true of the 1998 slasher flick Urban Legend directed by Jamie Blanks.

Alicia Witt stars and the unbearable Natalie, a college student who finds herself in the middle of a very grim situation. All of her friends are being slaughtered by a mysterious hooded figure, and all of their deaths follow the storylines of common urban legends.

The acting is pretty horrible, but the characters are even worse; they are one-dimensional stereotypes spurting out generic lines. Also, Tara Reid has one of the most terrible crying-face in the history of cinema. However, all of this is made up for by the appearance of the one and only Robert Englund as the professor who teaches a class on urban legends. I have so much love for that man, and if you put him in your movie you get automatic praise from me.

Thankfully, the pacing is good enough to take you through the film without scratching your eyes out. The plot line is dotted with unexpected twists (okay, debatable) and the admittedly entertaining slaughter of youths.

Like I mentioned before, I love the vibe of this movie. It’s a fun, mindless film that I love to throw on during a rainy night when I want to relax and have a few laughs at the filmmaker’s expense. If Jamie Blanks seriously thought this movie was going to be genuinely thrilling, or even scary, he was sadly mistaken. Even so, I am happy with the results.

Halloween Festival Of Lists: October 9: NINE Guilty Pleasures

At some point I had to admit it, right?  Which movies that are, for the most point, fairly awful - and yet still have a way of making me tune in.  It's hard to imagine why some of these films are being watched by anyone, but it's rather humorous when horror fans discuss what movies they love and hate - and which ones are decidedly awful no matter who's watching them.  But the following films are the ones that I still pull out (because yes, I own all of them on DVD!) and throw in the DVD player when I'm feeling nostalgic.

 House of 1000 Corpses (2003)


A while back, when I was busy getting into Rob Zombie's music, I thought 'Hey! This guy's making movies, too.  Should so check that out!' 
And I did.  Bought it sight unseen.  Was under ten bucks I'm sure or I wouldn't have been that brave. 
Let's just say that while watching it, my eyes were wide open the entire time, my jaw dropped as well.  I can remember after finishing it thinking, 'what the hell was that I just watched?'....and you know what?  I still have no idea what I watched.  But I liked it.  In a perverse, sick kind of way.  It's like watching an overly long, extended Rob Zombie music video.  But I love Dr. Satan and Captain Spaulding.  And that Firefly family? They are cuckoo for CoCo Puffs. Wow.  But something in that hour and a half 'video' keeps me coming back.  And no, I still have no idea what.

  Queen of the Damned (2002)


I get a whole lot of grief for this one.  And I'm aware why.  It sucks.  Big time.  And I know this. 
I'm a big Anne Rice fan, and when they cast Interview with the Vampire and chose Tom Cruise (!!) for Lestat, well let's just say that was worse than yellow jackets at a picnic.  So when they chose Stuart Townsend for Lestat in this picture, I have to say I was a bit relieved.  Not that he's awe-inspiring in it, or even decent, to be honest.  I just hated Cruise in that role so bad. 
And though it's not really nice to speak ill of the dead, I disliked Aaliyah here as well.  The whole film is pretty ridiculous, really.  But Townsend is pleasant to look at and I love the scenes in the cheesy vampire club, as well as the music - the soundtrack (both score and songs) is one of my favorites.

 Dracula 2000

Speaking of vampires, here's one most people hate as well. 
With Gerard Butler playing the Count and the storyline merging the story of Judas Iscariot with the Dracula storyline,  it really is one of the most ridiculous vampire stories out there. 
But did I mention Gerard Butler is playing Dracula?  Um, I don't care if he can't act his way out of a paper bag, he's freaking sexy.  Exactly what one would want if indeed they were trying to score with the tall, dark, and undead.
I'm also a huge fan of Christopher Plummer (though I bet he could kick himself in the Canadian ass for this one), and having him play the descendant of the famous Dr. Van Helsing..well, the casting department got lucky there, eh?
Even more prone to self-ass kicking should be Wes Craven, who has his name above the title for producing this stinker.  But hey, he's done that before (Cursed, I'm talking to you!).
All in all probably one of the worst vamp films in the last couple decades, but hey - the music was decent, it was fairly stylish, and again I say: Gerard Butler. Damn.

The Return (2006)

Here's a movie nobody saw.  But I did, and for an unknown reason I liked it.  First things first, the music score is by one of my favorite composers, Oscar winner Dario Marianelli.  It is one of my favorite movie scores and is still in stock on Amazon and at iTunes.
The movie itself surrounds the story of a young woman (Sarah Michelle Gellar) who has avoided going home to her small Texas town because she is haunted by something in her past that she can't quite remember.  She's troubled by it, plagued with nightmares, and sees visions of people and places she can't explain.  Finally having to go home due to her work, she has to confront the past head-on, and is surprised by what she finds out.  It can be confusing and quite slow at times, but I'm still drawn to it.  Maybe it's just the music and Gellar's presence, I don't know.

House of Wax (2005)

The original 1953 House of Wax with Vincent Price can never, EVER be topped by this worthless sequel.  There, now that I have that out of the way, I have to explain the reason this film is on this list.
The cast, sans Paris Hilton of course, is actually pretty strong here. I'm a fan of Supernatural's Jared Padalecki, and also think Elisha Cuthbert and Chad Michael Murray pull off a reasonably good job here.
But the film itself isn't great.  It's known mostly for Paris Hilton's graphic death, of course. 
Besides watching Padalecki get his wax on, I loved the ending when the titular house of wax is burning down and all that goop is everywhere, melting gruesomely to the ground.  Pretty gross, and that is why I still consider it a guilty pleasure.

I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)


Ha! It's true! I love this movie!  I shall not tell a lie. Jennifer Love Hewitt and Freddie Prinze are....well, shall we just say you can tell that Ryan Phillippe was going to be the actor of the bunch.  Gellar gets by okay but her character is so unlikeable that it doesn't count for much.  Anne Heche is in here too, in a bit part that screams 'yep, I'm totally as certifiable as you think I am!'
My favorite part of the film is the opening.  It's very stylish, with the cover of Summer Breeze (Type O Negative) playing as the camera sweeps over the dark ocean, then the winding seaside road, and on to the poor chap on the cliff....wait...what's that I hear??  Hey, that's pretty good stuff.
And yes, I know the movie morphs into a teen slasher flick with nothing but a reason to showcase Hewitt's ample bosom, but I have a soft place in my heart for the fisherman with the hook.  Perhaps the old urban legend about the guy with the hook for a hand weighs in here, marring my judgement, but either way, I'm in for the long haul.  And I freaking love this soundtrack, passionately, which in case you didn't notice, means a great deal to me when dissecting films.

Mary Reilly (1996)

This film is critically panned, and with very good reason.  It's pretty darn awful.  This bizarre take on the classic story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is nothing if not peculiar. 
Julia Roberts was totally miscast, can't get her accent right to save her life, and is truly at her most unattractive here.  John Malkovich, as the enigmatic Dr. Jekyll and his creepy counterpart, is actually rather painful to watch.  He emits such a kooky and somewhat repelling vibe that it's almost frightening in and of itself.  The guy is weird (Malkovich), I get that. 
But this film is just a hot mess.
So why on earth do I not only like it, but own it?  Because I love bleak period films.  I thrive on them.  They make me happy on a rainy afternoon.  And this crap-fest fits that bill. 
Here's a trivia tidbit.  Tim Burton was originally set to head up this film.  I can only guess how much better it would have been.
But then again, I think perhaps I could have made a better film.

 Rest Stop (2006)

I get a heaping load of grief for this one, too. And truth be told, it's also pretty bad.  But I've always loved road horror.  I realize movies like Joy Ride, The (original) Hitcher, and even Duel are far better examples of this sub-genre.  But sue me, I like this piece of dreck.
Plot:  Guy and girl stop at rest area.  Guy is kidnapped by crazed serial killer driving a yellow (yep, yellow) pick-up.  Girl can't find guy. Girl desperately tries to keep yellow truck killer from doing his worst.
Bleeecck!
The acting is substandard, to say the least.  The killer never really does anything except drive a yellow truck and show up every now and again to terrorize the girl in the rest area.  There's a wacky family in a camper that have no point whatsoever. The twist ending isn't twisty at all and falls really flat.  And shan't we forget...freakin' Joey Lawrence plays a cop!  Wow, there really isn't anything right with this picture. 
But still...I own it.
I think the only thing worse than the fact that I own it...and actually enjoy it....is that they made a sequel!  Ahhh!

Soul Survivors (2001)


Simply the worst.  Really, really bad. 
But hey!  Eliza Dushku is in it!  As is Wes Bentley and Casey Affleck, both known to be decent actors on occasion!  So what happened here? 
In the plot, a young college girl is responsible for the death of her boyfriend in a car accident after driving drunk.  Even though her friends try to help her through the depressive funk she is in, she starts having hallucinations and believes she is being stalked by masked killers. And oh yeah, Luke Wilson plays a priest.
Seriously.
There is very ominous and bleak imagery in this film, and I suppose that is what has always attracted me.  There is a gothic dance club that is in the ruins of a church and I have to say is darkly delightful.  I would have loved that kind of place as a teen.  So basically, the script is senseless but I can't stop staring at the sets. 
But I have to say I wouldn't recommend this film to anyone.  Sadly, it is utterly dreadful.