Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Can you believe this??

Get this:

I read, just today, that a newly formed production company is remaking The Exorcist - with Dakota Fanning in the Linda Blair role, Nicholas Cage as Father Karras, William Shatner as Father Merrin, and Sharon Stone in the Ellen Burstyn role.

Apparently they are set to start filming in Phoenix, Arizona the beginning of this summer.
Yeah, Phoenix should really be able to sub for Georgetown, right?
My burning questions, I mean the ones that are keeping me up at night, are:

*Do you think the house will be an adobe?
*Will they call "Captain Howdy" Mr. Spock instead?
*Are there rats in Phoenix? If so, will she hear 'rats' in the attic or lizards on the patio?
*Will Regan still utilize a Ouija board or will they use drums, flutes, and chanting to conjure Pazuzu?
*Will Regan's mom perform a strip tease including a chair for her dinner party instead of singing?
*Will Father Karras still fall down a flight of steps, or will he somehow turn into Elvis and sing the devil out of Regan?
*Will Regan use an ice pick in lieu of a crucifix to do those nasty things to her dainty parts?
*Will Father Merrin try to get Regan and her mom a hotel room instead of staying at home to face the demons? I'm thinking Priceline, here folks.
*Will they still use pea soup or will it be a concoction made of peyote cactus?
*Will Regan still pee on the carpet or will Dakota stipulate no bodily functions will be used in the making of this film.... well, there goes the vomiting as well.
*And will Regan actually even be possessed in this version, or just out of her mind at having to listen to Nicholas Cage's monotone voice for two hours?
I don't know who is set to direct it, but I suppose someone like Uwe Boll will get the honors.
I shudder to think.

Can you imagine even re-making this classic film?
It's like re-doing Casablanca with Jessica Alba and Keanu Reeves! YIKES!

By the way, April Fools.