Octoberfest Five: 5 Puzzling Unsolved Crimes

~by Marie Robinson
Unsolved crimes are as interesting as they are disturbing. It is often the bizarre details, as well as the open end, that makes them so haunting. These five mysteries are sure to intrigue, frighten, and tug at your heartstrings, for behind each crime we must never forget there is are victims and their families, who must live in a terrible state of limbo.

1. Tara Calico 

Tara Calico, a 19-year-old girl from Belen, New Mexico, vanished on September 20th, 1988 while on a bike ride. Before leaving, Tara told her mother to come pick her up at noon if she hadn’t arrived back at home yet; when she failed to return, Patty Doel (Tara’s mother), drove along her daughter’s normal bike route but contacted the police upon finding her missing. The only thing that was found that day was pieces of Tara’s Walkman and cassette tape. Several witness claimed to have seen Calico riding her bike, and a few of them even observed a Ford pick-up following her, although none of them assumed Tara to have been abducted. This pick-up truck has never been located.

There were no leads on the case, and nothing new to report until June of the next year, when a disturbing Polaroid photo was found in the parking lot of a drug store in Port St. Joe, Florida. The picture was found in a parking space where a windowless white Toyota van had been parked, and then driven away by a man with a mustache. The photograph was of a teenage or slightly older girl and a young boy, both gagged with black tape over their mouths and their hands seemingly tied behind their backs. Although no was entirely sure, it was believed that the girl in the photo was Tara, and the boy was another missing child from New Mexico named Michael Henley; however, Michael Henley’s remains were discovered in 1990 several miles from the campsite his family was staying at his time of disappearance, so it is unlikely that the boy in the picture is him.

It was never firmly decided that the girl in the photograph was Tara, but two other Polaroid’s of a similar unidentified girl have turned up over the years, but they have never been released to the public.
Several sightings of Calico were reported in the first two years of her disappearance, but none of the sightings have been confirmed and there has been no further evidence towards her case.

2. Hinterkaifeck Farm Massacre 

Equal parts brutal and bizarre is the case of the Hinterkaifeck Farm murders, which involved the killing of an entire family with a mattock (type of pickaxe). The Gruber family was made up of father Andreas, wife Cäzilia, their daughter Viktoria, and her two children—a daughter also named Cäzilia who was seven-years-old and a son named Josef who was two. Their maid, Maria Baumgartner, was on her first day on the job on March 31st, 1922; she was only employed a few hours before she was murdered along with the rest of the family.


The Grubers’ were a wealthy family that lived on a Bavarian farmstead around 40 miles north of Munich. Although they were solitary they were well known among the locals. Andreas was said to have been abusive to his wife and had an obsession with his daughter Viktoria, who was widowed. It was even rumored that her child, Josef, was the result of incest, and that Andreas forbid Viktoria to marry again and made her stay in the house. Viktoria was well liked among the community and she was known for singing in the church choir.


The family had also had an unusual run with their previous maid. She had claimed to hear footsteps and disembodied voices in the attic, and believed the house to be haunted and eventually left out of fright. Their new maid, Maria, was hired six months later.

Strange things began to happen at the farmhouse a few days prior to the murders. The first occurrence was after a snowstorm; Andreas was checking the property for damage when he found a set of footprints lead from the woods up to the house, but there was no set going back. However, upon a thorough inspection Andreas found no intruder. Andreas also told the locals about hearing footsteps in the attic, finding a set of scratches on the barn’s lock—as if someone had tried picking it—and a set of keys going missing. He never alerted the authorities about any of these peculiar happenings.

On March 31st, 1922 the Gruber family, along with their maid Maria, was murdered with single blows to the head and discovered by the townsfolk several days later. Andreas, both Cäzilias’, and Viktoria were found in the barn, stacked on top of one another and covered with hay. Investigators believed that they were lured one by one to the barn, where they were then killed. Maria and little Josef were killed in their beds and were each covered, respectively, with a sheet and one of his mother’s skirts.

Even stranger was that although locals hadn’t seen the Grubers’ in several days (which is the reason they went out searching for them), it had appeared that someone had been living in the house. Smoke had been seen coming from the chimney over the weekend, one of the beds had been used, and the animals had been fed and taken care of, and none of them had been harmed, including the family dog that was tied up. Locals had only started to become curious when Viktoria had not showed up for church on Sunday and little Cäzilia had not come to school on Monday.

 No real evidence was found and no suspects were ever confirmed. The family was buried in Waidhofen, though disturbingly enough without their heads, as they were sent to Munich to be analyzed and examined by clairvoyants. The farm was demolished in 1923.

3. Elisa Lam 

This is one of my “favorite” unsolved cases because of how absolutely bizarre it is. Elisa Lam was a 21-year-old Canadian student who was traveling the West Coast on her own. She was planning on visiting San Diego, Los Angeles, Santa Cruz and San Francisco, but never made it past L.A where she stayed at the Cecil Hotel. The Cecil was already a tainted place by a previous unsolved murder, several suicides, and visits from serial killers Richard Ramirez and Jack Unterweger.


Elisa was keeping in touch with her family, and was supposed to contact them on the day of her scheduled checkout, January 31st, 2013; when she didn’t, Lam’s family contacted the LAPD and flew down to California to help search for her.


Several weeks went by without a trace of Lam, although hotel staff had seen her on the day of her disappearance, but had not seen her since. An employee at a nearby bookstore had seen her on January 31st, and commented that she was very friendly and lively.


The next bit of evidence would surface on February 14th, through the hotel’s surveillance video of one of the elevators. The video was from February 1st, and shows Lam entering the empty elevator by herself and presses several buttons on the control panel. I won’t describe the whole video to you, but I highly recommend you watch it HERE, as it is one of the strangest and most unsettling pieces of footage I have ever seen. Lam’s behavior in the elevator is very concerning, and some people believe it displays a psychotic episode (Lam was medicated for bipolar disorder and depression), others indicate that she is hiding from a pursuer.

Around the same time, guests at the Cecil were complaining of low water pressure and oddly colored and tasting water. The cause was investigated and Elisa Lam’s body was found in the one of the water tanks on the roof of the hotel. She was found naked in the tank, with the clothes she was wearing in the surveillance tape floating beside her. Pathologists ruled the death as an accidental drowning and found no evidence of suicide, physical or sexual assault, or any recreational drugs or alcohol in her system.


However, it is highly unlikely, if not impossible, that Elisa could have gotten in to the water tank unassisted. The only ways to access the roof are through doors and stairs that are locked with passcodes, and that will set off an alarm when tried. These security measures could be avoided if one were to take the fire escape, but it seems unlikely that Lam would have this knowledge. The tanks, themselves, are 4-feet-high and have no fixed ladder or step on them, and when inspecting the water in response to customer complaints, the staff had to bring up them own ladder to inspect the inside. Lastly, the tanks are covered with heavy lids that would have been very difficult to replace from within.


There are tons of theories on Elisa Lam’s death, both compelling and juvenile, but what truly interests me about this case is the video. It’s downright creepy, and not knowing the whole story behind it, is truly terrifying.

4. Who Put Bella in the Wych Elm? 

In 1943, an unidentified woman was found in the hollow trunk of a tree (specifically a Wych elm) by four boys who were hunting on the estate of Hagley Hall in Stourbridge, UK. One of them had climbed up into the tree to look for birds’ nests, but when they looked down into the trunk they saw a human skull with hair, but since they were trespassing on the property they told no one. Eventually, one of the boys, named Tommy Willetts, felt guilt about keeping their discovery a secret, so he told his parents, who then reported it to the police.


When police returned to the tree they found a nearly complete human skeleton with a few fragments of cloth and a gold wedding band. A hand was missing but was found buried at the foot of the tree. She was believed to have died of asphyxiation as they found taffeta shoved in her mouth, and guessed her to have died around October 1941. With all the people reported missing during World War II it was impossible to identify the woman, and no real suspects were established.


The name came from a prostitute who was said to have gone missing around the time of the woman’s supposed death, and thus the skeleton was dubbed, “Bella”.


What gives this cold case a little quirk is that it generated a string of reoccurring vandalism in the form of graffiti, with the first appearing in 1944. The words “Who Put Bella in the Witch Elm?” appeared throughout London up until 1999, a message from those who wish to see Bella find justice and peace.

5. Charles Walton 

 Charles Walton was a 74-year-old farmhand from Warwickshire, England. He lived with his 33-year-old niece, Edith whom he adopted after the death of her mother when she was three. Charles lived a solitary life, and though he had no friends he was not disliked, although he did have a reputation for being a witch, and was feared by some villagers. The area in which Charles lived, Meon Hill, was rumored to be haunted, and had a heavy presence of phantom black dogs roaming the woods.


Charles did various jobs for a local farmer named Alfred Potter, and he set out on February 14th, 1945 with a pitchfork and a slash hook to continue working on a hedgerow at Mr. Potter’s farm. When Charles did not return home that evening, his niece, Edith, went out the farm to look for him, bringing with her a neighbor of theirs named Harry Beasley.


When they got to the farm they found Charles dead beside the hedgerow, killed by him own belongings. He was beaten over the head with his own walking stick, his slash hook was buried in his neck, and the pitchfork stabbing him through the neck and pinning him to the ground.


Walton’s murder was believed to be a part of a ritual or sacrifice, but his murder was never solved. Alfred Potter, the farmer, was questioned heavily, but never arrested, and Walton’s mysterious and grisly killing just added more folklore to an already haunted region, and a warning to locals to shy away from witchcraft.

Octoberfest Five: 5 Reasons Not To Go Camping, Backpacking or Hiking

In a horror film, camping has long been the kiss of death as far as taking a vacation or just getting away for a long, relaxing weekend.  We've all seen Friday the 13th, The Burning, and Sleepaway Camp, and those are just a few of the settings that make us wish we went to the beach instead (though that comes with its own risks....Da-Dum, Da-Dum!).  But let's take a look at five good reasons to just stay home and pitch a tent in your backyard instead.

Backcountry

1) Mother Nature And All Her Furry Friends:   

People really shouldn't camp in areas where there are big effing bears.  I don't know how much clearer we need to be about this.  It's almost like you deserve it when you head off the beaten path and end up in a bear den.  In Backcountry, that's exactly what happens.  A couple heads off for a romantic weekend (of course!) at a park where he spent many a good time at as a youngster. He's familiar with all the trails, and there's a super-cool site with a waterfall and...yadda yadda yadda.  Naturally, they get lost and are served up for a extra-large black bear's afternoon snack.

The Canyon

Movies like Grizzly, Into The Grizzly Maze, and The Edge also have folks setting up camp in the strike zone.  I guess we'll never really learn.  Even naturalist and "bear expert" Timothy Treadwell (subject of the documentary Grizzly Man) was dealt the ultimate hard lesson when camping out with bears - he and his girlfriend died of a fatal bear attack in Alaska, all the while thinking they were "friends" with the half-ton beasts.  In The Canyon, a couple on their honeymoon decide the best thing to do is hike deep into a canyon with a tour guide.  Seems relatively harmless until the guide gets bit by rattlesnakes and dies....leaving them with no map, no guide, and not nearly enough common sense.  And as if it's not bad enough to be stuck in a desert canyon, the wolves come a' callin'. 

Wrong Turn

2) The Cannibal Problem: 

 Why does it seem like there are an awful lot of cannibals in movies?  I realize they are extremely frightening - because everyone's greatest fear is being eaten alive, no matter who's the eater, man or beast.  In Wrong Turn, Jessie's friends convince her to go camping/hiking in order to get her mind off a broken heart.  The five of them head into the wilds of West Virginia but on their way end up in a wreck with someone passing through.  Chris is a medical student in a hurry after being detoured and he accidentally crashes into the other car, which they find out has been disabled due to running over barbed wire placed strategically on the road for just that purpose.  They band together to look for help but end up running into blood-thirsty cannibals whose names are simply the best in all of horror: "Three Finger", "Saw-Tooth", and "One-Eye". Gotta love it. 

The Hills Have Eyes

In The Hills Have Eyes (both the new and old versions), a family takes their travel trailer on a camping vacation, only to take an ill-advised alternate route and end up crashing, leaving them stuck in the desert.  But they're not alone.  A truly bizarre and inbred family of cannibals track their every move, and eventually make their lives a living hell until the relatively bleak ending. These are just two examples of people purposely camping in places they are unfamiliar and running into the local yokels turns out to be the biggest mistake of all.  And we shan't forget The Descent, in which a group of women intent on spelunking end up at the mercy of humanoid cannibals in an endless, extremely claustrophobia-inducing cave. 

Friday the 13th

3) Just Effing Crazy, That's All!  

 There is an absolute laundry list of films that have a crazed killer hunting down every last camper and making them pay for whatever reason they claim to have.  The granddaddy of them all, Friday the 13th, set the stage for tons of similar movies:  The Burning, Sleepaway Camp, Just Before Dawn, Campfire Tales....let alone the countless sequels to a few of these flicks...and we're way into double digits.  When someone just kills for no reason you can think of, it's terrifying.  So to see a killer stalking camp counselors or even the youngsters themselves, well....let's just say if I had a kid they wouldn't be going to summer camp.  (Though I did every year and didn't turn too bad - except this obsession with horror.  Hmmm.....  My favorite of these types of movies is the original Friday the 13th.  Way back in 1980! But I first saw it in junior high school so it's like an old friend ! In it, a group of cam

p counselors are tasked with getting ol' Camp Crystal Lake in working order.  But it turns out a young mentally inept child drowned in the lake because the counselors were getting it on and weren't watching Jason.   So your main rule of thumb when working at a camp:  DON'T HAVE SEX.  Cause these killers are apparently not getting any and are pretty pissed off about it. 

Eden Lake

Sometimes, it doesn't matter what you do, people are just fucking nuts.  In Wolf Creek, a trio of friends go backpacking in the Australian outback and meet up with Mick Taylor, whom they later find out has intents on killing them for fun, and proceeds to do so. 
Another more recent favorite of mine, Eden Lake, brings us the tale of two lovers who escape to a beautiful lakeside camping area for the weekend and instead have a nasty run-in with a bunch of local delinquents.  They have loud music and a barking dog and basically make the couple miserable.  Intending to report the brats, Steve (Michael Fassbender) finds things get even worse, with the gang now set to torment them and actually cause them bodily harm.  It's a brutal, unforgiving thriller and one you should see if you haven't already. 

Cabin Fever

4) Don't Drink The Water:

 Presenting a different type of horror to contend with, Eli Roth's Cabin Fever brings us yet another bunch of college-age kids that are headed to the woods to have some spring break fun.  The group has an incident with a homeless man in which one of them shoots him unintentionally.  He doesn't die right away and later comes back to the cabin to ask for help, looking really out-of-sorts.  The group refuse him and somehow during a struggle, the dude ends up on fire.  What they don't know is that said hermit has contracted a disease of some sort and has passed it on to the group by vomiting blood on them.  But it's too late because one by one they contract the deadly infection and most end up succumbing to the inexplicable malady.  It's probably more obvious to the audience that it is most likely Necrotizing Fasciitis (a.k.a. flesh-eating bacteria).  It's a little closer to home than most horror in the woods kind of movie, as this is something that strikes fear into the heart of most men, and you can learn more about this horrific disease HERE. Please just remember you don't have to be in the woods or camping to get that one. Gah!

 

The Blair Witch Project

5) Witches and Monsters and Deadites, Oh My!!

The Blair Witch Project ruined camping for more than just a few people, I'm sure.  I didn't even want to go in my basement, let alone out in the woods to pitch a tent. When Heather, Mike and Josh set out into the woods of Maryland in search of a local legend, you know something bad is bound to happen.  Some of the most tense moments of this film are when the trio are inside their tent, listening to whatever is outside the tent.  Breaking the found footage sub-genre wide open, it doesn't have the same punch if you watch it a second time, but that first experience is killer. 

The Barrens

Another urban legend gone wrong is seen in The Barrens.  Richard  (Stephen Moyer of True Blood fame) takes his reluctant family camping in order to get back to nature (the idea is to relinquish cell phones as well) in the Pine Barrens of southern NJ.  Not only do they run into what appears to be the Jersey Devil, but Richard's mental health weirdly deteriorates.  Fun stuff.  In An American Werewolf in London, Jack and David are backpacking through Europe and find themselves face to face with a werewolf who proceeds to pass his curse on to our American pals.
And probably the best loved and most well known of all "cabin in the woods" flicks is The Evil Dead and its sequel, Evil Dead II.  While not literally tent-camping in the woods, this film still gives us the tense atmosphere of a group getting together for fun and love and instead being berated, chased, and killed by Kandarian demons brought forth by an evil incantation. Spring break turns into the deadite apocalypse. 

Seriously people, next time head to the beach.

Octoberfest Five: Sunday Bloody Sunday

PENNY DREADFUL

HAZMAT

SINISTER 2

FEAR THE WALKING DEAD

THE GREEN INFERNO

Octoberfest Five: 5 Wonderfully Creepy Music Videos

~by Marie Robinson

Songs tell us a story, and a good song will inspire visuals in your mind’s eye. If you’re like me, once you see a music video you can’t detach the imagery from the song, and every time you’re listened to it you think of it. This has ruined a few songs for me, and made many more special.

While all of these songs don’t necessarily contain horror themes, their music videos have the haunting visuals, references, and tones that us horror fans have come to love. Sit back and enjoy a few wonderfully creepy music videos.


1. “The Perfect Drug” by Nine Inch Nails 


While this list is in no certain order, this is my favorite on the list. Nine Inch Nails is one of my favorite bands and this song is dear to me mainly because of this video.

Directed by Mark Romanek in 1997, it was inspired by the illustrations of Edward Gorey (if you aren’t familiar with him, get wise!). The whole video is a gothic eyegasm, with Edwardian costume, a dark, gloomy Victorian mansion, and gorgeous exterior shots of hedge mazes, gravestones, and ivy-covered wells. It’s truly a shame that each shot goes by so quickly, for this world is one I would love to linger in.

Honestly, my only complaint is Trent Reznor’s mustache. Seriously, not a good look for you, Trent.



Nine Inch Nails: The Perfect Drug (1997) from Nine Inch Nails on Vimeo.


2. “Dr. Mabuse” by Propaganda


Directed by Anton Corgijn in 1984, this video plays out like a black and white Hammer film. It’s filled to the brim with Gothic imagery and themes of entrapment and Faustian vibes! All of this, of course, with a delightful 80’s touch.

“Dr. Mabuse” is a stunning example of chiaroscuro and is wonderfully creepy to boot.






3. “Only You” by Portishead 


Chris Cunningham is the king of creepy music videos; you can find a lot of nightmare fuel in his catalogue, particularly in his Aphex Twin videos. Picking one of those was too easy, though, so I decided on one a little more eerie.

Portishead are masters of creating haunting, atmospheric music and this video plays out like some kind of awful reoccurring nightmare, where you appear to live in some strange, underwater world and are constantly gazed down upon by unkind, distorted faces.





4. “Lullaby” by The Cure 


If you’re terrified of spiders like me, then this video is sure to give you the creeps. Robert Smith is not only the victim, but also his own tormentor, a “spiderman” who lingers in the high corner of his room. This video has the quality of childlike nightmares, from cobweb-covered tin soldiers, to the gnashing jaws of a giant spider.
 It was directed by Tim Pope in 1990.




5. “Wrong” by Depeche Mode 


You may not think “Wrong” fits this list, but it is a hard and fast ride, and so suspenseful you’ll find yourself forgetting there’s an (awesome) song playing in the background. This disturbing video finds a man trapped in a car careening backwards down a Los Angeles street. Bound and gagged, he is forced to endure the terror and unable to do anything to stop it.

Directed by Patrick Daughters in 2008.



Depeche Mode - Wrong from Depeche Mode on Vimeo.

Octoberfest Five: 5 Historical Masks

 ~by Marie Robinson


There’s something so unsettling about a mask. For me, it’s the fixed expression that really creeps me out. For some, it could be the overwhelming mystery about who it is behind that mask. Even so, this blog is dedicated to loving the things that scare us; so pull the blankets tight and indulge in these historical masks.

1. Visard

These masks were popular in the 16th century among wealthy women. There were comprised of an oval covered in black velvet with two eyeholes and a small bead on the inside for the lady to clench between her teeth. It would cover the whole face, and their primary use was for avoiding sunburn while traveling or enduring long hours outside, as to have pale skin was not only fashionable, but showed your class, as well.
The mask was made with no mouth so that it may increase the heir of mystery about the woman, although many found the accessory to be downright devilish.

2. Hannya

The Hannya mask has been used in various forms of ancient Japanese theatre, generally referred to as Noh. A program will usually consist of five Noh plays, usually dramatic stories accompanied by music, with Kyōgen, or comedic plays between each performance.
The Hannya mask is used frequently in Noh theatre, and represents a female demon, who has become that way due to jealousy or obsession. The masks’ dramatic array of expressions is supposed to represent the complexity of human emotions, and the actor may portray different emotions through different angles of the mask. Different skin tones mean different classes; a white-skinned Hannya mask represents a wealthy woman, red is for low-class women, and a deep red mask represents a true demon, who was never actually a woman although they at first pretend to be.

3. Plague Masks

I’m sure most of you are familiar with these, or have at least seen them; these are the masks of the French plague doctors in the 1600’s. Their whole costume, which was put
together with the idea of keeping the doctor from infection, consisted of a long overcoat, boots, gloves, a long smock, and, of course, the signature bird mask. The “beak” was stuffed with dried flowers and herbs, for at this time in history the doctors believed the plague was spread through bad (or “evil”) smells rather than germs. The doctors also carried canes so that may indicate and examine patients without touching them, and keep people away.
You can imagine how seeing someone walking about in this outfit would invoke fear, not only just from its unusually appearance, but also its association with sickness and death.

4. Splatter Mask

These bizarre masks were used in World War I for soldiers riding in tanks to protect their faces from shrapnel and splinters from the tank. The top half is goggles so that the soldiers eyes were protected but they could also see, and the bottom half is chainmail. There’s something about this awkward combination that makes the mask look primitive and unsettling. Definitely not something you want to come face-to-face with on the battlefield.

5. Death Mask

The name pretty much says it all, here. A death mask is a cast taken of a person’s face after they have died. They have been used for many different purposes, from identifying unknown corpses, painting portraits of the deceased, or simply a way of remembering the dead.
Some celebrities’ death masks include Abraham Lincoln, Napoleon, Beethoven, and Alfred Hitchcock.

Octoberfest Five: 5 Superior Horror Film Openings

JAWS
The first sequence in JAWS sets the tone for the entire rest of the movie.  It's an amazingly well-shot, terrifyingly brutal attack  - in which we never see the shark.  But that makes no difference whatsoever, as we grip the sides of our seat and find ourselves holding our breath as the great white pulls young Chrissy Watkins under.  Her dreadful screaming has us wanting to close our eyes as so not to witness the carnage that is surely imminent.  But then....silence.  The quiet lapping of waves onto the beach.  Death has come to Amity.




SCREAM
The first ten minutes or so of this Wes Craven thriller is an inspired, tongue in cheek ode to many of the past horror films it emulates.  Drew Barrymore was perfect in her short time on screen, and gave a little wink to Psycho by not only using the butcher knife but by killing off what we thought was the main star just moments into the film. Below is part one of the opening, but they follow in succession if you keep watching.
So what's YOUR favorite scary movie?




DAWN OF THE DEAD
In this super remake (wow, I don't say THAT too often!) from 2004, we find Ana and her hubby waking up to discover the neighbor girl has come over for a visit. However, she's not there to play Barbies.  The first several minutes of this flick are heart-pounding, spectacular panic.  It's not often that a film starts out so quickly and is so fast to shock the audience - but this one does, and it's bliss!





FINAL DESTINATION 2
While the first FD was really great - with all those crazy deaths - this opening sequence of the second film, to me, is by far the most impressive opener of the entire Final Destination series of movies.  The complexity of this highway accident is amazing - it is such a ferocious start to the film.  It almost has to be seen to be believed. Check it.





WHEN A STRANGER CALLS
This, to me, is the definitive horror film opening.  It possesses a subtle yet uncanny ability to make one's hair stand up on end.  It's every young girl's nightmare - babysitting in an unfamiliar house, and getting harassed by an unknown stranger to the point of extreme terror.  It speaks volumes about how to actually scare an audience, and many a filmmaker should look to this for a lesson in enigmatic dread.






Honorable mentions: Jeepers Creepers, Ghost Ship, Halloween, The Stepfather

Octoberfest Five: Wordless Wednesday

Octoberfest Five: 5 Annoying Horror Movie Tunes

While much of the music in horror lends a perfect, suspenseful tone, there are some songs you wish you'd never had to hear - not because they are THAT awful, but because that song is gonna creep up into your brain and never let go. Here are five of the most annoying songs heard in a horror movie...

 First up, from Dario Argento's terrific giallo, Profondo Rosso (Deep Red), a highly contagious yet unrelenting lullaby.  While it does make perfect sense within the confines of this film, to listen to it outside of its intended purpose is to torture oneself with the never-ending chorus of children la la la'ing their way into oblivion.  It will destroy you.


 

 Certainly a major plot point in Halloween III: Season of the Witch, this irritating, repetitive tune is played throughout the entire film, and triggers a horrible death to anyone wearing one of the Silver Shamrock Halloween masks. Just another gimmick by corporate America to slide us further into the abyss.  But if I'm being totally honest, as cool as the commercial is, it's equally as tiresome to hear over and over for 100 minutes.



Holy Jesus.  This song will never leave your head once you've heard it. Sung by the children from inside the school house about to be attacked by the titular menaces, it makes me want to have my eyes pecked out by crows too!  I would gladly give up my ears instead for their violent tendencies, if it meant I never had to hear "Risseldy, Rosseldy" ever, EVER again.




When Baby Firefly (Sheri Moon Zombie) lip syncs this truly aggravating song made famous in 1928 by Helen Kane, all I can think of is Ginger on Gilligan's Island singing it.  But even that doesn't help me get this godforsaken song out of my head.  In House of 1000 Corpses though, it kind of fits - everything about this film is excess and gore and completely over-the-top antics.  And I love it.  But not that song....never!!



It's possible I saved the best (worst) for last.  It's not that I have anything against Tiny Tim, but his voice really has got to be the most annoying perhaps ever.  However, in the context that it is used in the movie INSIDIOUS, it's absolutely terrifying!  I've included two examples from the film, the first is from a pivotal scene and is pretty damn freaky...the second just reiterates the fact that this may be, in fact, the most annoying song in the world.

Octoberfest Five: 5 Fab Men of Current Horror TV

The Creature - PENNY DREADFUL

While there are a plethora of really interesting characters on Showtime's ode to Victorian horror literature, when pressed I would have to choose the mournful and melancholy - yet extremely dangerous - John Clare, a.k.a. The Creature (Rory Kinnear).  His torturous existence by the hands of Dr Frankenstein has brought him nothing but confusion, sadness, and hardship.  Fitting into the world when you are essentially a monster has not been easy for our Mr. Clare, but there have been wonderful "normal" moments, particularly when he ound a friend in Miss Ives, reciting poetry and commiserating together about the cards they have been dealt.  The clarity of his anguish is ever-present, which makes his character one of the most intriguing and magnetic on television today, regardless of genre.

Bennet Drake - RIPPER STREET

Ripper Street is the one show you're not watching, but should be.  Set just a year or so after the Jack the Ripper case, it surrounds detectives working the Whitechapel beat, trying to deal with the sordid and horrific memories of the Ripper while attempting to keep up with the current state of dismal life in Victorian London.  With impressive performances from its three male leads, it was tough to choose one to highlight. But I feel the layers of Detective Inspector Bennet Drake (Jerome Flynn) make him the most interesting character of the lot.  As a former street thug who boxed his way into paying his rent and was married to a former prostitute,  he was devastated when his wife died.  Hence he rededicated himself to his career and tries to be the voice of reason of the three partners.  But sometimes that fails him and he has to take matters into his own, rough hands.  Falling in love again has helped steer him back on track, and his promotion in H Division has finally found him peace. He really is one to watch.

Daryl Dixon - THE WALKING DEAD

I'd be remiss if I forgot Daryl, and though he seems like a really obvious choice, I have to give credit where credit is due.  Daryl somehow ended up being the heart of TWD.  Fans adore him, enough to threaten anarchy if he were to be killed off.  With his trusty crossbow on his back, Daryl started out being a nasty redneck unsure of whether or not he wanted to fall in with the group and stick together. But once his brother Merle is killed off by zombies, he starts to come out of his shell and becomes a vital member of the core assembly of misfits fighting the walking dead.  These last few seasons we have witnessed true emotion from Daryl, as he grew close to Beth and lost her, and his almost inevitable relationship with Carol unfolds.  Brutal when he has to be, mysterious when he needs to be, and dependable - always.  For me, it's true when they say "If Daryl dies, we riot!"

Norman Bates - BATES MOTEL

I simply can't believe how much this show has grown on me in the last few years.  Psycho is one of my favorite movies (sitting at #2 with me and going nowhere soon), and Norman Bates is my favorite character in horror, hands down, so to expect a lot from another series plucked from Robert Bloch's masterpiece novel is asking quite a bit.  But the casting in this show is sublime.  Freddy Highmore as Norman is a revelation.  At this point of the series, he has everything down - the straight-backed walk, the nervous laugh, the stuttering speech, the uptight and agitated personality...and now he is morphing right into Anthony Perkins, with the last few episodes being his best yet.  When he does things like peeking into one of the motel rooms as someone takes a shower, hanging out in the basement perfecting his taxidermy, or when he gets up and makes blueberry pancakes at the ass-crack of dawn - in his mother's housecoat...he is Norman personified.  And I can't wait to see what's next!!

Tate Langdon/Kit Walker/Kyle Spencer/Jimmy Darling/James March
AMERICAN HORROR STORY

It may be a secret, but I'm letting the cat out of the bag.  I love Evan Peters. From the first season with the show playing a tormented and eventually homicidal teenager to his most recent turn on the Freak Show incarnation as "lobster-hands" Jimmy Darling, he transforms himself into someone different. Someone who always seems to have a heart of gold.  Even when he shoots up his high school in Murder House, he is still able to find love with the young Violet Harmon and shows an affectionate, yet melancholy side to his persona.  It's hard not to fall for the young Peters, able to warp into totally diverse characters and charm his way into our hearts. Even though he is seemingly playing a version of a monster in each season, you can't take your eyes off him in every scene - he's magnetic.  I can't wait to see how all the colors of his personality shine in AHS: Hotel.

Octoberfest Five: Sunday Bloody Sunday

DELIVER US FROM EVIL

THE GALLOWS

COOTIES

THE DAMNED

STUNG

Octoberfest Five: 5 Favorite Couples In Horror

While cute isn't a word one hears very often in horror, caring and affectionate couples do abound in the genre, because what is more horrific than a loving couple being torn apart or facing unthinkable strife?  It makes us more connected to the characters and certainly makes us emote more sympathy.  Here...five of my favorite couples in horror.

Martin and Ellen Brody.  Jaws. One of my favorite couples because of their carefree banter and obvious genuine affection for one another, evident in simple scenes when the two (Roy Scheider, Lorraine Gary) are on the beach together, waking up in morning, Ellen looking on lovingly as her husband and son have a moment at the dining table, and when the two are trying to relax after a long and arduous day with a bit of scotch and Ellen suggests "Wanna get drunk and fool around?" To which Brody answers quickly "Ohhh yeah'.  But their love is never more palpable than in the scene when they are together at the dock before Martin is about to "go fishing" with Quint and Hooper.  It's obvious they are both terribly worried about the fate of what's to come, and both seem to be rambling - her about him taking Dramamine and having extra socks and zinc oxide for his nose, he about not using the fireplace in the den because the flue isn't fixed.  They hug and Ellen runs off, unable to think about it any further as Quint rambles in the background.  Just a perfect, perfect scene.

Burt and Vicky. Children of the Corn.  Traveling together can sometimes be a couple's worst nightmare. And back in 1984 there were no GPS's to speak of, so maybe Burt and Vicky (Peter Horton, Linda Hamilton) wouldn't have gotten so damn lost in Gatlin if they'd be traveling in this day and age.  A new job as a Seattle physician brings the couple through Nebraska only to get caught up in a bizarre child-cult that follows "He Who Walks Behind The Rows".  After hitting a(n already dead) child who wanders onto the road, they are forced to stop in Gatlin to try and find help. The split up and look for the nearest phone.  Instead they find Issac, the young leader of the cult, and his lackey Malachai- the muscle with the sharp scythe. Intending to sacrifice Vicky to the mysterious supernatural force sends Burt into super-hero mode as he tries to rescue his love.  Best outward expression of their affection is at the very beginning of the film, when Vicky serenades Burt in bed with her best American Idol audition...in her underwear.

John and Laura Baxter. Don't Look Now.  This highly influential thriller is famous for the "did they or didn't they?" love scene between stars Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie. Perhaps because every scene they are in together just reeks sexuality and love, it was easy to assume the duo had something going on behind the scenes, and whether they actually did or not remains to be seen.  But within the confines of this movie, the characters of John and Laura seem every bit the loving married couple. It's a beautifully shot film and besides the over-analyzed sex scene, there are little moments of affection everywhere....when they are having dinner together, dressing for a night out, walking the streets of Venice...even though the couple has come to Venice to try and overcome the death of their daughter in an accidental drowning, they are able to push through their grief together and still be the number one priority in each others lives.  Whereas some relationships buckle under the weight of such a tragedy, John and Laura's only seems to be stronger.

Oskar and Eli.  Let the Right One In.  Sure, they haven't been a couple all that long, but they are in it for the (very) long haul.  When they first meet, Eli (Lina Leandersson) warns Oskar ( Kåre Hedebrant) that they cannot be friends. But sometimes these things just have to run the course they are meant to, and the two become very close.  When Eli finds out Oskar is being bullied at school, she encourages him to stand up for himself and in turn inspires him to fend for himself.  Even after finding out that Eli is not your average girl, Oskar is still not put off and has every intention of helping Eli with her strange nocturnal activities and inhuman predilections. Eli returns his loyalty tenfold when the bullying becomes unbearable, inevitably making it impossible to stay in town.  The film closes with Oskar traveling by train with a large chest and finds him tapping morse code words to Eli, hiding inside from the darkness.  True love knows no boundaries.

Steven and Diane Freehling.  Poltergeist.  While this film really isn't one of my favorites, there's no denying that Steven (Craig T. Nelson) and Diane (JoBeth Williams) are a match made in heaven, or hell for that matter.  After all, nothing says I love you like pulling you out of the dark side. They think they are living in the perfect suburban paradise when things start to happen....crazy things...and soon the next thing you know this perfect couple is in perfect hell, fighting to get their daughter out of a paranormal portal to hell.  The lengths they go to to save their kids and each other is pretty legendary as far as marriages go. And just when they think it's safe to get back in the water (bath water, in Diane's case) - the two discover they have awakened something even more horrifying, and it will take all their strength as a couple to make it through alive.  This certainly makes them the most hard-luck duo on this list, but whether they're smoking weed in bed or fighting off the titular spirits, they are in it together.

Octoberfest Five: 5 Favorite Horror Cackles

Usually when people are laughing in a horror film, it's not a good thing.  Here are five prime examples.

My Bloody Valentine (1981) is a favorite of mine from waaaay back, and the cackling laugh at the end right before the credits roll is a sublime and truly special one. The example below contains the credits song as well, The Ballad of Harry Warden - which in itself is one of the best end credits tunes I may have ever heard.



While The Wizard of Oz isn't exactly horror, that damn Wicked Witch of the West sure knows how to evoke fear into the hearts of man. She is one nasty customer, and as a child I could hear that cackle in my dreams for days after the movies yearly presentation (yes, it used to be on just once a year!). "I'll get you my pretty...and your little dog too!!" Gah!!



Thriller is probably the best video of all time. And what horror fan would argue with that, with it having one of the kings of the genre making a guest voiceover at the end! Vincent Price's laugh at the very end of the Thriller video is priceless (sorry, had to!) and gave the video extra street cred with genre fans! If it's been a while since you've heard it, have a listen! (This is just the laugh - you can watch the whole video pretty much anywhere!)



Amusement is a little-seen film that while not a superior horror flick, does have a few moments of genuine creepiness (that clown!!!) - and one raving mad serial killer with a crazy-ass laugh. Take a listen:



But my favorite loony laugh comes from the hilariously over-the-top fan-favorite Evil Dead II. As Ash fights the deadites, suddenly everything becomes uproarious. As Ash watches, the deer hanging on the wall starts laughing....the the lamp....the books on the shelf.....the curtains on the window....until finally Ash busts a gut too. If you're not laughing by the end of that scene, there is something wrong with you.

Octoberfest Five: 5 Favorite Dark Roles From Kevin Bacon

Kevin Bacon has a prolific film catalog, and for a horror fan he seems to show up in typically dark films more often than most actors of his generation.  I've loved him since Friday the 13th (1980), and thought it prudent to include him in my list party this October.  So I present, my five favorite Kevin Bacon films.

Since I'm only talking horror and its offshoots, I won't be listing Diner, A Few Good Men, Footloose, Mystic River and My Dog Skip - all of which he was great in.  And it was really hard to choose just five in the genre, let me tell you.  He's done a ton of "bad guy" roles and with his most recent film, Cop Car, it seems he has no desire to stop. 

Friday the 13th, while notably one of my favorite horror films, did not land on this list simply because there really wasn't much for Kevin to do except run around in a Speedo and get lucky with Marcie. Likewise with Tremors.  I know it is a fan-favorite but I have an aversion to any type of worm, making movies like it, Slither, Shivers, Squirm and any other slimy scum impossible for me to watch!

I've also not added The Following simply because it is television and not film. But yeah, he was great in that, too!

These roles have a little more meat on the bone.  Again please remember this is not meant to be a "best of" list - it's an opinion list!!

Stir of Echoes

My favorite of all of Kevin Bacon's films, Stir of Echoes came out around the same time as the mega-hit The Sixth Sense and was largely ignored at the box office, which is a damn shame because I actually think it is the better of the two.  It's certainly the more atmospheric film. Based on a story by Richard Matheson, it tells the tale of Tom Witzky, a blue-collar man who agrees to be hypnotized at a block party in a Chicago neighborhood.  His somewhat wacky sister-in-law easily puts him under and later, Tom begins to experience confusing, violent visions of an assault on a local mentally challenged teenager.  The visions become more terrifying and as Tom searches for answers to the mystery of what happened to the girl, thus he makes it an obsessive mission to uncover the truth -  turning an average joe into an unhinged mess.

Flatliners

One of Bacon's earlier films also features a young Julia Roberts and several other stars of the day.  While Billy Baldwin is pretty difficult to watch because he is so annoying, the film doesn't lose much because of it.  Five medical students are trying to find out what happens after you die, so they conduct experiments on each other by stopping their hearts to attempt to induce a near-death experience.  Which they do.  Except each one of them has visions of disturbing early childhood experiences that linger well into their waking lives. Bacon plays Dave, the student that seems to have the most conscience and ultimately the one who decides that to stop the terrifying visions, the group needs to remedy the wrongs that each committed in their childhood to end the medically induced after-life terrors.
Flatliners is a creepy little film, and one that needs re-visited if it's been a while since you've seen it.

Wild Things

While not entirely horror, the seedy - almost ranuchy- feel of this thriller makes it a perfect addition here. Bacon plays Detective Ray Duquette, assigned to investigate the assault/rape of two high school girls - rich bitch Kelly Van Ryan (Denise Richards) and a girl from the other side of the tracks: Suzie Toller (Neve Campbell) - by a local high school teacher, Sam Lombardo (Matt Dillon).  Duquette has suspicions that all is not as cut and dry as it seems, and ends up getting tangled up in a salacious web of deceit.
Lewd, crude, and altogether screwed, Wild Things is a pure guilty pleasure.  As is Bacon's full-frontal shower scene.

Hollow Man

This film lends a lot to the mad scientist feel as Bacon plays Sebastian Caine, a man hell bent on developing an invisibility serum.  The film has Academy Award nominated special effects, perhaps overshadowing Kevin's work as an obsessed maniac - a brilliant scientist devolving into utter madness. The movie didn't get the best ratings but it's fun for horror fans as Caine pushes the envelope further and further until there is no coming back to reality.  When the serum works, it's great.  But when it continues to work and cannot be reversed, Sebastian takes that as permission to walk around unseen - which, while it sound like a whole lot of fun, he takes it to a much darker place and begins a crime spree unmatched only by perhaps the original The Invisible Man.  It's fun, it's morbid, and it's completely over the top.

Death Sentence

In what may be Bacon's darkest role, he turns from a loving father into a vengeance-driven, cold-hearted killer. But as an audience we can completely sympathize with his sorrowful anger because the gang violence that started this eruption of anger is something that we all are aware of by just watching the nightly news. Nick Hume (Bacon) and his son Brendan are on their way home from a hockey game when they stop at a convenience store. Unfortunately a gang member initiation is also taking place and Brendan's throat is slit, killing him. Bacon's grief and eventual retribution are palpable, and his anti-hero is painful yet exhilarating. One of his most underrated roles, in my opinion.

Honorable Mentions:  Murder in the First, The River Wild, Trapped, The Woodsman