With True Blood season 5 underway, it’s been vampires 24/7 at my humble abode – which it generally is anyway but that’s beside the point. So I’ve come up with fourteen reasons vampires would make better boyfriends/husbands than werewolves…
Now of course in my head, the vampires are much more True Blood than Nosferatu, so do keep that in mind, folks.
|Now that's gotta hurt!|
2} That whole full moon thing would get really annoying. I mean, what if the two of you were enjoying a nice family (evening) wedding -or god forbid funeral – and the urge comes a callin’ and he suddenly starts sprouting huge teeth and loads of hair. Bit harder to explain than “why does your boyfriend always look so pale?”
|...and he dances, too.|
4} Okay, the howling aspect. While I don’t mind a guy being vocal during sex, I’m thinking the baying at the moon with a deranged look in his eyes might be a bit distracting. But maybe that's just me...
6} Dare I say the sunlight thing wouldn’t make a bit of difference to me. First off, I’m very much a night person, so the ‘up all night’ thing could be right up my alley. Besides, I’m a fairly independent person, and not having a man smothering me all day would be fantastic – leaves me time to myself. Lounge the day away undisturbed, catch a few winks, then spend quality time with the fanged wonder all night.
7} Supposedly, when a vampire bites you it can be utterly erotic if he allows it to be. Sounds good, right? When a werewolf bites you, it freakin’ hurts! That dude could rip off your arm, or worse! Plus the fact that he could be carrying rabies. So not cool. Vampires don’t spread disease. They’re dead, remember?
9} And I don’t like the “pack” thing. I’m an introverted loner myself, and finding someone like that is of the utmost importance. I’m not social, and prefer spending quiet evenings at home to partying till the dogs (literally) come home with a bunch of equally as annoying barkers. Hence, I choose vampires. Again.
|“Waiter, there’s a hair in my soup…”|
11} The bat thing. If we are to believe vampires are able to turn into a bat – or a wolf, or whatever else legend has us thinking – that really wouldn’t bother me because I actually like bats – I know, one of the few. But those little suckers (pun intended) kill tons of mosquitoes every hour and I hate those itch-inducing leeches.
|Now THAT'S what I'm talking about...|
Just think of the money they could make on the stock market these days!
Werewolves generally don't have two nickels to rub together. Why else would they be running around naked all the time, stealing old women's coats in the park when they wake up in a cage at the zoo? Bah! That crap about money can't buy you love... so not true.
13} Immortality. Werewolves are much more likely to get maimed, stabbed, shot, etc. For some reason, vampires seem more stealthy. And besides, it's a well known fact that vamps live forever (provided they don't meet the sharp end of a stick) and weres can only go so long...a few hundred years at best.
14} And lastly, can I just say I think vampires are sexier than werewolves? I just cannot get past the overgrown dog thing. Beastiality just ain’t my thing. All that damn hair!
I do, however, have one or two things to say about werewolves.