Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Celebrating SIX Years Of Fear: Six Horror Films I've Never Seen (That Practically Everyone Else Has!)

While I have seen a ton of horror movies, there are still some out there that I haven't put my stamp of approval (or disapproval) on.  The following are six films that I have yet to experience, some of which are pretty damn popular in horror circles.  But I need to know if they are actually worth my time, so anyone who wants to weigh in, feel free....

Well, it's possible I have seen part of this.  Either that or I have just seen the main Wishmaster dude in pictures and clips.  It actually looks pretty scary.  HE actually looks pretty scary, kind of like the Creeper from Jeepers Creepers.  But am I correct in saying this guy is a demonic genie? Does he have a bottle? How is he summoned? What does he want after you make your wish, and how many wishes do you get? Does he want you to do unspeakable evil? Does he want to take your soul to hell?  (Doesn't everyone these days?) And my most burning question remains:  how the hell did this movie get three sequels?

Why doesn't this sound like a horror film?  It sounds like a movie about a gang from the wrong side of the tracks or something.  Is it a film about vagrants?  Hookers?  Homeless people? I'm confused. I understand it has a huge cult following, but I'm just not feeling it.  The movie poster does nothing for me, and to be honest it looks really stupid. I know I will offend with that comment, but someone is going to have to list this film's merits and perhaps I'll give it a go.  I do respect all your love for it though.  Horror fans are eclectic and proud. So never fear, I won't make fun of you for appreciating it.

Here's another one I'm not entirely sure I haven't seen. Some of the 80's are a blur to me, and 1985 was one of those years when I did a lot of drinking after football games.  It's possible I may have subjected myself to this one at someone's sleepover, but I really can't be sure.  What is this about?  A rather ambiguous title, don't you think?  Any pics I've seen always has....well, stuff drooling out of their eyes and mouth, so I need to know just what the hell is going on before I take the plunge.  Please advise.

Hmm.... David Hess.  Must contain reprehensible, misogynistic material, right?  Let me guess...he's a career criminal that abuses, rapes, and kills women. Does it have a plot? Is there a reason to watch it, other than for completeness sake?  I know it's a Deodato film, so that gives it some credibility in horror circles, correct? It's one of the video nasties on "THE LIST" so I assume there's a ton of violence. Are there different versions, like a trimmed down, less violent one that I should avoid due to continuity problems? Do I really need to see this? Does it bring anything new to the table at all?  Or is it just a free-for-all kill-a-thon that I'd do well to avoid?

I've heard of this one, many times. I always thought it was a comedy.  Is it?  I'm not crazy about comedy in horror. (Unless it's as good as say, Shaun of the Dead or Young Frankenstein). When I found out it stands for "Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller", I knew it had to be ridiculous.  So I just never saw it. Avoided it like the plague.  Still have no desire to see it, even though it has some decent stars in it.  Am I making a mistake here? What actually happens?  How are these "dwellers" released from underground?  Is it an apocalyptic movie? Where do the CHUDs come from? Again, I'm just not feeling it.


Yeah, clowns just don't do it for me. Pennywise from IT scared me well enough, and of course the Poltergeist clown episode scarred me for life.  But sitting through an entire movie (because I can't call something with killer clowns in it a "film") full of the jolly - yet demented and murderous - idiots just isn't my idea of fun.  Can someone convince me otherwise? Why are these clowns in space?  Why does it take place in space, or doesn't it? Are the clowns intimidating? I'm guessing no, but perhaps I've got this all wrong. I'm afraid it's going to take a lot of convincing for me to waste my time with this one.


Anonymous said...

You should do yourself a favor and watch all of these. well you could probably skip Wishmaster but All the others are Gold!

Christine Hadden said...

I guess I will have to check them out....but I really don't know about the clowns. That would take a lot of convincing :)

Chase said...

I have to give a shout out for The Stuff. Its an interesting commentary on the tobacco industry. There is some schlock comedy in it, but since I think the whole point of the movie is satire it is not too terrible. It does however have some pretty creepy scenes and a hint of lovecraftian overtones.

Matt St. Cyr said...

Each and every one of these films is worth a watch at least once.

Wishmaster - The first and best of the series. Andrew Divoff is fantastic as the ancient Djinn. There are some creative deaths and the makeup effects are quite good. Plus Robert Englund is in it.

Street Trash - A strange film to be sure, but well worth a watch if for nothing else than the multi-colored deaths of hobo's after drinking the Tenefly Viper. Also the Monkey-In-The-Middle-Penis sequence is right up there on the WTF list.

The Stuff - Call it Invasion of the Body Snatches meets The Blob. Bad acting, wonky 80's special effects. This is a perfect Friday night flick with some pizza and beer.

The House On The Edge Of The Park - It's your typical David Hess film. To be honest, this is my least favorite of the group, but it's not a bad film.

C.H.U.D. - Cannabalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers. Mutated sewer people with glowing eyes! Just like The Stuff....it's pure 80's gold.

Killer Klowns From Outer Space - My favorite film on the list. This film has a pretty wicked sense of humor. It does a good job of mixing the Invasion of the Saucermen style aliens-invade-small-town feel combined with the ridiculous premise of hostile extraterrestrial klowns. Balloon dogs that hunt humans, popcorn guns, cotton candy cocoons.....this film has got everything. Don't miss the scene in which a klown devours a group of people using shadow puppets! DO NOT miss this film! Trust me on this one! I will be outright shocked if you don't like this movie!

Michella Sarah said...

The only one i've seen is Killer Klowns, and i'm really terrified of clowns. But it's a pretty fun movie.

The concept is so far out (the clowns have popcorn-guns and kill people by making them into candyfloss) and it never takes itself too seriously. If you have coulrophobia, the clown can be a bit creepy but truth be told, the costumes and masks are so fake-looking that you can't help but laugh anyways.

It's been a few years since i've seen it, but as far as i remember, it only takes place on earth and in the clowns circus-tent/spaceship :)

Marvin the Macabre said...

“It’s the combination of homage to classic horror movies and classic horror monsters, but it’s also this satire, this commentary on us and what we find to be fun and innocent and important, if you will. This movie is about anarchy.”—

Brian Herzlinger on Killer Klowns from Outer Space

From the book The Best Film You’ve Never Seen: 35 Directors Champion the Forgotten or Critically Savaged Movies They Love

If you don't like comedy in horror, you might want to avoid it, but otherwise track it down immediately. I avoided it for years, but had a blast when I finally saw it. You've got to have a taste for the ridiculous though.

DrunkethWizerd said...

Pure insanity! Well, Wishmaster is a guilty pleasure and not classics like the others, but I did see it in the cinema. Street Trash, you should see first as it is toadally awesome. House by the Edge of the Park is sexually exciting. And The Stuff, well after that you won't think about sex for a year.

Eve Tushnet said...

I can't speak for any of the others, but The Stuff is enormously fun. If you want a VERY lightly spoilerous review I talked about it here. Admittedly I truly love '80s horror, and The Stuff is... really, totally, to the max, '80s horror. But it's worth giving it a shot I think.

Christine Hadden said...

Wow, I guess I've got some homework to do! Thanks everyone for your comments! I'll let you know what I think about these six trailblazers!

Nigel M said...

House on the Edge of the Park- House invasion film, tries to include some social commentary in the form of some message about class. It is not as cheap looking as some in the genre. Best thing about it is Giovanni Radice's unforgettable disco dancing. Italy made a lot of this sort of film, some are quite good and quite clever- House of Yellow Carpet, Hitch-Hike (sort of remake of Polanski's Knife in the Water in a Car) and Late Night Trains stand out of the pack, Deodato's House doesn't its mostly genre thematic exploitation that bids up the violence a notch,

Christine Hadden said...

Hey Nigel, thanks for stopping by. I will be checking out House on the Edge of the Park, and thanks for the additional suggestions. I trust your opinion implicitly, so I'm excited to check out those other titles!