Haunted Roads: The Lore (And Lure) Of Ghostly Byways

~by Marie Robinson

There’s something that I love about driving down a spooky old road. No streetlights, just two walls of thick, dark forest pressing in at either side.

 Countless roads like this exist, and many of them come with their own urban legends and ghost stories. While we could probably list a dozen for each state alone, I’ve tried to find a few of the creepiest haunted roads in the world for you to think about next time you take the long way home.

A75 Kinmount Straight 

The A75 is a 95-mile stretch of two-lane road that runs through Scotland. Since it’s establishment in 1923 it has obtained the reputation of Scotland’s most haunted road. However, most of the activity is concentrated on a fifteen-mile stretch between Annan and Dumfries, called the Kinmount Straight. 

The first recorded sighting seems to have been in 1957, when a truck (lorry, if you’re from the other side of the pond) driver believed he hit a couple walking hand in hand down the road; but, when he stopped the vehicle, he couldn’t find a trace of the two figures. This sort of thing is most commonly reported, phantom people appearing in front of cars and then vanishing upon “impact”. Disturbing as it is—especially for the driver, who believes they have just killed a person—that is far from the strangest experience to have occurred on Kinmount Straight.

Perhaps the most bizarre story from the A75 was that of drivers Derek and Norman Ferguson, who were going down the Straight at midnight when a chicken flew at their windshield, but—like all our other apparitions—disappeared upon impact. This was seemingly the start of a terrifying string of apparitions, which included an old woman waving her arms, a screaming, long-haired man, and a pack of assorted animals, including dogs, goats, big cats, fowl, and “stranger creatures”. The two brothers stopped the car, which had begun to sway back and forth. Once it stopped, they pressed on, only to be met with one more spectre—a furniture van that came speeding toward them only to, you got it, vanish.

That certainly isn’t the sort of story you hear everyday, but it’s just a normal evening on the Kinmount Straight. There have been many “unearthly creatures” sighted on this infamous road, as well as eyeless ghosts and shrieking hags. Parades of disheveled and medieval dressed people pushing handcarts and carrying bundles, like troupe of vagrants misplaced in time, have been seen at night.
The Kinmount Straight has become famous for its bizarre and frequent activity, and like any paranormal hotspot, it has also become a haunt for local legend-trippers and paranormal investigators.

     Clinton Road 

New Jersey fascinates me because despite its proximity to the Big Apple, it has vast expanses of untamed forests. Clinton Road stretches across ten miles of such territory, giving it the perfect setting for an abundance of ghost tales.

The drive is a lonely one, and passes only several houses, some of which look uninhabited and rather foreboding. There are also several ruins along the route, both of which claim folktales. The first is a little anti-climactic; the remains of an iron smelter from the 1800’s. It’s been out of use for centuries but many people claim that it’s not entirely abandoned; there have been reports of witchcraft and ritualistic gatherings at the structure. It has been infamously mislabeled as a Druidic Temple, and superstition has painted it as a dangerous place to be at night.

Another strange ruin is that of Cross Castle, a mansion built in 1905 by a man named Richard Cross. Several years later it was consumed by fire and all but destroyed, and that’s seemingly all that is known about the place, making it somewhat mysterious. It is accessible by way of hiking trail, and those who have made the trek to the dilapidated castle have reported satanic scriptures painted on the walls and people coming away with unexplained bruises.

One of the most popular legends surrounding the road is that of “Ghost Boy Bridge”, where a child allegedly drowned and now haunts the spot. The legend is that if you throw a coin into the water, it will be tossed back at you by the child’s spirit.

Many “ghost cars” have been seen on Clinton Road; one is of a Camaro driven by the ghost of a girl who supposedly died in a crash in the 80’s. Another more sinister apparition is of a big black truck that races up behind you and flashes it’s lights (BEATNGU style) and chases you to the end of the road. Additionally, people have seen floating headlights seemingly attached to no car at all.

A final legend surrounds that of a now closed Warner Bros. theme park called Jungle Habitat. The park opened in 1972 and closed only four years later, on Halloween weekend (spoooooky!) The park—which was much like a zoo, consisting of roughly 1,500 exotic animals—became infamous after several attacks on visitors and rumors that several of the animals had escaped into the surrounding woods.

The buildings still remain in Passaic County, as do the myths of bizarre and dangerous creatures roaming the forests. Many who have driven down Clinton road or explored the surrounding land have told of seeing horrible creatures, believed to be hybrids of the escaped animals from Jungle Habitat.

Perhaps the only confirmed macabre event is that of a corpse found on the side of the road in 1983, a victim of Richard Kuklinksi, a contract killer dubbed “the Iceman” after his method of freezing a body to throw off investigators when determining the time of death. It is possible that this victim’s ghost still haunts the woods surrounding Clinton Road.

Perhaps the most horrifying of all, Clinton Road is also known for having America’s longest traffic light wait, which can have a motorist frozen in a state of agonizing suspense for up to five minutes…

Zombie Road

About a forty-minute drive outside of my hometown of St. Louis, nearly swallowed by the thick woodland, lies an old dirt road that has earned the sinister (and admittedly a little cheesy) moniker of Zombie Road. Once known as Lawler Ford Road, historians speculate that the path was formed by Native Americans to access a passable part of the Meramec River, which runs very close-by. Over time, it became a very highly used road, and, even, in the 1950’s, a lover’s lane. Since then teenagers have been passing around various ghost stories about the road, which has since become impassable to cars and is only accessible by foot or bicycle.

Zombie Road may have gotten its nickname from urban legends of a mad serial killer who lurked in the woods to pick off the lovers who parked there at night. It is also believed to have its share of ghosts; one such being the spirit of a man who was struck and killed by a train on the now defunct tracks that run beside the road. Another is that of a little boy who fell from the bluffs that close in around the road, and drowned in the Meramec River.

There are many tales of an old insane asylum—or sometimes, an orphanage—hidden in the woods. Another phantom building is supposedly that of an old house at the dead end of the road, where an old woman resides and will fly out of her house shrieking to chase off anyone who approaches.

Many have claimed to see “shadow people” (see Christine’s article HERE) as they walk through the forest; so many, in fact, that it inspired a local documentary called, “Children of the Grave”, which aired on SyFy.

Perhaps the most common reports are the disorienting effects the road will have on people. Some have said that the road will never look the same twice, that it may seem longer or shorter each trip, or give off the feeling that it may never end at all. People commonly have the feeling of being watched, or being followed—hearing a second set of footsteps keeping up with theirs from beyond the tree line.

The once infamous road has become heavily patrolled by local police, so anyone looking to catch a glimpse of a ghost may instead be met with a slap on the wrist.



If you enjoyed this article you may want to take a peek at our list of Haunted Bridges!

Halloween 2013: Road Trip Horror: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre & House of 1000 Corpses

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) and House of 1000 Corpses (2003) are two very different films yet have many similarities.  They both start out with a road trip and end with the maniacal actions of a deranged family. So it's kind of a demented daily double, if you will!

In Tobe Hooper's film, Sally Hardesty, along with her boyfriend Jerry, her brother Franklin, and a couple of other friends, are driving to a cemetery in east bumfuck Texas to check on the grave of Sally's grandfather. There have been reports of vandalism and grave robbing so the group makes it a road trip with intents to check out the previous home of the Hardesty family while there.  On the way they pick up a hitchhiker - as was common back in the 70's - but soon find that the hitcher is a bona fide freak-show. He blabbers about working at the local slaughterhouse and how his family likes to make and eat head cheese...until everyone is about as uneasy and disgusted as you can get.  When he lights a photo on fire inside the van and then cuts himself with a razor, the gang throws him out of the van.  It's not going so well..

Already the road trip from hell, when Sally & co. reach the old homestead, the couple of the group decides to explore the grounds and end up finding a house. Once they venture inside, the most gruesome of fates await them in the form of one Leatherface (Gunnar Hansen) and the rest of the hitchhiker's deranged family.  When the others come looking, they too are subjected to various horrors-- not the least of which is a bloody chainsaw.

The vision of final girl Sally, hopping into the back of that pickup and making her escape from the insane family, is one of sheer terror - and her laughing echoes through the head of anyone watching it.  It seems fairly unlikely that Sally will be taking any more road trips any time soon.

In House of 1000 Corpses, Rob Zombie introduces us to the Firefly family, a psychotic bunch of loonies that take great pleasure in kidnapping unsuspecting travelers to their house of horrors and treating them to a rousing visit with the infamous Dr. Satan.

When Jerry, Bill, Mary, and Denise are traveling around looking for additions to a book of weird roadside attractions that they are compiling, they come across Captain Spauling, the proprietor of a gas station that doubles for a museum of monsters and mayhem, which boasts a "murder ride".  Naturally Jerry and Bill drag the girls on the carnival-type dark ride, getting a tour of various famous murderers including Ed Gein, Albert Fish, Lizzie Borden, and local legend Dr. Satan.  After the ride, the quartet leave the gas station, invigorated by its bizarre atmosphere. As in Tx. Chainsaw, they too pick up a hitchhiker, this time in the form of the beautiful Sheri Moon-Zombie, playing the giggling Baby Firefly.

Soon, as in most films of this type, they get the obligatory flat tire (I'd love a count of how many road horror films have the car actually break down - has to happen in 75% of them!) and Baby offers her brother's assistance. He lives right down the road...just a little ways.

At the Firefly residence, again as in Tx Chainsaw, the group is subjected to horror after horror by the madcap (and totally unbalanced and murderous) Fireflys.  Baby's brother, Otis (Bill Moseley), has designs that don't just border on bizarre, they are completely crazy. He enjoys making weird works of art out of body parts and screaming in their faces about Dr. Satan finishing the job.

Both these films are cautionary tales in their own right, meant to scare the shit out of people and hopefully keep you from 1) picking up hitchhikers  2) exploring places that you should just leave well enough alone and 3) hitting the road to look for trouble.  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a genuine classic, banned in several countries upon its release, yet not nearly as bloody as other films of its time.  It's a road trip to hell from which there is no return. And House of 1000 Corpses is a psychedelic trip to the outer reaches of sanity, complete with clowns, mermen, and a murder ride. Not exactly the vacation you were hoping for...

Halloween 2013: Paranormal Documentaries ~ Believe It, or Not?

~by Marie Robinson
 
It’s impossible not to be curious about the afterlife. Death is inevitable, but what comes next is still inconclusive. Everyone has their theories, their beliefs; some have playful curiosity while others have their own solid ideas of certainty. 

In modern society, ghosts may seem like a silly and immature concept, and while many people do still “believe” in ghosts, it can be a sensitive (no pun intended) subject. The fact of the matter is we don’t know what follows death, and the documentaries I’ve listed below entertain but one possibility…

SCARIEST PLACES ON EARTH (2000-2006)

I’ve put my favorite of the lot first. This television show is part reality TV and part documentary, ALL PARTS AWESOME. Hosted by Linda Blair (The Exorcist), who would present some horrifying place, usually old mansions,sanatoriums, and castles. After a sinister synopsis of the haunt, they would then send a family in to survive the night. The frightened family would wander from room to room in total darkness with night-vision cameras strapped to their heads. Some examples of the places that werevisited are Waverly Hills, the Catacombs of Paris, Leap Castle, and the Stanley Hotel.

My two favorite episodes were called “Urban Legends” and “Urban Legends 2”, which used more of a documentary style. In these episodes they would visit the locations of some chilling urban legends, such as the Pine Barrens and Bunnyman Bridge.

But the best part of Scariest Places On Earth—it’s narrated by Zelda Rubinstein (Poltergeist)!!

THE AFTERLIFE INVESTIGATIONS (2010)

This documentary film, written and directed by Tim Coleman, focuses mainly on “the Scole Experiments”, which is a body of supposed evidence of the afterlife collected by a group of psychics. The group consists of fourpsychics, who conducted their experiments in the Scalevillage of Norfolk, England. Their “proof” was so astonishing that it caught the attention of many other psychics, as well as scientists, and members of Society for Psychical Research.

The documentary examines their various experiments, which involve séances, spirit photography, mediumship, and more, and gives a thorough overlook of their alleged evidence. Some of the psychics’ claims are so outrageous and strange they are hard to believe. However, it is an interesting film, and very meticulous with it’s detailed account of the Scole Experiments. It can also be a bit dry, so I would only take a look at it if you are very interested in the paranormal.

Last time I checked this title was available on Netflix.

THE LIFE AFTER DEATH PROJECT (2013)

This documentary came out just this past May on Syfy channel. It’s about Forest J. Ackerman, founding father of Science Fiction (he even coined the term), or, rather, his ghost. Paul Davids, filmmaker and friend of “Forry’s” for half a century directed this film about the unexplained experiences he began having after Ackerman’s death. Mysterious ink blots and messages through a computer are a few of the occurrences that Davids believes to be communication from Ackerman’s deceased spirit. Other veterans of sci-fi speak on the matter, such as Whitely Strieber (Communion), and Richard Matheson (I Am Legend).

The film does venture outside of the fore-mentioned topic a bit, with some other discussion of theories and experiences of life after death. It’s an intimate and eye-opening example of some unexplained phenomena. Matheson was very interested in life after death, and now that he is passed on I wonder if he will be pestering Mr. Davids, as well!

CHILDREN OF THE GRAVE (2007)

I heard about this little indie documentary while I was researched a St. Louis local legend. The legend would be that of Zombie Road, two miles of narrow dirt road that curves through the thick old-growth forest beside the Meramec River.

Children of the Grave  was directed by the Booth Brothersand aired on SyFy. It follows a team of ghost hunters as they explore several haunted location, in search, specifically, for the ghosts of lost children. Zombie Road is only one of the places explored, as well as the Devil’s Woods (Pennsylvania, I think?), an abandoned asylum and a cemetery filled with unmarked graves.

While the film is very low budget, the filmmakers and all involved are extremely passionate about their field of work, and if you share a strong interest in the paranormal, this could be an interesting and informative documentary. I hear there is a Children of the Grave 2 now!

HAUNTED HISTORY (1998-2001)

While I may not have gotten the highest marks in the subject, I do love history; and history and ghosts go hand in hand. Such, of course, is the subject of the History Channel’s series Haunted History. Although a UK version exists, I’m just going to talk about the US version since that’s the only one I’ve seen.

Each episode would have a theme, usually covering a state or region, with the exception of the episode dedicated to “Haunted Ships”. The narrated historical overview is dabbled with first-hand accounts and the inevitable cheesy dramatic reenactment, but the show is awesome, and the perfect way to get your macabre history lesson!

Editor's note: Haunted History was revived again in 2013 on H2 (The History Channel's sister station) and while still interesting, it lacks the charm of the previous series and relies more on conjecture and hearsay, leaving it more of a ghost-hunters-type series than the former show.

Breathers: A Zombie's Lament

Breathers: A Zombie's Lament rides in on the undead coat tails of Max Brooks' World War Z, and anyone enjoying that book ought to be delighted with this one.
A delicious black comedy, its witty prose had me in stitches practically the entire time I read it. And let's be honest. With the wild influx of vampire novels lately, it is rather refreshing to have a book solely dedicated to the rotting flesh of the zombie.

Poor Andy. All he wants is a little respect. A bit of common courtesy isn't asking too much, right? He didn't mean to wake up in the mortuary and wander off just twelve hours prior to his funeral. And he can't help it he's a zombie.

After all, his wife died in the car accident that maimed his left leg, rendered his left arm useless, and covered him with stitches that decorate his face like a road map. And damn, he can't help it he smells like decomposing flesh, has taken to sporting makeup, and wears a dry erase board around his neck in order to communicate with others because he lost his voice.

After his accident, his parents had to pick him up at the SPCA. He was caged like a forgotten animal, but these are the breaks in life for the undead. They paid to have him released and moved him into their wine cellar, where he samples expensive Cabernets and Chiantis ('cause white's just not his style) on a daily basis while watching reruns of Walker, Texas Ranger on his 32 inch TV and daydreams of a better, more meaningful life. (Life?)

Unable to see his daughter who thinks he died in the accident, Andy instead writes morbid haikus and attends Undead Anonymous group therapy. He has a regular cast of weirdo zombie friends, one of which - Rita - he has become entirely smitten with. Rita is a fairly recent suicide victim gone wrong, having woke up after slitting her wrists and throat and bleeding to death. (Guess we all can't be lucky enough to die even when we want to.) Andy watches Rita with great interest, intrigued by the turtlenecks covering her scars and the fact that she sucks fingernail polish off her freshly painted fingers just to get the formaldehyde flavor. And much to his great joy, it seems Rita has a hankering for him as well.

Meanwhile, Helen -the group therapist- continually puts forth phrases to support and encourage them, such as 'Find your purpose' and 'Accept your reality'.

Being a zombie is a dangerous predicament though, in particular when wandering the streets like some cast off from a George Romero movie. Generally, people repeatedly curse and throw food & drink at the undead on a regular basis - mostly just for fun. But on occasion, things devolve into violence and a zombie can be attacked and even dismembered. If one is lucky, perhaps only an arm will be stolen by a slap-happy frat boy.

Andy soon becomes disillusioned with his mundane existence and wants to prove there is more to him than rotting flesh.

While in the midst of a "zombies are people too" campaign, he meets Ray.
Ray, also a zombie, treats him and his friends to a delectable delight he calls Ray's Resplendent Rapture. Canned venison, actually. But for some reason, it makes Andy feel better. Matter of fact, he and all his friends feel considerably more perky and have a bigger zest for life (so to speak) than they'd had before. Even Andy's voice begins to show improvement.

The group begins taking more chances - walking alone at night on the streets, going to a frat house to retrieve a lost limb belonging to one of the group, and Rita and Andy begin a clandestine affair that turns their whole world around.

Breathers is outright funny - hilarious at times - but also has a poignancy you wouldn't dare expect in a book about zombies. Despite the fact that Andy is decomposing and looks like someone out of Dawn of the Dead, you find yourself ardently rooting for him. Hoping he can change his life and make a difference. Taking a chance that at some point, the undead will have the same rights as everyone else and not have to worry about taking a walk without having a Wendy's Frosty slung at them or be decapitated on a fraternity dare.
You, as the reader, dare to imagine him leading a normal existence and have happiness with Rita, his zombie lover.

Biting wit marries with emotional heartache and feelings of depression here. You find yourself feeling sorry for Andy. But he doesn't want you to. He wants someone to understand, and continually mentions this. "If you've never woke up under a sheet on an autopsy table, you probably wouldn't understand."

All he wants is to be afforded the same benefits as a living human breather. To have a life.

I enjoyed this book immensely. Hardly a page went by that didn't have a comic interlude that made me laugh out loud. But again, I felt so damn sorry for Andy at times -he felt like a brother to me.
I'll be anxious to see what else this author can come up with. His next novel is apparently a dark comedy about fate and destiny due out in November this year.

The author's website: S.G. Browne

Buy it here.

A Decade of Debauchery: My Favorite Films of the 2000's...

Oh, I tried. I tried not to cave to my inner list-maker. Everyone is doing best and worst of lists for the decade, and all of them have been so good - such great picks.
But when push came to shove, I couldn't resist the urge to put my two cents in. But I decided to do mine a little bit differently. As opposed to making a flat-out 'best of' list, I've taken it upon myself to categorize my favorites. Favorite monster flick, favorite J-Horror, etc.

So here goes. And like BJ-C explained in her kick ass post, these are my favorites - not a best of list. Obviously there are more critically acclaimed as well as perhaps more beloved films out there - as well as some that are wonderful but I have yet to see, so- these are movies I appreciated, delighted in, and flat-out loved.

Favorite (and come on, Best) Vampire movie: Let The Right One In (2008)



Let's get this unsurprising choice out of the way right now, as it should come as no shock to any horror fan to find this on all the 'best of' lists of the decade, including mine. The subtle brilliance of a stark cold winter, an utterly terrifying sense of dread, and a sweet yet tragic love story gives us the definitive vampire movie of the decade. And just what does happen to a vampire if you don't invite them in? Find out.

Runner up: 30 Days of Night (2007) - Because it's a great concept, and the vampires were friggin' nasty! Not a twinkle or sparkle to be seen.

*Favorite Monster film: Splinter (2008)



I really can't stress how much I like this movie. I don't even know if it had an actual theater release, but it certainly deserved it. Two couples who are at first enemies change their tune and work together to survive when they discover something rather disturbing at a service station/convenience store. Simple yet effective, with great acting all around and a considerable assemblage of gore - including an arm removal I still squirm at.

Runner up: Feast (2005) - Because of the copious amounts of gore and the amusing campiness.

*Favorite Animals Gone Wild film: Rogue (2007)



You'd think a giant CGI croc menacing a bunch of really annoying touristy-types would make for a crapfest, wouldn't you? But wait a moment... this is one of the most entertaining 'animals gone wild' flicks I've seen in years. A solid cast, beautiful locations, satisfying script - and a tense atmosphere makes for an entertaining 99 minutes. I bought it the day after renting it from Netflix, cause I knew I'd want to see this one again.

Runner Up: Prey (2007) - Because lions ripping people apart looks positively exceptional in HD.

*Favorite Nasty Insects Flick: The Mist

To me, there really wasn't a more powerful or thought-provoking ending in horror in the last decade. Sure, we had some shockers (click here) but the last few minutes of The Mist was so effective, so distressing - that all I could do was just stare as the credits rolled. And all those bugs? First the relatively small ones - then the ones that looked like Jurassic Park rejects? My worst nightmare. No, really.

Runner Up: The Thaw (2009) - Because everyone should be afraid of global warming at some point. This movie will take you there.

*Favorite Werewolf movie: Dog Soldiers (2002)

Before I saw this film I'd been utterly dissatisfied with the werewolf genre for quite some time. Nothing good since An American Werewolf and The Howling. The genre was dead.
But then... I found Dog Soldiers. What a fantastic movie. The wolves were intensely frightening (and HUGE!) and the backwoods Scottish set really set the tone. Everyone should check this one out. There hasn't been a better werewolf film since, and they've got big britches to fill.

Runner up: Ginger Snaps (2000) Because depressing chicks setting up fake deaths is funny. Really.

*Favorite Psychological Horror: Session 9 (2001)

At first, I didn't know what to make of this one. I know I was spooked, big time, by the empty sanitarium (Danvers State Mental Hospital in Mass.) and the eerie serenity of the place. A slow-burning pot boiler about an asbestos removal team cleaning out said asylum has enough psychological frights to keep Freud up for hours. Session 9 grew on me like a fungus. Heavy on the atmosphere and no blood to speak of, the utter brilliance of the cinematography here will have you on the edge of your seat as you watch the men dissolve into their own fears, without much hope of salvation.

Runner up: Dead Birds (2004) - Because nothing says spooky like a deserted old plantation house.

*Favorite Anthology Horror: Trick 'r Treat (2008)

At the top of most 'best of the year/decade' lists everywhere, Trick 'r Treat brings back the heyday of the horror anthology. This movie had been talked about virally on the horror scene for two years before it finally hit the shelves - cheated out of the mainstream theatrical release it so richly deserved. Blissfully woven together like an intricate tapestry, the stories weren't so much scary as they were mischievous. And the character of Sam cemented his status as a mini-icon of the Halloween season with his tempestuous yet somehow still reserved scene-stalking antics. Movies like this just aren't made anymore, so grab it while you can.

Runner up: Three...Extremes (a.k.a. Sam gang yi, 2004) - Because, seriously...it's Takashi Miike, Chan-wook Park, and Fruit Chan. Enough said, right?

*Fave Zombie movie: Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Firmly planted near the very top of my all-time best remakes list, 2004's Dawn of the Dead waved goodbye to the zombies of the past and said hello to deranged, in your face, manic zombies. All they want is your flesh. No biggie. But they'll run, jump, and chase you down to get it. The cast is spot-on, the action never stops, and the blood splatters everywhere. The first ten minutes are really top-notch. Even though Romero's 1978 original is certainly not to be missed, this update sets its own standards and blows any zombie competition out of the water, in my opinion. Get down with the sickness, cause here - even the zombie baby does.

Runner up: 28 Days Later (2002) - Because it's London. Desolate, nearly uninhabitable, and filled with enraged, zombie-like infected freaks. You gotta love it.

*Fave Horror Comedy: Shaun of the Dead (2004)

I don't have enough adjectives in my vocabulary to describe my unmitigated, endless love for Shaun of the Dead. Definitely one of my favorite horror films ever, it tells the story of poor Shaun, a sweet slacker Brit, who wakes up one day to (eventually) discover zombies have taken over London. There are more one-liners and jokes than you can shake a stick at here, and I've taken to using quite a lot of them in normal conversation with other like-minded friends. All of the zombie cliches are present and accounted for, as well as a few new ones thrown in for good measure. Boasting a flawless cast and a witty - no, hilarious - script, nothing will make me laugh quicker than hearing the first few strains of this comic perfection starting up.

Runner up: Zombieland (2009) - Because zombies try to take over the world. And we clean house.

*Fave Mainstream J-Horror: The Grudge (2004)

I can only assume I'll take a lot of heat for including these two movies here. But I've never seen the original (Ju-On) so you'll have to bear with me. It's hard to decide between the two. The Ring, having come out first and starting the influx of japanese horror re-makes, actually did give me an oogie feeling the first time I saw it. Samara coming out of the well - I doubt anyone can say that didn't give them a bit of a fright. But to be honest, I liked the story of The Grudge better, maybe because I'm a sucker for a wicked curse and a house to go with it. I also think there were more freaky moments in The Grudge than The Ring, but really, they are almost interchangeable.

Runner up: The Ring (2002) Because it was hard to decide which one to pick. Both of them freaked me out the first time I saw them and I'm not afraid to admit it.

*Fave ghost story: The Devil's Backbone (2001)



I was introduced to this one by the guys over at the Horroretc Podcast. They were doing a show on ghost stories and I'd never even heard of it. Naturally my interest was peaked and I immediately rented it via Netflix. So glad I did. Not my first Guillermo del Toro movie (that honor goes to Pans Labyrinth, also exquisite), The Devil's Backbone is a Spanish delicacy in terror. Set against the Spanish Civil War, a small boy (Carlos) is dropped off at a grim orphanage, only to discover there are ghastly secrets haunting the isolated former boarding school that make the tension of the war seem petty in comparison. One of these secrets includes the fate of a former resident, who appears in an ethereal form to scare the pants off our little Carlos - and off anyone watching this smart, atmospheric (beyond belief) masterpiece.

Runner up: The Others (2001) Because the moody ambiance of this film was as thick and ominous as any movie I've seen before or since.

*Fave French Horror: Inside, a.k.a. À l'intérieur, 2007)

Wow. We're talking upsetting when we're talking Inside. Johnny Depp's sister-in-law (had to drop names there!) stars as Sarah, a young pregnant woman whose husband has just died in a car accident. As if this isn't incentive enough for a nervous breakdown, she foregos Christmas Eve with her family and wallows alone at home, only to be stalked first outside then inside (a double entendre of the highest degree) her house by a crazed psychopathic woman hell-bent on stealing her baby. From inside her womb.
Disturbing on soooo many levels, this had to be my fave of the Frenchies. Tough decision because France has been throwing out good ones left and right in the last several years.
Rent this, Martyrs, and Frontier(s) together and you'll no doubt need intensive therapy by the time you're through. Throw in High Tension and Ils and you've got a psychiatric commitment.
Wow, again.

Runner up: Them, a.k.a. Ils (2006) Because I could have picked High Tension but the profound sense of fear and restlessness that this film can produce kicked it up a notch.

*Favorite Foreign film (Excuding French and J-Horror): Cold Prey (Fritt Vilt) (2006)

I love horror movies that take place in wintry settings. So it should come as no surprise that I chose the Norwegian film Fritt Vilt as my fave. There were so many to choose from in this category, but when push came to shove, I liked the feeling of complete isolation and terror I got from this one. Five friends go snowboarding off-trail (of course) and one of them ends up with a broken limb (of course), forcing them to search for cover as night approaches. Naturally, they come across a deserted (?) ski chalet of some sort (of course) and break in to get out of the weather.
Though clichéd out the wazoo, I just loved this. Once the group realizes they are not alone, they find themselves in a struggle for survival. Well acted and well received by the horror world, I just couldn't leave it out.

Runner up: Thirst (a.k.a. Bakjwi, 2009) Because the director of Old Boy made a vampire movie.

*Favorite Gorefest: Frontier(s) (a.k.a Frontières, 2007)

Oh, there was a lot of gore. Over the last decade, there was a ton of gruesome nasties made to shock, disgust and thrill (sometimes all at once) horror fans. It is exceedingly difficult to come up with just one film that encompasses the whole bloody spectrum of horror for the last ten years... I chose this because basically, it's reprehensible, vile, and downright pointless. Not that I didn't like it, mind you - my only real complaint is having to wait too long for the action to start - but this movie is just gross. A lot of other films (especially in the Saw, Hostel, and Final Destination franchises) had gore galore, but this movie just threw it at you with no real explanation - and still came out smelling like a rose.

Runner up: Martyrs (2008) Because it's exceedingly gory and beyond real redemption.

*Favorite Horror Travel film: The Ruins (2008)

When first they tried to simply cut off the German tourist's legs, then resorted to using a heavy object... I knew there was no going back. There were a lot of tourist/travel-gone-wrong movies in the 00's (Turistas, 1408, Wolf Creek, Hostel 1 & 2, A Perfect Getaway, etc.) but this one was my personal favorite. I loved the Scott Smith book, and was paralyzed with anxiety wondering how they were possibly going to adapt the book, considering the actual menace in the book... but I thought it was done as best as they could.

Runner up: The Descent (2005) - Because I could have easily interchanged these two, but to me The Ruins is a more touristy flick. The Descent is pure horror, and I loved it as well.

*Favorite Nasty Virus/Pandemic flick: Carriers (2009)



Okay. Apparently the world is ending. There is a pandemic of epic proportions wiping out the human race. Sounds silly? Well it's not. Carriers is a real sleeper of a movie. It surprises you when you least expect it, provokes discussion about just what you would do in this instance, and gives us some great apocalyptic scenery. Forced into making difficult and life-altering decisions, four young adults make their way through the wicked landscape of America to what will be their final destination (no pun intended) - the beach.
This is one trip you wouldn't want to make.

Runner up: Cabin Fever (2002) Because I liked the dude that wanted to shoot squirrels cause they were gay.

*Favorite Sci-fi/Alien film: Pitch Black (2000)



Though marginally flawed in the plot department, Pitch Black still gives us some worthy sci-fi thrills along the way. Taking some cues from Alien, it marches its way into the number one spot for me due to its 'less is more' tactics regarding the monster factor here. You've gotta love a film that crashes a spaceship on an unknown planet and its crew proceeds to find themselves stalked not only by said monsters, but by Vin Diesel himself. A guilty pleasure, maybe...but still fun.

Runner up: District 9 (2009) Because the concept was fresh, the acting (in particular by Christopher!) was great, and the aliens were freakin' over-sized crawfish. Never saw that before.

*Best remake: Dawn of the Dead (2006)



I have a deep and abiding affection for Dawn of the Dead, as you can read in the paragraph above under Favorite Zombie flick. This is the only movie that topped two categories, but I just had to have it here as well. I don't think any other attempt at a re-do has turned out even half as well, and we've had some real humdingers (April Fool's Day I'm talking to you!).

Runner up: Last House on the Left (2009) Because while some people felt the classic by Wes Craven should have been off limits, I say a contemporary take on it was warranted. And this one was done well.

*Fave Road Horror: Joy Ride (2001)



No, I didn't just pick this due to my affection for staring at Paul Walker.
Joy Ride is a really great thriller. Lewis (Walker) and his parolee brother Fuller (played with faultless perfection by Steve Zahn) are traveling cross country when they play a harmless game on the CB with a long-distance trucker. Unfortunately, the truck driver doesn't take kindly to their shenanigans, making the road trip from hell a reality.
A taut script, lots of fun tension, and the feeling that this could happen to you are all it takes to make you squirm in your seat. It takes road rage to a whole new level.

Runner up: Wind Chill (2007) - Because I already told you how much I love movies with snow in them. Add ghosts to that and I'm simply gleeful.

*Favorite Bad Kids award: Orphan (2009)



I just reviewed Orphan not too long ago, and you can read that post here. Now you all might know I don't care much for kids. Especially hammer-wielding little sociopath like Esther. There isn't a whole lot to complain about here, and with the lack of other well-regarded competition as far as killer children go, Orphan gets the high marks.

Runner up: Grace (2009) Because babies who can kill are cool in my book.

*Favorite sequel: Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003)



The first hour of the first Jeepers was really fantastic. The bantering siblings, the huge pipe of death, and the first real glance at the Creeper. But then it all went downhill.
Not so in the sequel. They set nearly the entire movie in a broken-down school bus, where a group of teenagers are trapped and fending off continued attacks by one of the ugliest killers in horror history. It's a stressful movie to sit through, the tension leaks out over the whole 104 minutes. I'm not much for sequels because they are usually so poor, but I bought this as a set with the first one, and I can't say I'm sorry.

Runner up: 28 Weeks Later (200 ): Because they upped the gore factor and made the desperation much more tangible.

Favorite 'reality-based' Horror film: [Rec] (2007)



Yeah, I saw Quarantine, and I actually didn't mind it that much. But [Rec] is so much better. Screw the subtitles, you won't even notice them. Screaming is the same in any language. I'm not usually much for reality-type movies, because generally they are using a hand held camera (and this is no different) and I need two Alka-Seltzer and a bottle of ginger ale to get through it. I'm horrible with motion sickness, and these kinds of films are so nausea inducing. But seeing them on the small screen helps. [Rec] is simply horrifying. You have to see it. Another one of those "Hey, this could happen" type of films.

Runner up: Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006) - Because its self-parodying look at how someone aims to become a serial killer just cracked me up.

*Favorite Johnny Depp flick: Sweeney Todd (2007)



Johnny does so many dark movies you can lump into the horror genre that he got his own category here. Much as I love most if not all of his work, I feel Sweeney Todd stands above the rest as a tour de force of unabashed glory. Shit, this movie is good. Doesn't turn gory right off, but you certainly get there. Near the end the screen is practically red from all the blood the demonic barber has spilled. Mrs. Lovett could have been cast with someone other than Burton's honey, but it's my only true complaint here. Johnny shines, again.

Runner up: From Hell (2001) Because Jack the Ripper is always interesting. As is Johnny Depp.

*Favorite Horror Exploitation film: The Devil's Rejects (2005)



Why did I feel like I needed a shower after watching this?
Hearkening back to the grind house days of the 70's, Rob Zombie's The Devil's Rejects is a study in murderous sadism. The trio of holdouts from House of 1000 Corpses ends up in a bloody showdown with local law enforcement and rides off into the sunset - Thelma and Louise style - while the strains of Freebird play in the background. Could there be a better ending?
The carnage is abundant and brutal, and Zombie holds back nothing. But we wouldn't want him to.

Runner up: Planet Terror (2007) Because Rose McGowan's machine gun leg is waaaay cool.

Favorite tv: True Blood (2008-current)



I won't bore you with idle adoration and recommendations. You can read about that here.
But I will say True Blood is the best show on television, hands down. I simply cannot wait until Season 3 begins, and have given serious thought to taking off to the TB set and sleeping beside the director's trailer until he gives me a walk on part.
I loves me some Sookie and Bill... or Sookie and Eric. Maybe some Bill and Eric (now we're talking!)

Runner up: Moonlight (2007) Because I do love my vampires... and CBS has to be kicking itself in the ASS for canceling this show, with as hot as vampires are right now.
I could kick them as well.

Favorite movie that you probably hate but I like: Shrooms (2007)



Truly a psychedelic head trip at times, Shrooms' main plus is the sense of dread the prerequisite "deep dark woods" brings to the quintet of fungus-happy travelers. Armed with only a moderately knowledgeable mushroom expert (the lovely Jack Huston) and no cell phones (they leave them at their car so that if they get too fucked up they won't panic and call the cops or family... they traverse deep into the woods of Ireland to search out the perfect shroom. Bad thing is, there may or may not be a legend concerning an abandoned orphanage and some sort of slaughter. Yeah... that's what you need to worry about when you're having the hallucinogenic trip of your life.

Runner up: The Return (2006) Because despite its preposterous scenario, it has a wonderful score by Oscar winning Dario Marianelli, and a slow build up. Both of which I love.

*Favorite Horror movie you've never seen: The Abandoned (2006)



This movie just reeks atmosphere. I don't know how else to describe it.
When a woman, seeking her birth parents, goes back to rural Russia to claim a family estate, she finds she has to relive a series of unfortunate events to truly discover what happened in the past and who she has become. Slow yet suspenseful, I've watched this one more than a few times, drawn in by the creepiness factor and the nagging sense of dread it invokes. Confusing, yes. Disconcerting, yes. Goddamned spooky? Yes, yes, yes.

Runner up: Below (2002) Because isn't it scary enough under water?

*All-around favorite film of the decade: Saw (2004)



Where to begin? Gore factor? Check. Brilliant screenwriting? Check. Top-notch casting? Check. Memorable villian? Check, check, check.
Saw is by far my favorite movie to come out of the 2000's. Sequels notwithstanding, the first gem in this washed out series is a diamond in the rough. Hard as nails, brutal as hell, and fun as chickenpox, it is the movie that 85% of films strive to be - and never succeed.
I love every single thing about this movie. Amanda digging through that guy's guts to find the key to free her trap, Lawrence sawing off his goddamned foot, the freakin' pig mask, Jigsaw rising from a pool of blood while the finale music surges.... all just really really good stuff.
I can't think of a movie in the last ten years that has made a bigger impact on the horror genre. If anyone else can, I'd be happy to hear opinions. But for me, I'd be the head of the debate team on this one, folks.
Saw rules.

Runner up: The Descent (2007) Because I didn't even need the repulsive cave dwelling cannibals to be scared shitless. I mean, wow.

And as a bonus: A list of absolutely the shittiest movies of the decade according to me:

Borderline Cult (2007)
Summer's Moon (2009)
Death Tunnel (2005)
Mortuary (2005)
Prom Night (2008)
I know who killed me (2007)
Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008)
When a Stranger Calls (2006)
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)
The Eye (2008)
April Fool's Day (2008)
Day of the Dead (2008)
Diary of the Dead (2007)
Pulse (2006)
The Zombie Diaries (2006)
The Signal (2007)
Thirteen Ghost (2001)
Urban Legends: Bloody Mary (2005)
Van Helsing (2004)
The Wicker Man (2006)

Celebrating My 50th with 50 Favorites ~ Part 3

Still counting down - here's numbers 30-21...

30. Session 9 (2001)

Psychological horror makes an indelible impression on me. A movie need not have even a drop of blood, if the story-line is compelling and plays with my emotions, I'm hooked.  Session 9 is one of those films, with its subtle yet ominous mood.  It digs under your skin until it finds a place to relax, then it hits you when you least expect it.  With the benefit of probably one of the greatest movie locations, the former Danvers State Hospital in Massachusetts, the hulking ediface just screams haunted, so it is with great ease that one gets sucked into the atmosphere of quiet terror it presents. Gordon (Peter Mullen) owns a small asbestos removal company and he takes on the contract of removing the nasty product from the hospital, claiming that it will be done in one week.  He and his crew, led by Phil (David Caruso) begin the task as Gordon grapples with problems at home, and a sense of deja vu at the hospital.  Meanwhile, another crew member, Mike (Stephen Gevedon), becomes obsessed with the audio sessions of one of the patients, Mary Hobbes, who displays a number of distinct personalities.  To say more would ruin the film, so I'll leave it at that.  Seek this out if you haven't seen it.  It's disturbingly excellent.

29. An American Werewolf in London (1981)

"I'm sorry I called you a meatloaf, Jack."  John Landis's brilliant werewolf film is equal parts fright and fun.  Special effects by Rick Baker won an Academy Award and there's a reason for that - they are outstanding.  Poor David (David Naughton) and Jack (Griffin Dunne), all they were trying to do is see the English countryside when even after being warned, they veer off the road and onto the moors, where they are promptly attacked by....something.  Injecting humor at every turn, Landis nonetheless creates a terrifying film with gruesome and suspenseful attacks. You're rooting for David to discover the truth, and with the help of new girlfriend Alex (Jenny Agutter), he's bound to figure things out, right?  I've loved this film since I was in high school, shortly after its release.  When it comes on TV, I'm compelled to watch it.  Likewise I can throw my BluRay in for some much needed comfort horror, it's just that good.

28. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) 

I love Donald Sutherland.  Who doesn't?  He's great in everything he does and this film is no exception.  With the benefit of a stellar cast including Sutherland, Jeff Goldblum, Brooke Adams, Leonard Nimoy, and Veronica Cartwright, this remake of the 1956 classic is an unnerving look at an alien invasion that occurs much more inconspicuously than most sci-fi flicks.  When Elizabeth (Adams) comes to her co-worker at the Health Dept, Matthew, and describes the change in personality that her live-in boyfriend has been displaying, they take it upon themselves to investigate, realizing that something is happening all over the city.  People are devoid of emotion and completely unfazed by the growing epidemic.  Science fiction has never been my favorite, but when it's as exceptional as this I am totally all-in. 

27. The Fog (1980)

Following up with a film after Halloween must have been a difficult task for John Carpenter, and I'm not here to say The Fog is superior to Halloween even though it is higher on my list.  I just happen to find the themes and atmosphere of The Fog more intriguing.  I love the ocean, so anything creepy and set at the sea does it for me.  The Fog also has some serious horror heavyweights in it, including Jamie Lee Curtis, Tom Atkins, Adrienne Barbeau, and Janet Leigh.   When the town of Antonio Bay is set to celebrate its 100th Founders Anniversary, a curse is let loose upon them - seems the original founders sunk a ship full of lepers before they made shore and then proceeded to steal all their gold to build the current town.  And the ghosts of the pissed off sailors exact a nasty revenge....

26. Gojira (aka Godzilla, 1954)

First things first - stay away from the 1956 Americanized version with Raymond Burr....just NO.
When I was a young whippersnapper, Mom and I used to watch Godzilla movies on Saturday afternoons and this was my first experience with the great monster from the deep.  And I LOVED it.  I still have unwavering love for the big guy, but I will always count this one as my favorite.  Long story short, giant dinosaur-like creature is awakened deep under the sea by hydrogen bomb testing and wreaks havoc on unsuspecting Japanese folks. Some viewers may say this is hokey, and of course they'd be right.  But Godzilla is KING OF THE MONSTERS and don't let anyone tell you different.  If you've seen all the remakes and sequels but haven't seen the original, you need to rectify that shit right now.

25. From Beyond the Grave (1974)

Another Amicus anthology starring Peter Cushing as the owner of an antiques shoppe, it has four stories that involve antiques purchased at said shoppe.  Each customer tries to trick or rob the proprietor, but he has the last laugh.  A man buys a haunted mirror that talks to him and requests victims; a disgruntled husband finds love with a match & shoestring salesman's bizarre daughter; a witch warns a man of an 'elemental' on his shoulder; and after purchasing a door from the shoppe a man finds more than he bargains for after installing it in his home.  Of note, Donald Pleasence and his daughter Angela (who truly is very creepy, whether she means to be or not) star in the second segment. What can I say?  I love Amicus and their anthologies.  There are many more of them, such as Tales from the Crypt, Asylum, and The Vault of Horror, just to name a few. They are all fairly dated, having been produced in the late 60's and early 70's but they are all worth a look!

24. What We Do in the Shadows (2014)

One of the newest films on my list of 50, this movie is a joy to behold. I don't particularly like comedy in my horror unless it's done right (as in An American Werewolf in London) but this is truly one of the funniest movies, any genre, that I have ever seen.  With a random group of vampires from many different eras all sharing a flat, you can expect laughs - and this delivers.  Jemaine Clement and Taika Waititi wrote and directed this independent film from New Zealand that has a quartet of vampires trying to fit in to "normal" society, with hilarious results.  There is a supposed sequel in the works that involves the werewolves (not swearwolves) in the film, and an American television program based on the film heads our way in 2019.

23. Jurassic Park (1993)

I know what you're thinking.  Jurassic Park (and all its counterparts) is not a horror film, and while I would agree with you on a grander scale, this is my blog and I think anytime you have man-eating dinosaurs, it feels like horror to me.  As the Steven Spielberg train keeps a' rollin' down this prehistoric track even today, Jurassic Park is the one that started them all and still packs the biggest punch.  Who wasn't psyched to see those dinos out on the grasses just like Dr Grant & co?  But of course the greatest thrills in the film come from the Velociraptors and the big man himself, the Tyrannosaurus Rex.  I can honestly say the huge lump in my throat when the T-Rex made his presence known is just as big as any other horror film I have been terrified by.  And those raptors in the kitchen? Yikes!  I love dinosaurs, and who doesn't? I would be happy if there was a Jurassic Park sequel every few years FOREVER.

22. House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

Yes, I know The Devil's Rejects is a better film.  No, I don't usually love exploitation films. Yes, I know this movie is trashy.  But damn if I don't adore it.   Rob Zombie has a mixed bag of tricks in his director bag, and there are a few of his I could toss by the wayside.  But I truly appreciate his devotion to the genre because I know he is a true-blue fan.  House of 1000 Corpses plays like a 90 minute music video by Zombie, which would seem unbearable.  And though the film falters a bit at the end, the first hour is just so much fun.  With humor (intentional or not) rife throughout, the 70's vibe is spot on and the disturbed Firefly family is ridiculously over the top, but in a good way.  Zombie's wife, Sheri Moon, has a starring role as is the norm in his movies, and here she plays Baby with all the demented intensity she can muster.  Playing her mom is genre favorite Karen Black, and Bill Moseley as Otis and Sid Haig as Captain Spaulding make up the craziest motley crew you've seen since the Sawyers in rural Texas.  Chris Harwick as Jerry and Rainn Wilson as Bill bring their girlfriends along on a road trip to discover unique roadside attractions.....and they hit the mother lode when they stop at Captain Spaudling's.

21. Candyman (1992)

Candyman is actually a fairly frightening film. It benefits by the great Tony Todd starring as the title character and Virginia Madsen as the fearless Helen Lyle, a graduate student focusing on urban legends for her thesis.  She hears the local story of Candyman and goes in search of the truth behind the speculation.  It's a gritty look at the seedy underbelly of a major city, where the lore usually comes from actual events in the past - and I'm not sure what's scarier, the made-up stories or the truth.  The Cabrini Green housing projects of Chicago figure prominently into the plot, and to me, they are vastly more scary than anything else on screen, with its graffiti-laden walls and fiercely protective gang members.  When Helen comes face to face with the evidence, it all backfires and she becomes the hunted, much like Candyman was in his bleak and depressing past, where just falling in love comes with a price.  Clive Barker's tale is brought to the screen with fervor and passion, and a captivating score by the great Philip Glass adds an extra layer of depth.