Saturday, October 3, 2009

Picking on Pet Sematary

Just watched Pet Sematary again last night and I got to thinking how stupid some of the things were, and I just kept on truckin' through the whole thing...dissecting this, swearing at that...

So I thought I might share a few thoughts.
If you haven't seen it, you might not really "get" this. But who the hell hasn't seen it?

*When Dr. Louis Creed and his family arrive at the new house, it is obvious from the dialogue that his wife Rachel has never seen the house. Huh? You'd let your husband just go and purchase a house without you ever seeing it? No way would a woman do that. She'd want to make sure the kitchen was big enough. Does it have a dishwasher? A laundry room on the first floor? A decent backyard? Etc, etc... Believe me, she'd want to see it.

*His first day at the college, when Victor Pascow is struck by a truck and the students are bringing him in, they're muttering amongst themselves and someone says: "Get him to Dr. Creed!" As if they know who he is. I'm sorry... first day and all, I'm thinking nobody knows (or even cares) that there is a new doc, let alone what his name is.

*Church is one ugly f**king cat. And why didn't they just keep the damn cat inside?

*Speaking of fugly - Rachel's sister Zelda - the most god-awful looking person evah! Does Spinal Meningitis really do that? When I was a teenager and saw this flick, I was absolutely haunted by the scenes Zelda was in. "Never get up again...never get up again....never get up again!!!" Wow.

That had to be a man in that role. Pretty sure it was.

*Why on earth didn't Rachel's parents like Louis? I mean, their daughter married a doctor for Christ's sake. Most parents would be thrilled. Maybe it's just me, but he didn't seem like a dickhead to me. (Well, until he dug up his dead son...)

*As fast as those Orinco trucks go past the house, wouldn't you have put up a fence blocking the yard in, so your damn kid wouldn't go wandering out onto the road?

*More on that... Seriously, you'd just let your two year old take off in the yard with a kite? They're all laughing and carrying on while the kid chases the kite, not even paying attention.

*Speaking of Dead Gage, a few things trouble me. First of all, when they are at the funeral home and Louis's father-in-law starts the fight that dumps the casket, Gage's body is partially shown. Okay, now correct me if I'm wrong. I realize it was a closed casket, but would any part of him at all be still intact? He got creamed by a semi-truck for heaven's sake. He'd have to be mopped off the highway!

*At the cemetery later, when Louis is digging him up (nice.) - he's holding him in his arms. Yet again I say - this kid would be mush.

*Then, the cops drive right by and even shine the light on the dug up grave, a shovel propped against the stone and dirt heaped all around. Yeah, nothing wrong there.

*Something else that grinds my gears about the cemetery scene. How is it that Gage already has a tombstone? You have to order those. They take months. You can't get one in a day.

*Oh yeah- when Gage comes back from the dead, he seems to be getting around pretty good. I didn't realize the Micmac Magic can put Humpty Dumpty all together again. And he still looked pretty good - face had a bit of a scar on the forehead, but if he looked that good you could've shown him at the funeral home/church, right?
Didn't he lose a foot at the very least? Or are we supposed to believe only his shoe came off and bounced on the road? Yikes.

*And why is his hair now nearly red? It was blonde. If he got that much blood in it wouldn't the funeral home have washed it or something?

*How did Gage know where his dad kept his medical bag, let alone that there was a scalpel inside. Why would a two year old even know what a scalpel is?

*That whole 'slicing the Achilles tendon' thing? Still gets me to this day. Nasty!

*If Rachel cuts off Louis's head (is that what we're to believe?) how is it that he screams? Wouldn't you be gurgling or whatever? Okay, maybe she just stabs him in the back?


Okay, I'm done.
I feel considerably better getting all that off my chest.

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c. said...

at least in the book gage was sewn up you know. because he was in pieces. his limbs and all. When I first saw the movie, I expected to see something like chucky.

Anonymous said...

He probably knew where his dad's scapel was because remember he is not really Gage, he is an evil spirit abomination, so he probably has icky superpowers and supernatural intelligence

Malya Adgar said...

Yes, a male actor did play as the sister.