Sunday, October 11, 2009

Sick is not a strong enough word. Bad, however - is.

I've perused the internet enough to know I was supposed to actually like this movie. I'm almost distressed to admit I didn't. Like horror fans will unite against me and say things like "You don't know good horror!".... Well, so be it.

I friggin' hated this film. I could NOT believe the five (count 'em, five) reviews on Amazon all gave this dreck four stars (out of five). Seriously? Who are these people? Have they seen a good horror movie before? One that actually employed a production designer and casting agent?
I think the worse thing was the incredibly embarrassing production values. The awful cinematography. The missing plot. Wait! Oh yeah, And the wretched acting by nearly everyone involved.

Hey, I like low budget just like the rest of you. Wouldn't you call Fulci pretty much low budget in his own right? And how about Blair Witch and Night of the Living Dead? As low a budget as you'll find. And there are tons of pieces of crap out there - for instance every movie they tend to show on Saturday on "SyFy" (how dumb is that re-spelling?) that are just plain bad. But you can sit through them, right?
But this was a real hum-dinger of a loser for me. Sorry.

Izzy (Leslie Andrews) has a big chip on her shoulder because she's raising her little brother basically on her own cause her parents are non-existent and her older brother got shipped off to Iraq. I guess it could tend to make someone a bit upset - but hopefully most people out there with loved ones overseas don't take to pissing on nuns, torturing people in their barns, and killing the neighborhood children (by various un-inventive means) bullying her little brother.

Aw, rats!

The movie takes way too much time with flashbacks and such (one of which is disturbing simply because she tries to make out with her older brother - the one currently overseas in the Marines - no wonder he left!) There was a long, too drawn out scene of them opening Christmas presents - and all I kept thinking was "wow, I hope someone gets a .38 Special and blows Izzy's brains out". (And then someone really does get a gun as a gift! I felt sick when I realized I'd actually predicted this crap).
It can be downright b-o-r-i-n-g, and I so wanted to fast-forward.

We're not seeing anything new here. Sodomy? Yep, I saw American History X. Rats eating people? Pretty sure I recall that being done in that Bone Collector movie with Angelina and Denzel. Cutting off penises? Hostel 2 anyone? Torturing someone in a barn? Hell, they did that on Criminal Minds, people. Smothering someone with a pillow? Lame. That's been done hundreds of times, come on.
Okay, I am willing to admit I never saw anyone pee on a nun's face before. True.
And what Izzy does with that dude's nasty bits...alright - that was unique. But at that point I just wanted the movie to be done and over with.

Alot of reviews make mention of how 'intriguing it was to witness the downfall of the American psyche' and some shit like that. Sure, whatever. This chick tortures and kills people. I just didn't think it was special at all. It didn't make me re-think the psychological effects that war has on loved ones. I can watch the nightly news to see that. I also didn't feel bad for Izzy, if that's what the film makers were going for. I hated her and disliked the bad actress portraying her nearly as much.
And God knows we didn't learn enough about her victims to care what happened to them.

'But there's a plot in here somewhere, right?'

Also of major annoyance was the music. Waaaay too loud. It covered up half the dialogue. (Wait, maybe that was a good thing...) And I really have to reiterate how shameless the acting was. It was blatantly obvious that everyone in it had never acted before. Like the director called up some good ole boys (and girls) from the back woods and paid them all ten dollars for a days work.

I mean, wow.
And hey, I love gore. Count me in for movies like Inside, Dead Alive, Frontier(s), even Hostel for heaven's sake. But gore with a truly bad plot and horrific acting. No thanks.

Thank the dear lord this flick was only like, 80 minutes long.
That, my friends, was the best part of this movie.

HorrorBlips: vote it up!

1 comment:

The Warfreak said...

I've not seen this one, but I think horror fans a lot of times "grade on a curve" when it comes to reviewing. Mainly because it's sometimes difficult to find all around good horror flicks, so we have to do the best with what we've got (though things seem to be changing - horror has grown up a bit lately and there is a lot of good stuff coming out)