Monday, October 26, 2015

Octoberfest Five: 5 Super-Annoying Horror Characters, Part 2

Here's where I get to tell you my picks for five of the most annoying characters in horror, in my opinion.  And don't forget to skip back a few days and read Marie's choices if you haven't already.  There are countless truly annoying characters that spill out from the horror vaults - it is exceedingly difficult to just pick 5!!  Back in 2010 I did a post about jack-asses in horror, which you can read HERE. (And yes, the number 1 most annoying person in horror is on that list: take a bow, Franklin Hardesty!!)  All of these idiots have similar tendencies as the annoying characters Marie and I have chosen, but I didn't want to repeat any of them, so I chose five new ones.  Not a difficult task!  So here goes:

Baby Firefly (Sheri Moon Zombie) in House of 1000 Corpses
While much more bearable in The Devil's Rejects, in House of 1000 Corpses Baby was nearly intolerable.  I'm talking just excruciating.  That goddamned laugh!  Her acting was deplorable, but that laugh was painful.  I get that director Rob Zombie was trying to make her seem pretty much nuts (and that he has felt the need to cast his wife in all his films regardless of her talent), but she really needed to tone it down a bit.  Crazy is one thing, but ridiculous is another.  I really do love the movie, it's just soooo different, chock full of awesome visuals -but Sheri Moon and her lip-syncing prowess is the one part of it that makes me want to hurl. Thank heavens her role in The Devil's Rejects was a lot more chilling than irritating. But hot damn, Baby Firefly and her stupid laugh and her detestable baby talk just need to STFU!!

Isaac (John Franklin) in Children of the Corn
Wow.  I do realize that Issac was supposed to be one fry short of a happy meal, I really do.  But to listen to his voice drone on, barking out orders to his minions and warning them of disobeying He Who Walks Behind The Rows, there's no denying he needed strung up by his testicles (even though his voice made it sound like he already had been). Issac is one of those religious fanatics that people warn you about all your life. Someone who somehow obtained power and then brought everyone else on board, promising a perfect life and a sure shot at heaven.  But Issac may be just a little more nutty than all that - after all, this is someone who organized the ritualistic killing of all the adults in town under the orders of a monster in a corn field.  Now that, my crazy.  But we, as the audience, having to endure his endless whiny voice trying to sound terrifying and failing miserably - even crazier!!

Mrs.Carmody (Marcia Gay Harden) in The Mist
Bible-thumpers in horror never fare well.  And they are almost always an unlikable bunch.  And Mrs. Carmody in The Mist is a prime example of why.  Always pushing her religion in everyone's face, telling everyone over and over how the end is near.  "It's Armageddon I tell you!" No one wants to hear that shit, least of all people who are scared to death and looking for some reassurance that everything will work out in the end...  But NO, she has to go on and on and start getting people in her corner, rallying them against our protagonist and his small group.  Eventually she gets her comeuppance, and it is a sweet sweet moment of release - because holy shit - she was an out of control, caustic battle-ax.

Heather (Heather Donague) in The Blair Witch Project
Is Heather the most miserable, controlling bitch in horror or what?  Maybe not, but she sure gets my vote.  The first time I saw BWP it was disturbing enough that I didn't notice quite how awful she was.  But a second viewing confirmed what was pretty obvious: Heather needed to die.  Making us sit through 80 minutes of her constant tirade of what to do when you're lost in the woods was downright painful.  People who think they know everything are annoying enough, but people who think they do but really have no clue are even worse.  If they would have killed her off at Coffin Rock I may have stood up in the theater and cheered, possibly fist-bumping anyone near me because I'm fairly certain the masses feel the same way I do. Kill the bitch, not the witch!

Evil Ed (Stephen Geoffreys) in Fright Night
Holy mother of God do I hate this character.  It's part of the reason that I rarely watch Fright Night because I just want to scratch my eyes out and cut off my ears rather than put up with the shrill and grating voice of this blockhead.   I know he is on a lot of people's "favorite" lists, and so I ask - HOW do you folks put up with him? Just hearing him caterwaul "Oh, you're so cool, Brewster!" nearly made me lose my grip on my sanity.  Is it just the actor or is it the character? Is it both?  All I know is I couldn't wait for the son-of-a-bitch to die. 


Bob Johns said...

Heather from Blair Witch is easily one of the most annoying people on film but Issac really? I like his charter. Never the less great list!

Christine Hadden said...

Issac's voice is the first thing that bugs the shit out of me. Then I'd have to go with him actually bowing down to a cornfield demon. And there's always that ridiculous get up and his incessant gospel-preaching. Some people don't like Malachai, I don't like Issac. Ugh!

Thanks for reading!!

Plague said...

No, Brewster, nooooo!