|I seriously could not run fast enough if I witnessed this...|
Normally all we have in these parts are daddy long-legs and fuzzy brown wood spiders and such, with the occasional brown recluse to shake things up. But in some parts of the world, there are some dastardly looking beasts that make me want to just curl up and die rather than run into. Such as...
Getting its name long ago when witnessed eating a hummingbird, this giant can be up to a foot across.
They are indigenous to the rain forests of South America and the females can live up to 25 years! Perhaps that's because they eat their mates after sex. Nice.
Their venom isn't poisonous and feels somewhat like a bee sting.
These big buggers are generally found in southeast Asia and Northern Australia. And thank God for that. If I were to run across one of these it's possible I would have a stroke.
They are a type of Golden Silk Orb Weaver, which generally means they weave the most impressive webs in Spiderland.
Their venom is not lethal to humans, but can be painful and may even leave a scar. Wouldn't matter to me, because it's quite possible I would be running a goddamned marathon to get away from this sucker.
Bizarre little tidbit: In Japanese superstitions, the orb weaver supposedly can shapeshift into a seductress.
Australian Funnel Web Spider
One of the most dangerous spiders in the world, these friendly looking monstrosities are keen on water and are oft found in swimming pools. Now wouldn't that be neato? Thing is, they can survive in the water for hours...just waiting for you to take your nightly dip after work.
Their bite is painful, extremely poisonous, and nearly always by the male of the species. Without anti-venom, you can die within 15 minutes...or you can linger for up to three days.
This freaky, mutant looking thing is nicknamed the camel spider but in truth is another type of arachnid called a wind scorpion. No matter what it is, it's balls to the wall creepy.
Apparently they do not have venom and don't spin webs like regular spiders, but they are quite fast and when they do bite - even without venom - the wounds are prone to infection because their fangs rip nasty wounds.
If you ask me, it looks a bit like the face-hugger in Alien.
Long-recorded as the most venomous spider on earth, this eight-legged wonder loves to hide inside your house.
They like it dark, damp, and are extremely active at night. They tend to lift their legs up when challenged, and delivers the most venom of any spider, which is part of the reason they are so dangerous.
Thankfully they are only found in Central and South America.
Wandering Spiders' bite is also known to cause priapism in men after being bitten. Erections can last for hours at a time, and perhaps not surprisingly, the venom from these spiders is being researched in conjunction with erectile dysfunction. True story.
Lucky Australia! They really have the corner on the market for dangerous and big-ass spiders.
Closely related to our own Black Widow (and resembling it almost exactly), this spider causes extreme pain with its bite. It also lives up to the reputation of the Black Widow for the females consuming the males during mating.
Perhaps the perfect spider, they are also wicked fast and are prolific breeders, laying up to 5000 eggs.
Almost makes that scene in The Mist pale in comparison. Yikes.
Tailless Whip Scorpion
On the show Fear Factor several years ago I watched participants consume "Mexican Cave Dwelling Spiders" in what I thought was the foulest thing I have ever watched anyone eat in my life. I actually stopped watching that show after that.
However, the spiders were misidentified. They are not true spiders, though they are from the arachnid family.
Again preferring the humid conditions found in South America and the likes, these flat-bodied nightmare-inducing fellows also do not spin webs or have venom. In addition, they are quite social and have shown great interest and care in their young, using their legs to cuddle and caress them.
Not that that makes me feel any better.